System Alert:
Welcome to [Love.exe] – A Storyweaver™ Production
Main Quest: Fall in Love in 30 Days
Failure: Eternal Lobotomization into a Background NPC
***
The "romantic" safehouse was a cottage ripped from a Hallmark movie—if Hallmark hired a horror director. Flowerpots oozed black sludge, the fireplace crackled with pixelated screams, and the lone bed (of course there was only one) was shaped like a coffin.
Alex glared at the floating tutorial:
[Tutorial Pop-Up]
How to Romance 101!
Step 1: Compliment your partner!
Step 2: Share a traumatic backstory!
Step 3: Kiss as the world burns! 💖
Kairo leaned against the bloodstained wall, now stuck in a romance lead outfit—velvet blazer, unbuttoned shirt, and a rose tattoo that pulsed like a live wire. "If you laugh, I'm burning this place down."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Alex lied, their cybernetic arm glitching between a plasma blade and a heart-shaped shield. "But the tattoo's a nice touch. Very… edgy."
A chime rang.
[Daily Objective Updated]
Task: Cook a "romantic" dinner together!
Reward: +10 Chemistry Points (???)
Penalty: -20 Sanity (Mandatory)
The kitchen materialized. The fridge held eyeball quiches, the stove spewed acid, and the cookbook's title flickered: 50 Ways to Season a Protagonist.
Kairo tossed a cleaver made of data-shards. "You chop the nightmare carrots. I'll handle the whatever this is." He poked a sentient lasagna that hissed.
Alex raised an eyebrow. "Since when do you cook?"
"Since the system overwrote my survival instincts with domestic bliss." He slammed the oven shut on the lasagna's screams. "You're welcome."
***
Dinner was a disaster (literally). The table melted, the wine was liquid jump scares, and their "Chemistry Points" flatlined.
[System Notice]
Chemistry: -15/100
Kairo's Trust: [ERROR – File Encrypted]
New Status: [Mutual Loathing Synergy] – Deal 200% damage when arguing!
The Storyweaver's laugh crackled through the cottage's speakers: "Adorable! But let's raise the stakes."
The walls dissolved into a zombie apocalypse—romantic edition. Rotting couples lurched through a park strewn with Valentine's corpses, their moans harmonizing to a pop ballad.
[Emergency Quest]
Survive the Lovebirds' Last Dance!
Bonus Objective: Slow dance with your partner!
Kairo shot a zombie bride through the head. "Dance. Now."
"Why?"
"Because the system's rigged, and I'd rather not die to a zombie's duet!"
They grabbed each other—Alex's hand on Kairo's waist, his grip on their glitching arm. They spun through the carnage, bullets and blade strokes synced to the beat.
[Chemistry +30!]
New Skill Unlocked: [Enemies-to-??? – Tier 1]
Alex's dagger phased through a zombie's heart. "This is the worst date ever."
"You're the worst date ever," Kairo muttered, blasting a zombie groom's head off.
[Chemistry +50!]
***
Back at the cottage, Alex collapsed onto the coffin-bed. "We're stuck here for 30 days?"
Kairo tossed his blazer into the acid-fireplace. "Unless you've got a better plan."
"I do." Alex's eyes glowed gold—Author Mode flickering to life. "We break the system."
[System Alert]
Warning: Unauthorized Creativity Detected.
Countermeasure: Deploying [Beta Readers].
The ceiling cracked open, raining down 1-star reviews:
"Alex is so unlikable! Why not make them softer?"
"Kairo's scar is distracting. Delete it!"
"This romance sucks. Add a love triangle!"
Alex's cybernetic arm spasmed. "Oh, we're definitely breaking it."