Okami's POV
NEXT DAY
"Rentarou, do you mind if I borrow the kitchen today?" I ask early in the morning.
Still half-asleep, he wobbles slightly and mumbles, "Eh? When did you become so formal, man? Yeah, go ahead, take it."
"Ah, so you're not coming to college today, right?" he asks, rubbing his eyes.
"Yeah, I'm not," I reply.
His expression shifts to one of concern. "Are you sure, Okami? You really wanna go meet your sister?"
I nod with a small smile. "Every year on her birthday, I've always made her pancakes. Mom taught me this when I was little… and since then, Nee-chan has loved the pancakes I make."
Rentarou frowns slightly. "But isn't she rude to you, Okami? She even thro—"
"I know," I cut him off before he can finish. "But can you blame her? It's my fault. I respect her a lot. She became an HR in a big company at just 21. She's hardworking and kind… unlike me she is doing lot for our family. I just… I just want to give her the pancakes she loves on her birthday. Today."
I mix the eggs into the batter, focusing on the familiar rhythm of making pancakes. I hope she likes them. I hope… she understands.
Rentarou sighs but gives me a small smile. "I hope she likes them… and that your feelings reach her."
He stretches, shaking off his sleepiness. "Well, I better get ready and leave now, or I'll be late for college."
With that, he quickly gathers his things and heads out, leaving me alone in the kitchen, flipping pancakes with quiet determination.
As I finish making the pancakes, I quickly pack them neatly, making sure they're perfect. Then, I get ready and leave.
But as I reach in front of Nee-chan's office, nervousness suddenly grips me. Maybe… maybe I shouldn't have come. I'll just wish her in a different way.
Deciding against meeting her in person, I walk over to the reception desk and ask for a sticky note and a pen. I take a deep breath and write:
Happy Birthday, Nee-chan. I know you like my pancakes, so I made them fresh. Eat up right away!
~ Okami
I hand the lunchbox and the note to a staff member. "Excuse me, can you please give this to my nee-chan? Um, I mean, Reika Kurokawa?"
The staff girl smiles. "Yes, definitely!" She takes the package and heads upstairs.
I step outside, standing near the entrance, staring at the office building. Should I have gone up myself? Should I have given it to her directly?
Doubt lingers in my mind, but… maybe this is for the best.
As I stand there, lost in thought, I suddenly see her—Nee-chan, walking towards me with the lunchbox in her hand. A wide smile appears on my face.
She came down from her busy schedule… for me?
The same Nee-chan who once said she never wanted to see me again… she actually came.
I step forward, heart swelling with hope. "Nee-chan, happy birth—"
Before I can finish, she throws the lunchbox straight into the trash bin beside me.
Huh?
For a moment, I can't process what just happened. I spent my morning making those pancakes, just like I always did. I made them with all my heart. So why…?
I look at her, confused, but the glare she gives me is ice cold.
"You've got some nerve showing up here," she spits. "Giving me pancakes, huh? Why didn't you bring them yourself? Oh—right. What face were you even planning to show me? The face of someone who has no shame? Someone who doesn't even regret what he's done?"
The words hit like a whip, sharp and unforgiving. My throat tightens. "Nee-chan, I... I just thought—every birthday, I always made you pancakes, so I—"
My voice trembles. I swallow hard, trying to stop it from shaking. But before I can even finish my sentence, she cuts me off again.
"Oh, so now you're going to act like nothing ever happened? Like you're some good guy now?" Her voice is laced with disgust.
What is she saying?
My hands clench into fists at my sides as I try to understand. It's just pancakes… I just wanted to wish her a happy birthday… Why is she saying all this?
I take a deep breath, forcing myself to speak, to explain. "Nee-chan, I didn't think of anything else. I just wanted to wish—"
But she doesn't let me finish.
"Ahh, you know what, Okami? I said it before, and I'll say it again—I don't want to see your ugly face ever again!" she snaps, voice dripping with venom.
She steps closer, sneering. "And what's with your smile? Always smiling like an idiot—what do you have to be happy about? Have some shame for once in your life! For what you did to Shizuka, you piece of trash!"
I feel something inside me crack.
"And what's with your voice?" she continues, rolling her eyes. "It was already garbage, and now you're crying like a pathetic little baby? Ugh, my ears hurt just hearing you!"
I instinctively bring a hand to my throat. My voice... is it really that bad?
She looks me up and down, a look of pure disgust twisting her features. "And what happened after getting thrown out of the house? Did you finally realize how hard it is to survive? You can't even afford a haircut? Look at you. What an ugly pig."
Her words dig into my skin like knives, each one sharper than the last.
"You hold no value in this world, Okami. No one will ever stay by your side. Anyone who does will only regret it in the future."
I feel my nails digging into my palm. Stop… stop talking… please…
"Whoever stays with you will just suffer—just like Shizuka did!"
My breath catches.
"And that dream of yours?" She lets out a harsh, mocking laugh. "Do you seriously think your trash writing will ever get published? There are real writers out there, Okami. People who actually have talent. And you? You don't even understand what love is. Someone like you shouldn't even be writing romance stories!"
