I've finally made it to the train station. My train is just about to leave! I knew I should have ignored Emanon. I jump on board just in time. I nearly missed seeing Olympia and Kumiko because of Emanon. But maybe that's for the better. I've been harassed enough already, haven't I?
"Yo, Kiyomi!" I hear something call out.
I would like to know what Olympia and Kumiko have planned for today. Will they work me to the bone today? I'm beat from these last days. Why did I accept the date, anyway?
"Yo, yo, Kiyomi!" it yells out again.
Wait, considering where we're going, is it possible for me to see those two in their swimsuits?
"Yo, yo, yo, Kiyomi! That's pure perversion! You're better than that!" it exclaims.
"Oh, Jiminy. I didn't notice you there."
"Uso, uso…"
"I didn't expect to see you here today. Where are you headed?" I don't know why I ask; I'm not too interested in her plans, or her, to be more precise. She scares me.
"If you must know, I'm headed to the—"
"Wait—I've been trying to keep that a secret from the readers."
"Do you seriously think the readers are too stupid not to piece together your plans today? Well, they'd have to be stupid to pick up a story that has you as a main character. Everyone's waiting for me to narrate one of these sardonic stories."
"Don't call my readers stupid! They're not that stupid (sorry). Also, I doubt anyone reading is interested in whatever story you have to tell."
"You'll be eating your words soon. After we eat some tasty watermelons, we will settle down at the beach first."
"So, you were invited too, huh?"
"It's not like it's some crazy plot twist or anything. Anyways, yes, Kumiko invited me to the beach with you guys. Honestly, though, I expected you to be more surprised. Why aren't you?"
"I'm used to my days being whimsical now. I've grown adjusted to you guys and your unpredictability. I guess you can say, I've adapted."
Wait—Kumiko? What the hell? I glossed it over, but I thought she said Olympia. Why would Kumiko, of all people, invite Kagami to today's date? I'd expect Olympia to be the one sending the invitation, but not Kumiko.
"Last night I received a phone call from Kumiko, who then proceeded to invite me to today's date. Only perverts would call a hang-out with no one else but girls a date, though."
"Rude… Does Olympia know that you will be joining us today? She's the one who invited me, not Kumiko, and she didn't mention you, full offense."
"None taken. I'm uncertain whether or not Olympia knows that I'll be joining you all today. I hope this surprise doesn't upset her."
"It totally will. You should head back home, full offense."
"None taken. I've never interacted with Olympia; I know as much about her as you do. I hope she treats me as well as she treats you."
"Doubt it; Olympia will probably treat you with the utmost respect. As if you two have been friends for a while."
"Olympia? You already know about our nonexistent relationships. Well, I don't know if you do—but you do. You're the one who knows everything."
I know everything? Didn't Emanon say something entirely different? I don't know anything. I'm the one who knows everything. Which one of them is right? Which one of them is telling the truth? Which truth do I want to believe?
"You already know the answers to those questions, Kiyomi. You already know how this story will play out and how it will end. You know everything. I am the fool, Kiyomi. We are the fools, Kiyomi. I am the fool who knows nothing. You are the fool who knows all. We are like love and darkness. Darkness is just another face of love."
What is she bantering about? I expected this train trip to relax, but now I'm forced to play mental gymnastics with this fool–this other face of mine.
"Love is just another face of darkness…" I mutter out. I don't know why. I don't know everything. No—That's wrong. I do know why. I just refuse to admit it to you all—the one reading. I just refuse to admit it to myself—the one writing.
"See, Kiyomi, you know everything. You act like you don't, but you do. Is there a single thing that you don't know? Don't say something like: I don't know everything, I only know what I know. You can lie to those following along. You can lie to those you hold most dear. You can lie to the people you love. You can lie to the people you hate. But—no matter what—you can't lie to me, and you should never lie to yourself. Please, for me, Kiyomi Otonashi, the person who knows how this whole story will play out and end, please don't lie to us. I know I'm not someone you can trust with your whole heart, and maybe I never will be someone you can trust with your whole life, but just don't lie to us. Well, you already know whether or not you will lie to us. So, Kiyomi Otonashi, can you answer this one question without lying: Will you never lie to us?"
I can't muster up a single word. She's someone whom I'm scared to run into. She's someone I'm afraid to talk to. She's someone who I am petrified to know exists at the same time I do and always will. She killed me. She killed me. She killed me. She killed me.
She.
Killed.
Me.
I can't forgive her, and I can't trust her.
But I already know this. These thoughts, these beliefs, don't need to be thought out. I already know this. Yet, I still think of them. I still know of them. How the hell do you expect me to trust someone who killed me? How the hell do you expect me to trust myself after I allowed myself to be killed by her?
How do you expect me not to lie to her? To myself? To us?
I—
I hate her.
I—
I hate myself.
I—
I hate us.
I'll never forgive us. I don't want to look at myself; I don't want to look at her. Why couldn't I have just died and stayed dead? Why must this story go on?
"You already know the answer to that, Kiyomi Otonashi. Contrary to what you believe, you can trust me. You can trust yourself. You know I don't know anything, but I am certain of one thing: Even if you don't know, I know, that one day in the far, far future, you will be able to trust me; you will be able to trust yourself; you will be able to trust us. Believe in me, Kagami Shikocha. Believe in yourself, Kiyomi Otonashi. Believe in us, the darkness that is the other face of love, and the love that is the other face of darkness."
"Thank you," I say without a moment's delay. I'm uncertain about most things. I may not know anything. I may know everything. I'm unsure. What I do know, however, is that I'm thankful for Kagami's out-of-nature, kind words.
"Of course, Kiyomi Otonashi! We're friends, after all, right?"
"Of course, we are. You don't need to say my full name all the time, either. You can just call me Oto if you'd like."
"I'd say something, but I'm pretty sure someone has already said it. Thank you, Oto."
I won't say another word; I don't want to ruin this moment. We sit side by side on this train ride. I'm only just realizing that the only attendants of this train are Kagami and I.
And like that—
We head to the beach where Olympia and Kumiko are waiting.
Side by side—
Alone on this train ride.
"Once we get the chance," Kagami interrupts the silence, "can we talk about what type of sky we see?"
I shake my head yes. "Of course we can, Gami-sama."
"I never said you could call me that!"
We share a laugh. A laugh that only she and I can hear. The sound of our laughter resonates within our ears and soon fades away.
I know that I'll never forget the laugh I share with her.