Hey Lizmarie, have you ever wondered why I fell in love with you? Apparently people don't question their own feelings and find answers to why they feel things. However I disagree on that method, I truly think there is logic on why we may love someone. I know the answer to why I fell in love with you, if you want to know the answer to that question. You should reach out to me mi amor.
"I'm gonna kill people who hurt me in my writing and ruin their reputation in my book". I was talking to Mocha who is my server mother in the Workshop discord server.
"That's... actually a very healthy way of dealing with feelings like that. Go on, my child."
Some people think I was harassing others by writing about their deaths. However, Mocha and I disagreed and think it's a healthy way of coping. Would you rather I actually go and kill people in real life than to write their deaths in my book to cope?
Caleb the Angel King of Integrity places his head on Andrew's shoulder.
"Marry me" declares Andrew.
"Okay". "
How would we even be in love when we're two separate souls in one body anyways?".
Andrew ponders in their shared mindset together. "I don't know" he kisses Caleb's forehead by gently turning his head over to face his lips.
"How sweet of you Andrew".
Andrew blushes a little, thinking that it's potentially weird for two people in one body to be in love. He is concerned in how others will think. "You act a lot like Damien".
"You worry too much, you're just like the original Andrew in that sense. And yeah I do act a lot like Damien because I practically merged my personality with his."
"Merged?"
"He was my first husband after all when I was 15. Before you even existed in our imagination mindset."
Caleb and Andrew got out of the Paradise Buffet restaurant that they went to with their family. The noise level was too overwhelming for both of them to deal with. They seemed sensitive after having to travel for so long to the Attack on Titan cupsleeve event. Which makes their body more sensitive than usual to such things.
For some reason, Andrew has been very hostile for a while now. It must be because our brain was thinking of Lizmarie. Andrew was imagining being verbally hostile towards Lizmarie on text. Caleb is sure that Lizmarie would not appreciate the hostility so he tries to calm down Andrew.
Caleb has sky blue hair that is slightly shorter than Andrew's. He has white wings and a golden halo due to being an Angel. Meanwhile Andrew has the same pitch black hair color that looks just the same as the original Andrew. His wings are dark green and his horns are bright green that are pointed upwards.
Andrew tells himself that he must execute Scylis Xavier and eventually write about it. Caleb disagrees and thinks that both of them may have started to somehow let go of the grudge they held on him. Andrew wants to write his death and his plan anyway to make a good story for the readers.
Perhaps Andrew was tired of taking control of the body. Andrew wonders if he has the title of 'Demon King of Liberation' or could temporarily borrow it. Considering he and Ethan are in the same body but different personalities, could they have merged?
Ah, darn it, I miss when I didn't have to take sleeping pills to sleep. Now I have to take them again because my insomnia is starting to resume again. Despite being tired, my brain was still active. Darn you ADHD brain.
My therapist once asked me "doesn't it hurt?" This was when I told them about how Lizmarie never returned my feelings for me. I don't think it hurts truth be told but it does lower my self esteem and my self-worth. I am accustomed to such tragedies after all.
Mocha told me that I was her loving son in the Workshop discord server which made me happy. I didn't realize that I was loving.
Ugh, I think I feel drowsy or tired as a side effect due to the sleeping medicine that I took yesterday. How on earth did I take it for so long when I had severe insomnia before? Now I'm experiencing issues of insomnia again?
Perhaps calling myself 'Eternal Writer of Liberation' is more unique compared to 'Secretive Summoner' and 'Demon King of Liberation'.
Lizmarie Mateo Roubert was the type of person who didn't return as much as the other party (me) gave. I would often buy gifts for her yet she couldn't even spend time with me nor would ever think of buying me things back. Instead she just prayed that I would be happy somehow instead of taking action and giving it directly to me.
Due to her indirect actions, I resented her a lot.
There is no light in my eyes, I was like Sua from Alien Stage. My depression was returning back due to the fact that one of my mood stabilizers medication had run out. I needed a psychiatrist to refill it for me.
The sky and the park look beautiful today. I took a moment to be grateful for the view and the access I had to this park. I was aware that some people don't even have parks this close to their house. Others may not even be able to get to go outside too in this world. You gotta appreciate what you have even when you are feeling down.
I think I understand Dokja better, him waiting in line for the subway by reading TWSA. I was walking in the park and on the neighborhood roads and reading "There's No Freaking Way I'll be Your Lover! Unless…" I watched the anime on Youtube for this series and now I want to read the light novels. I must say, it gives me a different perspective on how I view this series.
Step father asked to talk to me just to criticize me on how I was behaving. "You are not a baby. You complain a lot about being depressed yet don't do anything about it. It's been a month." I felt hurt upon hearing this from my step father and it made me feel worse than before.
