Alright, so the last thing I remember was choking on tea, barely surviving a muscular maid table juggling show, and then—bam—a table flies through the air and smacks me straight in the face.
Before that, though, there was something else. Haruto—Dumbuto, as I like to call him—was about to say something important. He had this serious look on his face, like he was going to reveal some world-changing secret. I was barely able to prepare for it when—BOOM—the quest notification pops up with its usual annoying flair.
And then, it was over. The table hit me. My face met the floor. Lights out.
Now, I wake up in this ridiculously fancy room. I mean, I'm talking pillow-soft bed, golden trim on the furniture, and the air even smells rich, if that's possible. I sit up in the bed, looking around with wide eyes.
"Wait a minute... What is this?! Where am I?!" I glance at the ridiculous surroundings—seriously, everything looks like it was ripped from the pages of some high-class fantasy novel.
And then it hits me: I'm rich!
"Yes! I knew it! This game was just a dream, right? That flying table was the last thing I needed to wake up into a fancy mansion! A life of luxury and power! This is my reward for surviving the absurdity!"
I stretch dramatically, arms out like I'm about to conquer the world.
"I must've been a hero in my past life or something. Of course, I'm totally swimming in wealth now! Look at this room! This has to be the mansion of a noble or something! I've finally made it, folks!"
Except, wait—did I make it? I still don't know how I ended up here. Did I get kidnapped by some rich person? Or is this some kind of twisted luxury game world?
I rub my eyes and get out of bed, tripping over the stupidly soft sheets like a fool. I swear I've got the worst luck. Great. Even in the lap of luxury, I'm still a walking disaster.
As I stand up and glance around, a weird thought hits me. Before the table, Haruto was about to say something. Something important. I can't quite remember, but there was a serious vibe around him. Something about secrets, I think?
Ugh, whatever. It's not important. I'll deal with it later.
I move toward the window and look out. Mountains. Forests. A view so nice, it looks like a stock image for a vacation ad. "Yeah... totally not a random fantasy world or anything."
I sigh, flopping back onto the bed. "Whatever. I'm rich now. Who needs answers when you've got this much fluff?"
"Let's just hope I don't choke on a flying table again."
---
So, there I am, in my new, absurdly luxurious room, finally thinking I might get a moment to relax and enjoy this rich life—but of course, that's when the door bursts open.
BAM!
In comes Haruto—or should I say, Dumbuto, as I like to call him—screaming at the top of his lungs like a complete drama queen.
"JIN! MY BEST FRIEND!" he yells, voice cracking on the "best friend" part like he's about to announce the most epic revelation of all time.
I almost choke on my own spit. "No way. Not here. Not now."
I mean, seriously, what's the point of even having a nice, peaceful mansion moment if he has to ruin it with his ridiculous cliches? I throw my hands up, groaning, "Of course Dumbuto's here. Of course, I'm still stuck in this stupid game."
Devastating sigh.
I can't even escape this trash world in peace. As much as I want to pretend like everything's fine and I'm living the high life now, noooo, this guy has to show up, totally ruining the mood.
But then, as I look up at Haruto—or wait, do I even call him Haruto? It doesn't feel right anymore—I notice something... weird.
His entrance is so dramatic, his short, long hair bouncing like he just stepped out of some shoujo anime, and his white shirt flapping open a bit too much. But that's not what catches my attention. No, what catches my attention is... her chest.
Wait. Her? What?
I freeze, like I've just been hit with an epiphany I didn't ask for. I stare at Haruto's... tight bandaged chest. The shirt, it's open and—wait a second.
"Her?!" I repeat out loud, my face turning bright red. I can't help it. I try not to stare, but it's like my eyes are glued to this bandaged... situation. Her? His? What the hell is going on?!
With every step Haruto takes closer to me, my brain goes into overdrive. My entire body feels like it's turning into a furnace.
"Uh, s-stop!" I stammer, trying to take a step back. "E-evil spirit, don't come any closer!"
