Keifer's POV
They're all looking at me like I'm a criminal. I deserve it.
"What the hell, Keifer!" Yuri yelled, grabbing my shirt. "You hurt Jay-jay and Kit just because of your suspicions!"
I swatted his hand away. Despite everything that happened, I couldn't bring myself to show any regret—even though that's exactly what I felt.
I'm full of regrets and agony.
It took me a long time to snap out of it. A long time before I realized that my anger had consumed me again. I hurt her. I hurt the woman I love… and my friend.
What the fck is wrong with me?!*
I just told myself that I never wanted to hurt her again, but my body acted on its own. I knew she was already in pain. I noticed how she struggled to walk. She even fell down earlier on the stairs.
But I was blind to her suffering because all I cared about was my own pain. How selfish of me.
"What's wrong with you, Keifer?" Ci-N almost whispered.
I could feel his fear toward me. I looked at him and the others with a blank expression.
"Is it wrong for me to be angry?" I asked them.
"It's not wrong to be angry. But what you did was wrong! You let your temper take over again!" Yuri shouted at me.
I chuckled bitterly.
"Kit didn't kiss her."
Someone's words made me freeze.
I saw Edrix walking toward me, anger evident in his eyes, but there was concern too.
"I heard them arguing about it."
"I heard it before too! But Jay-jay already made it clear that it never happened. Kit only tried to." He explained.
Shit! I'm a fcking dim-witted idiot!*
"Are you telling me the truth?"
He shook his head slightly in disbelief. "I can't believe this. Have you really become this narrow-minded?!" He shouted.
He was obviously mad. I couldn't blame them. I humiliated Jay-jay in front of everyone just because of my jealousy and anger.
"…Of course, it's the truth! Do you really think Jay-jay would just let anyone kiss her? Use your brain!"
I almost laughed at his question. My gaze shifted to David, whose face was still swollen from my punches. If I could crush his skull, I would've done it already.
I knew Edrix was telling the truth. He never lied to me, and he had no reason to.
I slumped onto the floor, running my hands through my hair in frustration.
What is wrong with me?!
I wasn't supposed to be like this, but I felt like I was losing my mind.
I just want this to end. I want my suffering to stop. The people around me are getting dragged into my mess. I take out my stress and pressure on them.
"I think we should leave Keifer alone," Yuri told the others.
"That's probably for the best… Let's check on Kit at the hospital." Rory said.
"We should stop by the faculty office first to ask for permission." It was Calix.
They all walked away, leaving me alone.
Until two pairs of feet stopped in front of me.
"K-Keifer… I'll go check on Jay-jay first. She doesn't seem to be in good condition." Ci-N said.
I looked at him and forced a smile. "Please do… I want to know if she's alright."
"It's obvious she's not okay." Felix added. "…Keifer, I hope you really think about what you did. You can't just let your anger control you all the time."
I just nodded and watched them leave.
How can I control myself? How can I control this anger? If I let it take over, I'll only keep hurting Jay-jay.
I don't want to see her suffer. What should I do?
At times like this, there's only one person I can think of talking to. He's the only one who can clear my mind. The only one I know who can give me the answer I need.
I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.
["Keifer…"] That was the first word I heard from him.
"Can we meet? I just need someone to talk to."
["Alright. Same place."] He said before ending the call.
My mind was filled with so many thoughts.
It feels like this day will never end.
I'm sorry, Jay…
I don't apologize easily. I hate lowering myself and blaming myself.
But for Jay-jay, I'm willing to kneel. I'm willing to humble myself.
I forced myself to stand and walk out of the classroom. It felt like I was in a daze as I made my way to the parking lot.
I didn't even realize I had almost walked past my car. Thankfully, I noticed another parked car just before I bumped into it.
I got inside my car and immediately started the engine. I forced myself to focus on driving—I didn't want to get into an accident.
But I still couldn't stop myself from pressing the gas pedal harder than I should.
Before I knew it, I had already arrived at my destination.
I parked my car and noticed that the person I was supposed to meet was already here.
He got here before I did. Maybe he's already thirsty and ready for some alcohol.
I quickly got out of my car and walked inside.
Kingsground…
I remembered the first time I saw this place. It was just an empty building.
A place where people used to hold underground boxing matches. A hideout for students who skipped classes. A refuge for those who were running from the law.
I can't believe Tiger actually pursued his dream.
To have a place where everybody is free. Free to drink alcohol. Free to dance like maniacs. Free to fight until only death could stop them. Free to be whoever they wanted to be.
I thought it was all just a joke. Drunken talk between him and his friends. While Angelo and I just listened and laughed at him.
When I stepped inside, the place was almost empty.
Only the cleaning crew remained, mopping the floors and tidying up.
The disco section had just closed, so that explained the silence.
I heard a slow clap from not too far away.
I looked to see who it was.
"Look who we have here!" Tiger yelled while walking toward me.
He was wearing a black tank top and white shorts. His yellow shoes were so bright that they hurt my eyes.
"I'm looking for someone!" I said.
"I know… He's upstairs." He answered and pointed to his office.
I didn't wait for him to say anything else. I went straight up to his glass-walled office. This place was soundproof, so no noise could be heard from inside or outside. Since the walls were glass, I could clearly see the stage and disco ground below.
A great office for the owner of this place. That yellow-haired guy really knew how to plan things well.
When I opened the door, the person I came to meet was sitting with his back to me in a swivel chair, already drinking expensive brandy.
"You're late." He said and took a sip. "…or I'm too early?"
"I hurt Jay-jay."
After saying those words, his glass flew toward me. It almost hit my head, but I remained in my position.
"Dammit, Keifer! I told you to stay away from my cousin!" He shouted while pointing at me.
It had been a long time since I last saw him this angry. But the feeling was still the same. A part of me was still afraid of him.
