"Ugh... I never imagined I'd have to go through this..." I muttered, dragging my half-frozen body through the snowstorm like some tragic extra in a survival movie.
"DAMN IT... IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL A VACATION?!" I screamed at the angry sky, immediately regretting it when a mouthful of snow slapped me in the face.
I spat and huffed. Okay.
Tantrum: thrown.
Dignity: absolutely none.
Whatever. March forward, soldier.
I tightened my half-frozen cloak and stumbled ahead like a broken wind-up toy. Somewhere out here... somewhere in this human-freezing hellhole... was the cave I needed to find.
I squinted through the blizzard.Where is it?WHERE IS IT?
Then — like a miracle — I saw it.
Ah! Found it!
"Yay~~~ I found it!" I shouted, doing a weird victory dance that probably looked like a dying crab.
Without wasting a second, I rushed toward the cave half-buried under the snow.
Standing before it, shivering from head to toe, I scanned for a lock. "Now... how do I enter?"
The Guardian of Glacis.
That's what they called it. According to legend, when even the emperors and nobles said, "Screw this frozen wasteland," and abandoned the people, the desperate villagers prayed to the Lord of the Universe for help.
Apparently, the Lord of the Universe was feeling dramatic that day, because instead of sending a nice warm sunbeam or something, He sent...a giant, scary wolf covered in dark energy.
Because why not? God is crazy; he can do anything.
The old folks said whenever Glacis was in danger, the Guardian would rise from the shadows and kick some serious ass.
The elders also claimed whoever found the Guardian would be bound to him by an unbreakable contract... for life.
But not everyone in Glacis believed in those ancient tales. Most people called it a myth. A bedtime story. A fantasy.
But I knew better.
I knew it was real.
If only I could figure out how to open this damn cave.
"Now... how do I enter?" I muttered again, eyeing the wall suspiciously.
Maybe... maybe if I did some kind of magic ritual?
I took a deep breath, raised my hands dramatically, and yelled,"ABRACADABRA! OPEN SESAME! HOCUS POCUS—"
Nothing happened. Except now I looked like a crazy person having a meltdown in the snow.
"Ah, screw it," I grumbled, kicking the frozen ground. "Should I try... kissing the wall or something?"
At this point, I'd try anything.
"Okay, let's try brute force," I said, massaging my not-so-strong biceps with all the seriousness of a bodybuilder hyping up for a championship.
Spoiler alert: I had about as much upper body strength as a wet noodle.
Still, I gritted my teeth and pushed against the door like my life depended on it.
"C—C'MON... OPEN... YOU BASTARD!" I yelled, veins popping dramatically.
The door, however, did not even twitch.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I moved more than the door — performing a very graceful moonwalk backward on the icy ground.
Unintentional. But still impressive.
I slumped against the door, breathing like I'd just fought off a bear. In the middle of a freaking blizzard, mind you.
I was sweating.Sweating.In a goddamn snowstorm.
Truly, I was a medical mystery.
"AH! FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST OPEN THE F***ING DOOR, YOU IDIOT!"
I screamed, unleashing the full force of my exhaustion, rage, and frostbite into a single, glorious kick.
THWACK.
My foot immediately regretted all its life choices.
"AAGHH—!" I doubled over, groaning in pain, clutching my foot like a wounded soldier.
And then...GREEEEEAAAAKKKKKK—!
The cave door creaked open.
Wide.As if mocking me.
I blinked.
"...Wait. That's it? THAT'S ALL IT TOOK?!"
Apparently, cursing violently and kicking it like a hooligan was the secret password. Good to know.
Wobbling slightly, I hobbled into the entrance, muttering under my breath,
"Fine. Fine. Whatever. Open sesame, my ass. Let's just get this stupid business done before I die from either frostbite or sheer humiliation."
Inside, the cave was exactly what you'd expect from a cave that hadn't seen sunlight since dinosaurs roamed the earth — dark, freezing, and smelling suspiciously like a sweaty sock convention.Delightful.
I squinted into the darkness, trying to see if some majestic guardian wolf would leap out at me.
Spoiler: Nothing.
Only my own footsteps echoed like a sad soundtrack to my suffering.
Okay. Fine. I guess it was up to me to summon him. How hard could it be?
I stomped to the center of the cave — because that's what heroes in novels did — planted my hands dramatically on my hips, threw my head back, and shouted with all the grandiosity of a theater kid auditioning for Hamlet:
"OH, GREAT GUARDIAN ERYX!!""I, YOUR FATED CONTRACTOR, HAVE COME!""SHOW YOURSELF BEFORE I FREEZE INTO A FREAKING ICE SCULPTURE!"
My voice bounced around the cave walls in a very underwhelming echo, like a bad karaoke performance.I waited.And waited.
Nothing.
Not even a growl.Not even a suspicious shuffle.Just me, standing there like a dumbass, arms raised to the heavens, dramatically freezing to death.
"...Maybe he's shy?" I muttered, slowly lowering my arms because holding them up in minus-twenty degrees was painful, okay?
I cleared my throat and tried again, even more dramatically, because if novels taught me anything, it's that emotion unlocks secret powers.
I threw my whole soul into it this time — one hand dramatically on my chest, one reaching out to the abyss:
"OH, ERYX! GUARDIAN OF GLACIS! WOLF OF THE DARKNESS! SAVIOR OF THE PEOPLE! HOT GUY OF MY FANTASY—WAIT, NO, SCRATCH THAT—"
Cough.Cough cough.
God, was I dying??I swore my soul just left my body a little from secondhand embarrassment.
"Please," I begged the darkness, "I don't have health insurance. Just show up already."
And that's when...
Something moved.Something big.Something not friendly sounding.
"Maybe... now he will appear," I whispered to myself, looking around.I stared into the darkness, heart hammering.How was Eryx supposed to show up anyway?Glowing? Floating? Roaring?
Was he majestic?Or just straight-up murderous?
...But what appeared was a fat squirrel.
"... ... ..."
"YOU FUCKING GUARDIAN WOLF, JUST COME OUT ALREADY!" I yelled in frustration, my voice echoing through the cave.
I huffed, ready to scream again —And that's when, like magic, a tall man wearing a black robe appeared from the darkness.
"Who are you?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous.
...Ah.So he appears when you curse at him.Good to know.