What am I even saying? I've lost my mind. I've gone completely crazy. But Haruto—or Dumbuto, whatever the heck I'm supposed to call him now—keeps getting closer, his footsteps echoing in the room like a villain closing in for the kill.
"Jin, we've been through so much together," Haruto says dramatically, reaching for me with a hand that I swear is about to touch me.
"Don't come any closer!" I shout, waving my hands like I'm warding off some kind of monster. "I-I swear I'll start chanting some kind of exorcism or something—stop!"
Honestly, I can't even look at Haruto anymore. I'm trying to figure out if I'm about to pass out from the embarrassment or if I'm going to scream at him to explain what the hell is going on. This whole situation is completely out of hand, and I can't even make sense of anything anymore.
So, of course, this is the exact moment I realize something truly horrifying:
This game... isn't just some dumb isekai plot. It's the worst kind of trap.
----
Okay, hold up. This is where it gets really weird.
So there I am, still trying to back away from Haruto—Dumbuto—who's looking at me like I'm the one who's totally lost it. I'm about to make a break for it when—bam—he suddenly gets all serious on me.
He stares at the floor for a second, his usual oblivious smile fading. "Jin... there's something I need to tell you." His voice... It's almost like he's genuinely sad.
I blink, completely thrown off guard. "Wait, what?"
He takes a deep breath and starts explaining with this dramatic tone, like he's about to reveal some earth-shattering truth. "The thing is... my family—the von Edelweiss family—we don't have an heir. I'm supposed to be the next duke, but..." He pauses for dramatic effect, clearly trying to build up the tension. "I was born a girl. And... I have to be a boy to inherit the title."
I just stand there, blinking in complete confusion. "Wait... What?"
"Yeah," he continues, looking all heavy-hearted. "I was raised as a girl, but they expect me to be a boy so I can take the family legacy. I've been wearing these bandages..." He gestures awkwardly to his chest, "...to pretend I'm a guy. It's been my secret all this time. I... I'm supposed to be the heir, Jin, but... I'm not. That's my burden."
I just stare at him, my brain slowly trying to process the total mess of a plotline he just dropped on me.
"Are you—are you telling me that you are—what? A noble... girl... pretending to be a boy because your family needs you to be one to keep their title?!"
Haruto nods solemnly, looking like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. "Exactly."
And just like that, my brain short circuits. I can't handle this. This... this whole situation is way too much.
"Hold up!" I shout, hands up in defense. "I need to process all of this! I thought this was just some dumb game world with messed-up mechanics, but now you're telling me there's family drama, secret gender identities, and... noble titles in the mix?!"
I start pacing around, pulling at my hair. "I've had two days, TWO DAYS of 'friendship' with you, and now you're throwing all this garbage at me?! I came to this world to escape bugs and bad quests, not to deal with... this!"
Haruto looks at me like he doesn't understand why I'm flipping out. "Jin, we're best friends. We can deal with it together. It's not that bad. And besides, now that you know my secret, you can help me. I've never had anyone to share this burden with before... not until yesterday."
I just stare at him, unable to respond. My mind is still trying to figure out if this is real or if I'm just stuck in some game world where absolutely NOTHING makes sense anymore.
"You... you want me to help you pretend you're a boy?" I ask, still trying to grasp the sheer absurdity of the situation. "I'm supposed to help you fake being a noble duke's heir? Is that really what you're asking of me?"
Haruto just nods with those big, innocent eyes, completely oblivious to the fact that I'm the one who's about to lose it.
"Please, Jin," he says, "You're my best friend. You're the only one who knows. Please don't leave me alone with this secret."
I can't even. I don't know what's worse—the fact that Haruto is actually a girl or that I'm being dragged into this ridiculous mess.
"I need time. I need to think! I can't just process everything in one go!"
I flop down on the nearest chair and bury my face in my hands. "What the hell is going on here?"