This was my clue to give up and fuck off from his life. He didn't like me, just used me, not that I was bothered, but fucking crawling back to a betrayer was the part I was not able to digest. I had sworn, particularly on no one, that I would try genuinely this time, so I should stick to my oath, right? I am shameless after everything, giving him more tools to dig my burial ground deeper.
We were silent after pouring things out. The damage was done; how far I was wounded, I didn't want to know, as my focus was on something else. His obsession with his feelings is not healthy, and Asher's possessiveness will cause more damage. This needs to be plucked out from the root, and that's impossible for now. If Ralph thinks of bouncing back to Asher, he must be ready to face anything and mentally prepared to take any decision. Maybe at this time, I could expect some changes, not more biased toward me. Oh god, I am getting obsessed with him, and within no time I will turn into a possessive shit like Asher. Even though I was a bloody stalker this new information hit me like a rock. I was scared but at the same time, I loved it when his whole being belonged to only me and Ralph didn't even like me just the motivation I wanted at the moment. I am in deep fucking trouble.
He turned the whole table and made me a victim. The reason why the hell I love to prepare myself before the battle, at least he has not yet turned this battlefield into my burial ground. When I am digging my own grave by not giving up, why the hell would he bother to dig any, right?
Who needs a psychiatrist, me or him? Let's concentrate on him now; I can take care of my obsession later. I don't think I need to consult a doctor, though, when I could just run. Pathetic, but I love my life to cause any self-harm. I took a deep breath before speaking.
"Ralph, I have fixed an appointment with a psychiatrist, and you are going." His smile vanished, replaced with his anger, and I didn't state to just backfire on this idiot, but he needed this. I know his blindfold addiction over Asher is not normal, and he is not getting it.
"I told you I have gone through that, but it was not useful, and I am not going through the same." "I have done my research, and this doctor is good, so no worries." "How many times do I need to tell you that was a fucking mistake, and I am not going to repeat it?" "That wasn't. Every time that bastard committed the same mistake, you forgave him, but this time he fucking committed the same, rather, you thought of ending it, and it's not a relationship but yourself. That's not healthy." He averted his eyes immediately, is it because of shame? I don't think so when he is still denying the fact. I huffed in annoyance.
"You knew?" I was perplexed by his question when it hit me, and I didn't hesitate to accept. "Yes, I did some digging." He was taken back for a second. "I thought he erased everything." "Well, I did deep digging." He was staring at me like I had grown two heads. "I always felt you were like Asher but in a different way." I coughed at that. Why the hell would I be anything like that bastard? "I am nothing like him." In return, he rolled his eyes.
I sighed, maybe, but not entirely; that's a good thing. I don't want to surpass that bastard in this life.
We were silent, Ralph was diverting the topic at his best, and he didn't know the level of persistence I could pour. At the same time, the silence was too good as my heart couldn't survive any more stabs, but I couldn't let go of this opportunity. He needs this, and I am making sure he is bloody agreeing to this at any cost.
"Ralph, I hate to repeat myself, but what you committed is not normal, so please agree to this." "How many times do I need to clear myself?" "You could have walked out, but you didn't, and that is not normal." "I know, but as I said, shit happens." "Ralph, your feelings are costing your life; don't you get it? You know about Asher still; every fucking time, you end up giving in to him. He is a fucking betrayer but still succeeds in manipulating you. The hold he has over you is strong because of your attachment, and that's not healthy." "Do you fucking think I don't know that, and I didn't try to get over him and move on?" That only triggered me; if he fucking tried a little bit harder, things would never go out of hand. "You could have tried harder." I snapped that was never my intention, but I couldn't help myself.
Only each other breathing could be heard at the moment but the environment suddenly turned chilly. I saw Ralph's face which was burning with anger as expected but there was something else too. Anger by default, hatred which I kind of invited and pure rage which was new, and I never saw at least once. I was petrified.
