Chapter 31: Uncle And Aunt's Scheme (2)
The hall was lit up like a VSCO girl's selfie setup. On the table, the food looked as dead as Uncle's rizz and the wine was colder than Aunt's side-eye.
Candlelight flickered, making their shadows do the cringiest TikTok dance on the wall. At their feet, Mother Shen was kneeling like she lost a Fortnite 1v1.
Uncle finally spoke:
"BRO FANG YUAN REALLY SAID 'L + RATIO' TO MY WHOLE VIBE. I tried the nice guy act—invite him in, boot him later. But this kid's built DIFFERENT. Didn't even TOUCH the doormat!"
Auntie's face looked like she bit into a Warhead. "This gremlin's SIXTEEN. If he asks for his inheritance, we're COOKED. We SPENT that money on GUCCI and MOONBLADES—WHAT DO WE DO?!"
Uncle yeeted Mother Shen out like a bad gacha pull, then smirked like he just unlocked the villain DLC.
"CHILL. I've been grinding this side quest. To get the inheritance bag, he needs Rank 2. Kid's already Rank 1 peak stage—kinda cracked, ngl. Heh."
Auntie gasped. "WAIT… so even if he APPLIES, he still needs to complete some whack mission to get the bread?"
Uncle's grin went 📈. "BINGO. And guess who assigns missions? The internal affairs hall. And guess who runs Fang Yuan's squad? Our boy Jiao San. And guess who OWNS Jiao San? THIS GUY." [points to self like a Marvel villain]
Auntie's eyes sparkled like she just found a cheat code. "SO Fang Yuan can't even GET the mission without Jiao San… and Jiao San's OUR NPC?!"
Uncle leaned back looking smugger than a cat who just knocked over a $2000 vase.
"FACTS. Even if he somehow gets the mission, good luck finishing it WITHOUT the squad. And if he tries to LEAVE the group? LMAO the internal affairs hall will CANCEL him harder than a problematic YouTuber."
MEANWHILE, FANG YUAN'S SIGMA GRINDSET ARC
Snow stopped falling but the air was still colder than Auntie's DM replies.
Fang Yuan stomped through the snow like he was speedrunning a villain origin story.
"Uncle and Auntie's gameplay is WEAK. They're trying to softlock me out of my inheritance like it's some pay-to-win mobile game."
Two-step process to secure the bag:
1️⃣ Apply for mission (can't do it if he's stuck in Jiao San's infinite mission loop)
2️⃣ Complete mission (impossible when your whole squad is secretly griefing you)
"Jiao San out here playing 4D chess while these fools think they're winning checkers."
Most people would've ragequit and cried to the clan leader by now.
Fang Yuan? He was taking NOTES for his future villain TED Talk.
"Could just assassinate them all but that's too MAIN CHARACTER. Clan investigates dead Gu Masters harder than Twitter investigates clout chasers. Not worth it... yet."
His eyes landed on a bamboo shack that looked like it failed its building safety inspection in 3 different dynasties.
"My old spot from last life. Cheap, crusty, and most importantly—no hidden malware."
He knocked like the IRS at a tax evader's door.
THE APARTMENT (NO RIZZ JUST DEPRESSION)
The landlord (who looked like he'd been alive since the invention of dirt) showed him a room that made prison look like a 5-star resort.
Bed: 1 (suspicious stains included FREE)
Blanket: More holes than my mental stability
Heating: "LOL" - Landlord, probably
Vibes: Literally just the backrooms
Fang Yuan sat on the bed like it was his villain lair throne.
"Perfect. Cozy. Derelict. Just like my MORALS."
He closed his eyes and started cultivating, his primeval essence slamming against his aperture walls like a Twitter stan fighting for their life in the quotes.
Problem:
C-grade talent = weaker than a free trial character
Rank 2 breakthrough needs 55% primeval but he's stuck at 44% like a F2P player
"I'm basically trying to break diamond with a wooden pickaxe right now."
After an hour of getting nowhere, he opened his eyes. The oil lamp had died. The room was darker than Uncle's karma.
He stood up, walked to the window, and YANKED it open like it owed him money.
Moonlight hit the snow like nature's own Instagram filter. The wind smacked his face like reality's wake-up call.
Fang Yuan smirked.
"Just a little wind frost. My grindset is weatherproof."
FANG YUAN? MORE LIKE FANG GONE 💀
The room was emptier than my wallet after a gacha pull. Fang Yuan had vanished like a TikTok trend, leaving behind only a note taped to the door like a bad ransom letter:
"brb grinding to Rank 2 – pls no disturb ✌️😘"
Jiao San's eye twitched. "This little SHIT—"
Kong Jing gasped like a dramatic auntie. "He's trying to SKIP the mission arc?? RUDE."
The two female Gu Masters clutched imaginary pearls. "No WAY he thinks he can just IGNORE us?? The AUDACITY—"
Jiao San's smile was faker than a $5 Rolex. "Ohoho~ Don't worry, little brother Fang Yuan~ We're just soooo worried about you~" [kicks door down like the Kool-Aid Man]
BAM.
The door flew off its hinges—
Room status:
Fang Yuan: Missing 💨
Vibes: Abandoned Minecraft starter house
Jiao San's patience: -100
MEANWHILE, IN A SECRET GRINDSPOT…
Fang Yuan sat cross-legged in a crusty mountain shack, looking more sleep-deprived than a college student during finals week.
Aperture status:
Primeval Essence: 44% (weak sauce)
Crack Progress: 1% per hour (glacial pace)
Mental Stability: Hanging by a thread
"This is like trying to break diamond with a wooden pickaxe…" Fang Yuan groaned, chugging primeval stones like energy drinks.
For THREE DAYS STRAIGHT, he:
Cultivated
Ate (sometimes)
Shit (rarely)
Repeat
No breaks. No showers. Just Sigma Male Grindset.
BACK IN THE VILLAGE…
Jiao San's copium levels were 📈: "Maybe a wolf ate him??"
Kong Jing nodded sagely. "Yeah! Yeah! Definitely wolves. Not our fault he's missing~"
The female Gu Masters high-fived. "Clan rules say no refunds on dead members' mission slots! We're FREE—"
FATAL ERROR.
OnDAY 4, Fang Yuan's aperture walls—
CRACK. CRACK. BOOM. 💥
NEW UNLOCK:
Rank 2 Red Steel Primeval Essence 🔴
Villain Arc Upgrade: +10% intimidation
Exhaustion Debuff: "I need a WEEK of sleep."
RETURN OF THE KING (IT'S GIVING MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY)
Fang Yuan stumbled out of the shack like a zombie, blinking at the sunlight like it personally offended him.
Jiang He gasped. "BRO YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LOST A FIGHT TO A GHOST."
Fang Yuan, dead-eyed: "Worth it."
Jiang He's respect 📈: "Damn. You actually did it. Absolute madman."
Snow fell softly as Fang Yuan trudged back to the village, his aura now RANK 2 HIM ENERGY.
The Gu Yue village loomed in the distance, blissfully unaware—
Jiao San's villain era was about to get CANCELED.