***Khadijah's POV**
My Dear God,
I have to write to you this time. I'm speechless. I think I have been silenced. You asked me to do the weird things I know and I did it, and now, I'm stuck; I don't know what is happening?
God I had two hard discoveries today. The same Aholah whom you have impressed on my heart for the past few months to be interceding for is a daughter of a renown man of God, I never knew that. If I had...
Maybe I won't have prayed so much...
It's good I didn't know right
"Oh God you honoured me, you mean I've been praying for the child of powerful man of God.My God, thank you for choosing me."
But she's wierd. She seems out of her own body. I need to know about her so that I'll know how to channel my prayers.
And me.
I need your help. I'm thinking about him again. I even saw him in my bed last night. You know what baffles me God. That you send me on errand to pray for other teenagers who probably have the same as I do and I struggle with my own on and off.
It's the flesh?
I need your light.
I have. I know I have your light but I need more.
"Oh my God! That monster touched me again last time. I thought you said Khadijah is yours, save me!" I cried throwing myself on the couch.
Suddenly it came back to me. Was I the one who was fusing a visiting lecturer again yesterday. Why am I blaming God. He was too cute. God I apologized and I didn't go far... Oh I did. This is killing, why is my flesh working against me!
Okay, I am Khadijah and I'm that crazy Christian girl that crazily loves Jesus. A twenty threee year old whose life suddenly got a new look after an encounter with Jesus. Since everything I do is all about Jesus, its better I tell how we met and why I love him this much now.
I was born into a family of six, father, mother and four girls. We didn't live on much or let me say it blankly, we live in an uncompleted building in some part of rural in Lagos, poor, yes very poor. Though the second born, I was the most outspoken , smartest, and maybe most rugged amongst my sisters. I always acted like the man of the house even while I battled with severe asthma. No one could ever have imagined that I was more battered inside than any of my sisters. And yes, we were Muslim before I met Jesus, that's why my is Khadijah.
Money was our main issue and my asthma only worsened it. Sometimes, I'd just be left unattended to. Then i had two options, either to survive by catching air by all means or die and probably relieve my parents of the burden of having me in their life. I was broken inside. I didn't see any future for myself.
I only knew that one day I won't be able to fight anymore and I'd probably just die like I never existed and l I waited patiently for that day everyday.
I was depressed and suicidal. I tried cuts, tried burns, pain scares me off. But that didn't stop my outward boldness and faked strength.
Until I found the one who I could not hide from. It was a retreat that December when he found me. I was invite by a friend in my school. Even though I didn't want to go, I just wanted to be somewhere outside my home. And I found him. Words went out and I was exposed. The preached told me the history of my life from the altar and said Jesus has sent him to me.
I was shocked, surprised and ashamed. I felt Jesus telling me I was the one the preacher was talking about.
I could not mask any feelings from Him because he knew everything. His mercy bought me from despair. That day I choose to surrender to Jesus all that I was, and my change began.
Six months into our tender relationship, He took asthma away. Yes, I was no longer allergic to nothing.
Then In another six months, I got a scholarship to a private university, This same Convent Faith University to study law. My life changed complete. I found too much grace. I was loved much now you should understand why I am not just a Christian but a crazy one.
So let's move one.
Return to Convent Faith University this session for my final year 500 level, God told I must this give this year to Him. First, I was appointed as the school's student chaplain. As if that was not enough, God gave me name of people to pray wfrom the fresher, just two of them. Esther Obi and Adediwura Toluwanile. I did my research and found out tha they were actually good kid, working hard to make their parents proud until the suspension happen and I didn't know what to think again.
And I had indulged in a lot of sexual activities before I met God and even now and then I fall back into them in my thought and then the torment happens in my dreams. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be student chaplain. How can God something so big in the hand of a Christian like me who haven't completely healed from her past.
How do I help Aholah or Esther when I haven't even helped myself?
God we need help, I'm a victim too. I'm tired of myself. Everyone in this school needs you one way or the other. Please help us.
And for me.
Please make that lecturer not come today. The energy he carries intoxicates me.
Or maybe I should even skip his class.
I locked the door of my office against myself drew the curtains and laid on the couch, still feeling sore from the sexual torments in my dreams.
No lectures today please. I hissed and shut my eyes, wishing Jesus could just appear and tell me what to do again.