"Again, look who is fucking talking? I tried fucking once, and I ended up where I am today. I don't know how I felt about you at the time of dating, but genuinely, I wanted to try something out. I was young and stupid, and I grabbed the opportunity as soon as I broke up. I did feel something toward you, especially your odd behavior, so I was intrigued. You didn't hide how you felt toward me in front of my friends and also Asher, and you openly stalked me. I felt something at that point when you lent a shoulder when I ran from Asher; I genuinely felt something would work out other than Asher. My feelings were strong for Asher; I get it, but I didn't want to turn into my weakness, so I tried my best with you. It was not strong enough, but it was genuine, and everything collapsed when you started drifting. Most of the time, you would be mute without giving any explanation to anything. I wanted to speak, wanted a way out after the kiss, but you fucking pushed me back to him by avoiding the topic like a plague. Asher's constant approach made me feel vulnerable, and he fought for me openly, even with my family and friends. I didn't find anything to move on from him; his aura was strong enough to make anyone stop and back off, including you. He betrayed me and at the same time claimed me as if nothing had happened between us. His fucking feelings made me make stupid decisions, and I can't help it. I know he is a fucking betrayer and betrayed me again and again, but I didn't find any fucking good reason to move on. I was single and vulnerable, and I was fucking ok with it, but my family and friends weren't. Asher was the reason behind my vulnerability, and I was fucking ok with it, but they weren't. I was ok with being single and dying as I was, but they weren't. I tried to move on, but I fucking failed. What I am fucking trying to clarify to you is that I fucking tried. I fucking tried to find a reason to move on. I fucking searched for something to get over him, but I failed. I didn't find any reason to move on from him, so yes, I fucking gave in again and again and again. I am an idiot, but I can't help myself when it's him. Nothing didn't or could stopped me."
Ralph stopped and started catching his breath. At the same time, I started to suck the breath which I had held without even realization.
Tears were flowing without his control, and Ralph didn't bother to wipe them. I was numb and stuck in my place, staring at Ralph with overwhelming emotions. I tried to move to wipe his tears or at least to hug him, but I couldn't move a muscle. No one could ever explain the meaning of my cowardice this well; it was a strong slap, but no sound could be heard.
He tried to move on by using me, but I failed him; he tried different means, but he couldn't move on, of course, because of Asher and his power. He failed and was betrayed by the people who surrounded him.
He tried to play with my feelings to get over his feelings with Asher, and I was satisfied for now by hearing that he felt something toward me, but I didn't risk waiting to develop anything but rather ruined my chance.
Did I destroy everything even before starting? And again, if I had gone with the bloody flow and given in to my feelings, would things have worked out between us? The aftermath of our relationship always revolved around maybe or maybe not, and I didn't stay to find a definite answer.
I needed to rebuild everything; the base was strong, I could sense it, and I had to concentrate on other things. He still feels something for me, but not strong enough, which I need to take care of most.
Either take a step to start everything fresh or take a step back; don't start anything by having a second thought. Pledge your heart and see what's going to happen; you can be lucky at this time. Is it even possible when luck was always a loyal partner with money and power?
This debate wouldn't go anywhere unless I took a step forward and laid out my feelings. I don't know with whom Ralph was going to end, but I need to make sure he chose me at any cost. Take a step with confidence; if you don't get the expected result, kidnap him; the case is solved. I almost chuckled at my statement, but when I saw Ralph, who was still in tears, I meek down the volume.
After the ease that, I found myself in this situation, I started walking toward Ralph. I stared at his teary eyes knowingly or unknowingly. I don't want this to repeat in the future, but considering his decision-making, it's hard, but I can try. I hate how much those teary eyes affect me. I grunted without my consciousness, which caught Ralph's attention. I started wiping those tears irrespective of his efforts to stop me and exhaled myself in the process before speaking.
"I have fixed an appointment next week." He was opening his mouth, but I raised my hand, indicating I needed to complete my sentence. "You are not going to the session alone. I am going to accompany you to every session without missing. Don't argue anymore on this; we both know you need this before taking any decision in your personal life."
He was silent, and I took it as his consent. I closed the remaining distance between us, and when my eyes met his red, puffy eyes, I scooted a little backward, grunting. Ralph started walking toward the room; my intention was to follow him, but my leg was stuck to the ground.