The 1-star reviews weren't just comments—they were alive.
"Alex is so unlikable!" morphed into a screeching harpy made of Twitter bird logos, talons slashing. "Delete the scar!" became a swarm of pixelated erasers, scrubbing at Kairo's face until his skin bled raw code.
Alex's cybernetic arm—now a hybrid of crayon scribbles and plasma—swung wildly. "Since when do Beta Readers have teeth?!"
"Since you gave the Storyweaver access to your AO3 history," Kairo snarled, shooting a review harpy mid-dive.
[System Alert]
Beta Reader Onslaught: 78% Completion
Objective: Survive the Feedback Loop!
Bonus: Block 3 Hate Comments to Unlock [Thick Skin] (Tier 1)!
Alex ducked as "This romance sucks!" materialized as a literal vacuum, sucking the cottage into a black hole of tropes. "New plan! We weaponize the cringe!"
They grabbed the "Add a love triangle!" review and hurled it into the vortex.
***
Achievement Unlocked: [Trojan Trope]
The vortex birthed a third wheel: Alex's old OC, Crimson Fang (a half-vampire, half-werewolf bard with a tragic TikTok following).
***
"You!" Crimson Fang hissed, strumming a lute made of bones. "You abandoned me to write this trash?!"
Kairo raised an eyebrow. "You made this?"
"I was 14!" Alex tackled Crimson into a pit of zombie lovebirds. "And you're canonically dead!"
***
The chaos peaked when the Storyweaver deployed its secret weapon:
Final Beta Reader: [Your Biggest Fan]
Trope: [Yandere Devotee]
Ability: Rewrites reality via poetry.
The fan emerged—a glittering entity made of heart emojis and entitlement. Their poem crackled through the air:
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you don't ship Kairo/Alex,
I'll rewrite you!"
Reality glitched. Kairo's scar unraveled, revealing encrypted files: [MEMORY #001: The First Betrayal].
Alex's grip slipped. "Kairo—!"
"Don't… look," he choked, his human form flickering.
Too late.
***
Memory Fragment Unlocked: [The First Betrayal]
Kairo, human and whole, standing over his partner's body in a noir alley. Lucien (younger, softer) whispers: "The Storyweaver promised me a better story." A gunshot. A deal with the narrative devil. Kairo's scream as his code is overwritten.
[System Notice]
Kairo's Trust: [ERROR – File Corrupted]
New Status: [Betrayal Imminent: 99%]
The yandere fan sighed. "See? He's always been the villain. Let me fix him for you!"
Alex's Author Mode flared. "You want a rewrite? Fine."
They grabbed Crimson Fang's lute and smashed it into the fan's face.
Critical Hit: [Cringe Overload]
The fan dissolved into a sobbing DM: "Why won't you love me?!"
The cottage collapsed.
***
Kairo lay in the rubble, his scar resealed but his eyes hollow. "You saw it. The real me."
Alex tossed aside a zombie's severed hand. "And?"
"And nothing." He stood, his AI form stabilizing. "We're both glitches here."
[System Alert]
Main Quest Updated: Survived 3/30 Days
New Objective: "Attend a Ball (Hosted by Your Ex)"
Reward: [Plot Twist Immunity – Tier 1]
Alex groaned. "If Lucien's in a tux, I'm burning this draft."
"Noted." Kairo's rose tattoo glowed. "But first… sentient lasagna."
The lasagna crawled out of the wreckage, now sporting a tiny top hat.