I was called a mature kid as a child but now as an adult, I am called an immature adult. Complaining helped me release the suffering that I was in after all. It was a bad thing to hold it all in.
Despite the fact that I loved Aurora Charter Oaks Hospital, my mother really disliked it. She thinks they're crazy for influencing me to smoke. My mother threatened to kick me out of the house and be homeless if I ever went back there. She sees that the hospital made me worse, I didn't shower on multiple days there nor brush my teeth.
I realized why she threatened to kick me out of the house. I was committing self-destruction after all. I wasn't getting better, I was getting worse.
[ Memory of Lizmarie and I's argument has returned ]
Lizmarie: "Of course I love you! I have given you things that I wish I had!"
[ Memory ends ]
This was on the text messaging app on Instagram. I can't remember it nor can I reread the conversations anymore since I deleted my message history with her. I can only read the conversation that we had on Discord.
I decided to download Tik Tok. I hoped that Lizmarie didn't block me there. I should lower my expectations, she probably did block me on that app.
I was talking to Ophelia Poet and she was telling me her trauma on what happened in the past where she was mistreated horribly. It made me research what the word 'humiliation' means though. "Depriving one's self-esteem" is what Duckduckgo said. This made me wonder and worried if I had done this to Lizmarie when I was severely mentally unstable, insane, and kept on constantly texting her despite her not really responding.
I wanted to copy Han Sooyoung and make this book 3,149 chapters just to match with her. This story would not end until it reached 3,149 chapters. Then I would create another book where it would end in at least 1,000 chapters where I somehow make Lizmarie Lectora the main character that shines through the stars. Even if she doesn't read it, I hope people will talk about her and give her the acknowledgement that she deserves. I wanted to make Lizmarie a celebrity. That is my declaration of love to her.
There is a little boy who wears a dark navy hoodie and black pants with stripes that often looks at me for some reason during the park. He wears cyan shoes and has a bowl haircut. He looked to be asian from the small eyes of his face. He was just playing around in the swings by swinging back and forth and spinning it around.
A girl who seemed to have down syndrome wanted to take my swing. "Excuse us, she wants to use the swing. I don't want her to hurt you" her mother told me on her behalf. I decided to walk away and sit somewhere else in the playground so she wouldn't hit me while swinging. I was just sitting near the swing, not really using it anyways. It was right for her to use the swing when someone wasn't playing with it.
You have got to be kidding me. My patient portal intake forms that I was doing don't save with each page that I complete? I can't even complete the intake forms that I'm required to do for my mental health unless I'm at home with a laptop. I must do it all in one go apparently.
[ Poetry for Lizmarie has begun
You are my shining light
The gray haired handsome prince
The chinese zodiac gray rat
The one always included in the banquet
The lovable person that society adores
The sociable person
One who puts up a mask
One who is socially accepted
One who cares so much about being liked
I am the obscure darkness
The orange haired handsome boy
The chinese zodiac orange cat
The one always excluded in the banquet
The unlovable person that society hates
The merging person
One who doesn't put up a mask
One who is socially rejected
One who cares about being loved authentically
But hates society for rejecting him ]
The poetry is inspired from the anime called Fruits Basket. Lizmarie was the one who introduced me to it. From then on, we both bonded over it. I decided to write about this since it fitted us so well and described the both of us. Both of us thought we were Tohru Honda at first but Lizmarie eventually realized that she was more like Yuki Sohma. Meanwhile I eventually realized that I was more like Kyo Sohma. Pretty sure their sons ended up dating in Fruits Basket: Another.
Suddenly the narrator remembers the existence of Scylis Xavier. He wants to kill that manipulative scum.
[ Hunter's prey has been triggered ]
He locates where he is at. A long hair man with glasses, a young boy who recently realized that he is transgender. He was born and raised in Arkansas in the United States. A boy who has OCD, Complex PTSD, and a high knowledge of understanding others. The one who taught me to be more of myself better.
Why did the narrator hate him so much? It's because he suddenly attacked him when he was vulnerable and extremely stressed. Despite the narrator being in such a vulnerable and stressed out state, Scylis had the audacity to attack him first without warning. It was a betrayal and abandonment. There was no apology from that manipulative man.
The disloyal man who can't commit to anyone. The manipulative boy who thinks too highly of himself and controls others using his talent of understanding others. The man who took away the last memory of what Lizmarie said to the narrator without giving him a chance to even collect his most precious items.
The narrator wanted to defame him and take everything from him. His dreams, his passions, everything. The narrator wanted to devour his dreams and accomplish what he wanted to force him to give him back what was precious to the narrator. It was Lizmarie who the narrator truly loved.
[ The Demon King of Liberation has been summoned! ]
The Demon King of Liberation discovered where Scylis was located and swiftly cutted his head off.
[ Eternal deaths of Scylis Xavier have been achieved in this round. You can no longer kill Scylis in this round again. ]