--- INTERVIEW - JOEY DUNPHY ---
[Joey sits in his studio, meticulously organizing paint tubes while Buddy naps on a half-finished canvas titled "Layers of Chaos."]
JOEY: Family drama's like abstract art. Everyone sees something different, but no one really gets it. [Pauses, eyeing a text from Haley about Dylan's song] …Except maybe Buddy. He's a critic.
DUNPHY LIVING ROOM – MORNING
Claire paces as Phil attempts to "analyze" Dylan's lyrics using a whiteboard.
CLAIRE: "Do you, do me, under the moonlight"? What does that even mean?
PHIL (grinning): It's poetic! Like Hall & Oates meets Shakespeare.
HALEY (defensive): It's romantic! You just don't get it because you're old.
JOEY (walking in): Even I know it's a euphemism.
ALEX (sipping coffee): Statistically, 78% of teenage relationships fail within six months. [Pauses] Dylan's in the 22%. He's… special… Hopefully…
--- INTERVIEW – PHIL DUNPHY ---
PHIL: I'm not old! I'm vintage. Like a classic car… or a cheese platter.
PRITCHETT-DELGADO BACKYARD – AFTERNOON
Jay teaches Manny how to "prank back" after the slumber party incident. Gloria watches, armed with baseball bat.
JAY: Alright, kid. Revenge is a dish best served… [pauses] …with a whoopee cushion.
MANNY (serious): But what if they retaliate?
GLORIA (grinning): Then we escalate. [Swinging her bat] In Colombia, we call this "justice."
JOEY (walking in): Or you could just… not set things on fire.
JAY (grumbling): Where's the fun in that?
[Manny "accidentally" spills glitter on Jay's golf clubs. Joey facepalms.]
--- INTERVIEW – GLORIA PRITCHETT-DELGADO ---
GLORIA: Manny's my little guerrero. But Joey? He's the voice of reason… [pauses] …and also the voice of "stop, that's illegal."
MITCHELL & CAM'S CONDO – EVENING
Mitchell mediates as Dede attempts to apologize to Gloria. Cameron hides in the kitchen with Lily.
DEDE (teary): Gloria, I was wrong. I let my jealousy consume me.
GLORIA (crossing arms): And the tequila.
MITCHELL (nervous): Let's focus on the positives! Like… [pauses] …Canada?
CAMERON (whispering to Lily): Daddy's hiding from the drama. [Pauses] …And also the lettuce dryer.
[Joey arrives, carrying a peace offering: a painting titled "Forgiveness in Primary Colors."]
JOEY: Art heals. [Pauses] Or at least distracts.
DEDE (sniffling): It's… beautiful.
GLORIA (softening): Fine. But if she mentions forgiveness one more time, I'm moving to Colombia.
--- INTERVIEW – CAMERON TUCKER ---
CAMERON: Dede's like a tornado. Destructive, unpredictable, and weirdly mesmerizing.
DUNPHY BACKYARD – FAMILY BBQ
The families unite for a chaotic BBQ. Dylan performs an acoustic version of "Moonlight," while Haley swoons. Claire glares.
DYLAN (singing): ♪ Baby, baby, maybe I will steal you…♫
CLAIRE (muttering): Over my dead body.
PHIL (grinning): He's got potential! Like a young Phil Dunphy.
JOEY (deadpan): Let's not traumatize him.
[Dede attempts tai chi, accidentally knocks over Jay's grill. Chaos ensues.]
--- INTERVIEW – JAY PRITCHETT ---
JAY: Dede's like a bad rash. Just when you think it's gone… bam. It's back.
AFTER FEW DAYS
--- INTERVIEW – JOEY DUNPHY ---
[Joey sits in his studio, surrounded by finished canvases. Buddy naps on a pile of fan mail labeled "Van Gogh with Abs."]
JOEY: Closure's like a blank canvas. You can paint over the mess, but the layers still show. [Pauses] …And sometimes, that's the beauty of it.
CHEVIOT HILLS ART GALLERY – OPENING NIGHT
Joey's exhibit, "Controlled Chaos," draws a crowd. Haley live-streams, Phil photobombs, and Claire critiques the wine selection.
HALEY (to camera): And here's the artist himself! Joey, how does it feel to be a star?
JOEY (deadpan): Overrated. [Pauses] …But the free snacks are nice.
CLAIRE (sipping wine): This merlot is… chaotic.
[Lila arrives, dressed to impress. She lingers by Joey's favorite piece, "Symmetry in the Static."]
--- INTERVIEW – LILA CARTER ---
LILA: Joey's art is… [pauses] …unexpected. Like him.
LEDFORD HOUSE – STUDY SESSION
The group "studies" while Lila vents about her jealousy. Zoe strums a sad ukulele tune.
LILA: I just… I want to be seen. Like Joey.
ETHAN (snorting): You're already seen. You're the bossy one with the color-coded planner.
ZOE (plucking chords): ♪ Lila's crush is a wildfire… burns her planner to ash~ ♫
JOEY (walking in): Can we focus? Or is this a therapy session?
LILA (blushing): It's productive venting.
[Joey hands her a sketch titled "Lila: Architect of Ambition."]
JOEY: You're already a masterpiece. Stop comparing.
LILA (softening): …Thanks.
[CUT TO INTERVIEW – ETHAN PARKER]
ETHAN: Joey's like a human Hallmark card. Deep down, he's all glitter and bad puns.
ACT 3: THE FAMILY FINALE
DUNPHY BACKYARD – SUNSET
The families gather for a final BBQ. Dede announces her move to Canada, Manny unveils his "revenge masterpiece" (a glitter bomb), and Dylan performs a new song titled "Claire's Glare."]
DYLAN (singing): ♪ Your mom's a fire, your dad's a clown…♫
CLAIRE (rolling eyes): I hate how catchy this is.
PHIL (grinning): Parent-approved!
[Joey presents a group portrait titled "Chaos & Connection." The families cheer as Buddy steals a hot dog.]
--- INTERVIEW – JOEY DUNPHY ---
JOEY: Family's like abstract art. Messy, unpredictable, and… [pauses] …weirdly beautiful.
FINAL SCENE
The camera pans over the laughing families, lingers on Joey's portrait, and fades as Buddy adds a paw print to the canvas. Text overlay: "Masterpiece Complete 🐾"]
POST-CREDITS INTERVIEW – BUDDY
[A close-up of Buddy chewing a paintbrush. Text overlay: "Artistic Genius… or Hungry Genius?"]