The next morning, I woke up in a daze, still half-wrapped in my blanket like a human burrito. The events of yesterday felt like a fever dream, and yet, here I was, staring at my phone, which was glowing annoyingly at me.
The Happiness System was back with a vengeance.
[New Task: Brush your teeth for 10 minutes!]
[Reward: $10]
I stared at the screen, blinking repeatedly. Brush my teeth? For TEN MINUTES?
Who brushed their teeth for 10 minutes? That was excessive, even for someone with dental hygiene aspirations. My teeth weren't even that bad. I mean, yeah, they were probably a little yellow from the years of coffee and ramen (don't judge me), but I wasn't exactly a walking horror show.
Still, the system didn't give a damn about my excuses. A dollar was a dollar, and I wasn't about to let this cash slip through my fingers.
"Alright, system. You win. 10 minutes of brushing. Let's get this over with."
I grabbed my toothbrush like it was a weapon of mass destruction and started brushing.
The first minute was okay.
The second minute? Yeah, I was still fine.
The third minute? I was starting to feel like I might actually die. Who needs this much toothpaste? I could feel the foam slowly taking over my face like I was in the middle of a bubble apocalypse.
I glanced at the clock. Only seven minutes to go.
The fifth minute hit, and my jaw started aching from all the brushing. But I couldn't stop. The system would totally take back the $10 if I quit. Plus, there was no way I could back down now. I was committed. This was my moment.
By minute six, I was already doing a weird, one-handed dance while brushing, swaying awkwardly to some music in my head. What was I even doing with my life?
Minute seven... eight... nine...
Finally, blessed relief. Ten minutes. Done.
Ding!
[Task Completed!]
[+$10 deposited to your account]
The minty freshness of my breath was practically a victory lap, but there was something much, much more exciting than that waiting for me.
I pulled up my banking app.
And froze.
For a second, I thought I was seeing things. Maybe I was still groggy. Maybe my lack of sleep was catching up to me.
But there it was, bold and bright in the app.
$3400.
THREE. THOUSAND. FOUR HUNDRED.
I stared at the number, blinking furiously as if the $3,400 was going to blink away on its own.
No. This was real.
The money was real.
I wasn't broke anymore.
I wasn't a guy staring at an empty account with dread every time I needed something simple like food.
I had money.
I started laughing like a madman. Was it insane to laugh about this? Probably. But in that moment, I felt invincible. Like I could do anything.
I looked up at the ceiling, as if I was about to have a conversation with a higher power. "You're telling me… that brushing my teeth for ten minutes has made me $3400 richer?"
The system popped up, like it was a personal assistant living inside my brain.
[Affirmative: You brushed your teeth for 10 minutes. You were rewarded accordingly.]
[Task Update: Keep up the good work!]
"Good work?! I'm a genius!" I shouted at my phone.
I could already feel my brain planning the most irresponsible spending spree. What would I even do with this kind of money?
Buy real food.
Get a decent chair instead of sitting on this ancient couch that was more springs than fabric.
Finally get myself a jacket that didn't look like it had been through an apocalypse.
I could do anything. The possibilities were endless.
As I gazed down at the bank balance, my excitement slowly simmered into something more... strategic.
"Okay, system," I muttered. "This is amazing and all, but there has to be a catch, right? You don't just give away money for brushing teeth."
The system didn't respond right away. It just sat there, glowing cheerfully like the smug little gremlin it was.
I raised an eyebrow. "Right?"
A few seconds later, the screen blinked.
[Reminder: Completing tasks will earn rewards. But don't forget to stay happy!]
[Current Task: Enjoy your success! Have some fun!]
A task that encouraged me to relax? Weird flex, but okay.
I looked at the time and realized it was still early in the morning. Maybe I'd treat myself to a real breakfast. Something more than just coffee and instant ramen.
So, I did the most responsible thing I could think of: I ordered a pancake stack that cost an absurd amount of money for a single breakfast. Because I could.
While waiting for my pancakes, I tried to shake the feeling that something else was bound to happen. I couldn't just get lucky like this, could I? The system had to have some kind of… other agenda, right?
But for now, I was riding the high. I felt good. I felt… powerful. The money in my account was like the key to unlocking everything I'd been missing. No more scraping by. No more worrying about bills.
I glanced at the dog collar I had bought for Marshmallow yesterday. Maybe it was time to spend a little more on luxury items—like socks that didn't make my feet feel like they were being suffocated by ancient fabric.
Just then, my phone pinged again.
[New Task: Dance for 2 minutes!]
[Reward: $50]
I raised my eyebrows. Now I was supposed to dance?
It was so dumb, but I was so in at this point. I cleared some space in my tiny apartment and, after a deep breath, I cranked up the music and started dancing.
A few minutes later, I had completed yet another weird, random task. I was dripping with sweat, my legs sore from all the weird moves I had just pulled off, but the system didn't care about my dignity.
Ding!
[Task Completed!]
[+$50 deposited to your account]
I checked my balance once again, half-expecting it to be a dream.
$3450.
"WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?" I yelled to the empty room. "I danced for 2 minutes and made $50? Is this real life?!"
The system gave no answer, but I didn't need one.
Maybe I wasn't going to figure this whole thing out just yet. But, for now, I was happy.
And that was more than enough.