Michael Angelo.
"What did you do to her?" He asked, trying to hold back his anger.
I stared at him for a while.
How does he do that?
How does he control his anger?
If anything, we're almost the same. He just looks scarier when he's mad.
"H-how did you do that?" I asked out of curiosity.
For a moment, I forgot why I was even here.
"What?!" He asked, confused. "I'm asking you about Jay-jay!"
I need to control my anger!
While looking at him, I hesitated to answer his question. He might kill me once he hears the truth.
"I-I…"
"Aries called me earlier. He said Jay-jay might go home because she wasn't feeling well. I texted home, but they said she hasn't arrived yet." He said. "Do you have anything to do with that?"
I lowered my head. "She's at the hospital."
Not even a second later, I felt his fist hit my face. I didn't even see how he crossed the distance between us so fast.
I collapsed to the floor, groaning in pain.
He hit me in the jaw.
Fvck his fist and punch!
"I swear I'll kill you, Keifer! What did you do that she had to be taken to the hospital?"
"n-noo…" The pain made it hard to speak.
He grabbed my shirt and lifted me up, forcing me to face him.
"Keifer… Speak now, or I will break every bone in your body." He said with authority.
His eyes were burning with rage. His threat was real because I knew he could actually do it. He could literally break every inch of my bones.
"I-I… I humiliated h-her in front… of many p-people and ignored… the fact that she was i-in… pain." I explained, struggling to catch my breath from the pain.
He let go of me, and I collapsed on the floor again. I forced myself to sit up and leaned against the glass wall. I took deep breaths, trying to recover.
"What do you mean she was in pain?" He asked, now calmer.
"I don't know what happened, but I noticed she was having trouble walking."
He took his phone from his pocket and dialed a number. He turned his back to me while waiting for someone to answer.
"Hey… It's me." He said. "Please check the CCTV records around my area. Look for a girl wearing an HVIS uniform and riding a bike." He paused for a while. "…Yes. I'm talking about my cousin Jay-jay." He paused again and looked at me. "Sure. I owe you."
He put his phone back in his pocket after ending the call and walked toward me. I stood up and brushed off my clothes. I still felt a little dizzy, but I chose to ignore it.
"Explain everything to me."
I did as he said while drinking alcohol. The same brandy he was drinking. I started from the moment I lost my temper and took out my anger on Jay-jay and Kit.
He listened carefully while sipping his drink. I expected him to get mad again after hearing the truth. I even prepared myself in case his fist landed on my face again.
But after telling him everything, he didn't say a word. He just kept sipping from his glass until it was empty.
He still wasn't saying anything, so I broke the silence.
"Aren't you going to hit me again?"
He shook his head. "One punch is enough. If this were before, I probably would've smashed your skull, but now… I can handle things without using my fists all the time."
I stared at the glass in my hand. I swirled it slightly, making the ice inside move.
"I don't know what to do anymore." I whispered.
Angelo cleared his throat. "To be honest with you, what you did might have been a good thing. You just pushed Jay-jay away from you."
Yes, I just did.
I knew he never wanted me near Jay-jay. He didn't want me getting close to her. He didn't want a repeat of what happened to him before. He didn't want the same thing to happen to us.
I'm not stupid. Even if he doesn't show it, I know he still carries his past. The past that was built by the woman who once made him whole but later shattered him.
"…You're all so stubborn." He said as he poured himself another glass of liquor. "…I just want Jay-jay to focus on her studies, but it seems like she's only becoming more rebellious." He sighed. "Maybe I should have transferred her to another Section a long time ago."
"Do you hate me that much?"
He stopped before taking another sip from his glass.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you hate me so much that you don't want me for Jay-jay?"
"I don't hate you, but I don't really like you for Jay-jay." He answered.
Even though I already knew that, I still couldn't help but feel hurt. It feels like everyone is against me.
"W-why?" My throat felt numb.
"Because you have a very complicated life. I don't want Jay-jay to get involved in the chaos of your family. Her life is already messy enough, and she doesn't need someone like you." He looked straight at me as he explained. "…And besides… I see myself in you."
Maybe he's right. I shouldn't drag Jay-jay into the mess of my family. As long as she stays close to me, Clyde and the Elders will target her.
"What should I do?" I asked, not even realizing the words had left my mouth.
His eyes were filled with authority, like a king on his throne. No one could dethrone him from his position. And just like before, his words carried undeniable power.
"Push her away from you."
Those words struck me like an arrow. I have to push her away. It's the only way to protect her from my family… from me.
But pushing her away means… hurting her.
No.
The mere image of her crying because of me was already unbearable. But I had no choice. I had no other option.
I don't think I can do it. I can't bear to be away from her. I can't lose her. I'll go insane! I won't survive it!
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I dropped to my knees as my tears fell uncontrollably. The glass slipped from my hand.
"N-no… I-I can't." I said, crying like a child.
I don't know why, but it felt like I was being shattered from the inside. I can't lose Jay-jay. I don't know what I'll do if that happens.
Everyone I've ever liked… never liked me back. I did everything to make them mine, but it was all useless because they only had eyes for Yuri. And I was left behind, unloved.
Now, for the first time, I was given a chance to love and be loved. But why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to push her away? It feels like I have no right to be happy.
I heard footsteps approaching me. I didn't bother to look.
"Look at yourself. You're weak." Angelo said. "…How can you fight for her against me if you can't even protect her from your own anger?"
I'm not strong enough.
"…Show me our differences. Prove to me that you deserve her."
I will… I will prove it to you.
I will do anything to prove it. I will fight for her, and I will never let her go. I will make myself stronger. But first, I have to protect her. From my relatives… and from myself.
I have to push her away. I need to do that.
But I need you so bad… Jay-jay.