My entire body feels cold.
"You shouldn't even exis—"
I don't hear the rest. I can't.
I turn and run.
I don't even know where I'm going—I just run, hiding my face, my vision blurred by tears. My chest tightens, my breath hitching, my heart aching so badly it feels like it might rip apart.
I run and run, but no matter how far I go, her voice keeps ringing in my head.
"You shouldn't even exist."
I want to scream, but no sound comes out.
Why?
Why did I think she would accept those pancakes ? Why did I hope?
Why did I come here at all?
I ran and ran until my breath felt as heavy as a rock, my chest burning with every gasp. My legs finally gave out, and I sank onto the stairs in front of Rentarou's apartment.
I didn't have the courage to go inside.
My mind was still trapped in the echoes of Nee-chan's words.
"No one will ever stay by your side. Anyone who does will only regret it in the future."
"Whoever stays with you will just suffer—"
She's right.
Staying with someone as pathetic as me will only bring negativity, failure, and suffering.
After I was thrown out of the house, Rentarou took me in. And because he stayed by my side, he got isolated too. Everyone in high school judged him for being friends with me. He lost people because of me.
Why?
Why did I even bother existing?
I shouldn't even exist.
I grip my hair, trying to silence the thoughts, but they keep coming, crashing over me like waves.
Then—
"Okami! Okami!"
A familiar voice shakes me, snapping me back to reality.
Rentaro crouches in front of me, his hands firm on my shoulders. "Oi, Okami, what are you doing out here? Why didn't you come in?"
I look up at him, and the moment his eyes meet mine, his expression shifts. He sees it. My red, swollen eyes. The way my body is slumped. The weight of what happened must be clear enough without me saying a word.
He doesn't ask any more questions. Instead, he pulls me up to my feet. "Let's get inside first," he says firmly.
He grabs his bag, unlocks the apartment door, and leads me in.
I sink into the couch as Rentarou disappears into the kitchen for a moment. When he returns, he hands me a glass of water.
"Here. Drink."
I take it, but I don't move to drink it. My hands feel too weak.
Rentaro watches me, then sighs. "Did it not go well?"
I don't answer.
But he understands.
He drops onto the couch beside me and nudges my shoulder lightly. "Come on, man. Don't be so gloomy. You've still got that college writing competition to focus on, right?"
His voice is casual, but I can tell he's just trying to distract me.
Like he always does.
Like he always has.
I lower my gaze.
"...Yeah."
But right now… I don't know if I can write anything at all.
I stare at the floor, my fingers gripping the edge of the couch. My voice comes out barely above a whisper.
"Rentarou... I think I shouldn't dream of becoming a writer."
For a moment, there's silence. Then—
Smack!
Rentarou flicks my forehead, making me wince.
"What are you, stupid?" he snaps. "You worked so damn hard to get into college, took a scholarship exam just to be here, and now you're saying this crap? What the hell happened to you, Okami?"
I lower my head. "...My work is trash."
Rentarou scoffs. "Says who?"
I swallow hard. "I don't understand love. I have no right to write romance."
There's a brief pause. Then Rentarou lets out a sharp, disbelieving laugh. "Hah? What are you even saying, idiot?" He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "You don't understand love? You?"
His voice softens, but there's no doubt in his tone.
"I've seen you all the way till now, Okami. And if there's anyone who understands love better than most people, it's you."
I clench my fists. "But—"
"And whatever happened with Shizuka," Rentarou cuts me off, his voice firm, "was her fault. Not yours. You did nothing wrong."
I inhale sharply. Those words… no one has ever said them to me before.
Rentarou suddenly grins, leaning back on the couch. "Ah, by the way, Okami—did you meet any cute girl yesterday in the library?"
His question catches me completely off guard. "Huh?"
I hesitate for a moment but then give a small nod.
"Ohh! That girl, um… Usagi? Yeah, Usagi-chan! She came looking for you today in our department."
I blink, surprised. "She… what?"
"Yeah, she asked for you. When I told her you weren't in college today, she said she'll come again tomorrow."
"...Why?"
Rentarou shrugs. "She said she wanted some book recommendations from you."
I frown. I don't get it. Why would she come looking for me? I was rude to her yesterday. I didn't even tell her my name…
"Oi, Okami, what are you zoning out for?" Rentarou snaps his fingers in front of my face.
I shake my head. "It's nothing."
Rentarou stretches his arms behind his head. "So should I tell her once you're back? She seemed like she genuinely wanted to meet you."
But just as he says that, my sister's words echo in my mind—
"No one will ever stay by your side. Anyone who does will only regret it in the future."
"Whoever stays with you will just suffer."
My chest tightens. I lower my gaze and force the words out.
"Rentarou… if you see her again, tell her that I don't remember meeting anyone in the library."
Rentarou's expression shifts. "Huh? What are you saying, Okami?"
"I don't want to meet anyone." My voice is flat, distant.
I don't know what kind of expression I make, but Rentarou—who always argues—doesn't protest this time. He just nods.