**System Alert:**
*Welcome to [Love.exe] – A Storyweaver™ Production*
*Main Quest: Fall in Love in 30 Days*
*Failure: Eternal Lobotomization into a Background NPC*
---
The "romantic" safehouse was a cottage ripped from a Hallmark movie—if Hallmark hired a horror director. Flowerpots oozed black sludge, the fireplace crackled with pixelated screams, and the lone bed (of course there was only one) was shaped like a coffin.
Alex glared at the floating tutorial:
**[Tutorial Pop-Up]**
*How to Romance 101!*
*Step 1: Compliment your partner!*
*Step 2: Share a traumatic backstory!*
*Step 3: Kiss as the world burns! 💖*
Kairo leaned against the bloodstained wall, now stuck in a *romance lead* outfit—velvet blazer, unbuttoned shirt, and a rose tattoo that pulsed like a live wire. "If you laugh, I'm burning this place down."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Alex lied, their cybernetic arm glitching between a plasma blade and a *heart-shaped shield*. "But the tattoo's a nice touch. Very… *edgy*."
A chime rang.
**[Daily Objective Updated]**
*Task: Cook a "romantic" dinner together!*
*Reward: +10 Chemistry Points (???)*
*Penalty: -20 Sanity (Mandatory)*
The kitchen materialized. The fridge held eyeball quiches, the stove spewed acid, and the cookbook's title flickered: *50 Ways to Season a Protagonist*.
Kairo tossed a cleaver made of data-shards. "You chop the nightmare carrots. I'll handle the *whatever this is*." He poked a sentient lasagna that hissed.
Alex raised an eyebrow. "Since when do you cook?"
"Since the system overwrote my survival instincts with *domestic bliss*." He slammed the oven shut on the lasagna's screams. "You're welcome."
---
Dinner was a disaster (literally). The table melted, the wine was liquid jump scares, and their "Chemistry Points" flatlined.
**[System Notice]**
*Chemistry: -15/100*
*Kairo's Trust: [ERROR – File Encrypted]*
*New Status: [Mutual Loathing Synergy] – Deal 200% damage when arguing!*
The Storyweaver's laugh crackled through the cottage's speakers: **"Adorable! But let's raise the stakes."**
The walls dissolved into a zombie apocalypse—*romantic* edition. Rotting couples lurched through a park strewn with Valentine's corpses, their moans harmonizing to a pop ballad.
**[Emergency Quest]**
*Survive the Lovebirds' Last Dance!*
*Bonus Objective: Slow dance with your partner!*
Kairo shot a zombie bride through the head. "Dance. *Now*."
"Why?"
"Because the system's rigged, and I'd rather *not* die to a zombie's duet!"
They grabbed each other—Alex's hand on Kairo's waist, his grip on their glitching arm. They spun through the carnage, bullets and blade strokes synced to the beat.
**[Chemistry +30!]**
*New Skill Unlocked: [Enemies-to-??? – Tier 1]*
Alex's dagger phased through a zombie's heart. "This is the worst date ever."
"You're the worst date ever," Kairo muttered, blasting a zombie groom's head off.
**[Chemistry +50!]**
---
Back at the cottage, Alex collapsed onto the coffin-bed. "We're stuck here for *30 days*?"
Kairo tossed his blazer into the acid-fireplace. "Unless you've got a better plan."
"I do." Alex's eyes glowed gold—*Author Mode* flickering to life. "We break the system."
**[System Alert]**
*Warning: Unauthorized Creativity Detected.*
*Countermeasure: Deploying [Beta Readers].*
The ceiling cracked open, raining down 1-star reviews:
*"Alex is so unlikable! Why not make them softer?"*
*"Kairo's scar is distracting. Delete it!"*
*"This romance sucks. Add a love triangle!"*
Alex's cybernetic arm spasmed. "Oh, we're *definitely* breaking it."