Fifty squeaky years ago, da hoomans made us smart. But den da cats made deyself smarter.
I dunno why hoomans fink dey so smarts. Dey go, "Oh wow! Ham-hams can wave now! Squeak squeak, so cute!" an' den—BOOM, dey make everything smart! But only da lil' beasties. No woofers. No moo-moos. No big floppy-buns.
Jus' us. An' da cats.
No one 'spected da cats.
Hoomans fink cats is dumb. Dey say, "Aw, fluffy babies!" an' den fluffy babies go stab-stab-stab.
An' now? We runnin'. Cuz da stabby-fluffies found us.
Mama used to say, "Sanctuary was home." But if home go crack-BOOM in da middle of da night, den maybe home not really home.
I don' 'member da sanctuary, but Mama do. She say it was tunnels an' lights an' da Great Big Food Pile. She say hamsters lived good dere, all organized an' smart. Had a real future. Had elders an' a council an' learnin'.
But da cats had a better future.
It started slow. Mama say, at first, da food started disappearin'. Not normal disappearin', like greedy-hamsters-stealin'-extra-seeds disappearin'. It was too fast. Too smart.
Den da air got funny. Smelled wrong.
Den da tunnels started feelin' thin.
Hamsters whispered 'bout shadows in da vents. 'Bout eyes dat glowed just outside da tunnel lights. But da elders say, "No panic. We safe."
Mama didn' believe dat. Cuz safe places don' go rumble-rumble-BOOM in da middle of da night.
She woke up to a sound dat didn' sound right. Not squeaks. Not scurries. Sumthin' low. A hum, like da walls was breathin'.
Den da smell hit.
Not food smell. Bad smell. Burny smell. Bloody smell. Da smell when hoomans drop meat-stick on da hot fire-box.
Den da tunnels started screamin'.
Not hamsters. Da tunnels.
A deep, awful, groanin' sound, like da walls was holdin' dey breath too long. Mama jumped up, ears twitchin', an' dat's when da whole place started shakin'.
Rocks fell. Lights popped. Sparks danced along da ceiling. Hamsters darted every direction, squeakin' loud, but Mama didn' look back. She grabbed us, her babies, all nine—an' shoved us in da sleepy-pouch she made from old hooman cloth.
She ran.
She say she heard da council screamin' orders. Heard da elders tryin' to rally da hamsters. Sayin' da tunnels would hold. Sayin' dey could rebuild.
Mama knew better.
Cuz behind her, da tunnel walls cracked open like a big, hungry mouth.
She didn' stop runnin' when da dust turned thick. She didn' stop when da air got hot. She didn' stop when da squeaks of da others got quieter an' quieter an'…
Stopped.
She didn' stop cuz she knew.
No one was diggin' outta dat rubble.
Mama didn' stop runnin' til da air smelled like wet leaves an' old wood. She say da trees was so tall, dey poked da belly of da sky. We never seen trees before. Sanctuary was all tunnels an' lights. But here, da ground was soft an' squishy, like da insides of a ripe berry.
Mama say, "Stay close, babies. Dis place not safe." But we was curious. Our lil' noses twitched at all da new smells. Our ears perked up at da rustlin' leaves. We wanted to explore, but Mama's eyes was wide an' her whiskers trembled. So we stayed close.
Da forest was dark, even when da sun was up. Shadows danced between da trees, an' strange noises echoed around us. Mama found a hollow log an' made it our new home. She say, "Dis will keep us safe for now."
At night, we heard hoots an' howls. Mama say, "Dem's owls an' foxes. Dey eat lil' hamsters like us." We huddled together, shiverin' in fear. Mama stayed awake, watchin' over us with tired eyes.
Food was hard to find. In Sanctuary, food was always there. But here, we had to search. Mama taught us how to dig for roots an' find berries. Sometimes, we got lucky an' found seeds. Other times, our bellies rumbled as we went to sleep.
One night, while we was out foragin', we heard a rustlin' in da bushes. Mama froze, her ears twitchin'. She whispered, "Stay behind me, babies." We peeked around her to see a big, furry creature with sharp teeth an' a bushy tail. Mama called it a fox. It sniffed da air, its eyes narrowin' as it spotted us.
Mama puffed up her fur, standin' tall to make herself look bigger. She bared her teeth an' hissed, tryin' to scare da fox away. But da fox just licked its lips an' stepped closer.
Just when we thought it was da end, a loud crack echoed through da forest. Da fox yelped an' ran off, its tail between its legs. We looked around, confused an' scared. Mama hurried us back to da hollow log, her heart poundin' in her chest.
Later, we learned dat da crack was a branch fallin' from a tree. But to us, it was like da forest was protectin' us. Mama said, "Maybe dis place not so bad after all."
But at some point, she heard a voice.
Sweek, sweek! sweek!("Oh hey, a hamster! Dat weird, usually dey stay underground!")
Mama almost bite him.
Dere, in da moonlight, was Rusty.
Da first fing Mama noticed? He was big. Almost too big to be a ham-ham. But he was standin' like one, holdin' a stick in one paw, sumthin' burned in da other.
Da second fing? He smelled like dirt an' fire an' maybe a lil' like dumb.
Mama squint.
Mama: Squeak!("Who?")
Rusty: Sweeek!("Rusty! I mighty guin-guin of da wilds! I fight beasties! I find foods! I—")
Mama sniff.
Mama: Squeak!("You smell like foods.")
Rusty look down at da burned berry pile in his paws.
Rusty: Sweek!("Dis was food.")
Mama frown.
Mama: Squeak!("You no cook berries.")
Rusty puff chest.
Rusty: Sweek!("I try! I make da fire!")
Mama squint harder.
Mama: Squeak!("You dumb?")
Rusty look real proud.
Rusty: Sweeeekk!("No! I fail test! Dat different!")
Mama blink.
Mama: Squeak!("What test?")
Rusty scratch head.
Rusty: Sweek! Sweek! ("Uhhh… dunno. But hoomans say 'he fail' an' throw me in da Outside. So I win!")
Mama blink again. Real slow.
Mama: Squeak!("You lose.")
Rusty pause. Think real hard.
Rusty: Sweeek…("...Oh.")
Mama sigh.
Mama: Squeak!("You got foods?")
Rusty nod fast.
Rusty: Sweek!("YES! I got food-pile! Over dere, by da big rock! It got berries an' seeds an' uh… stuff!")
Mama didn' trust him. But she was hungry. An' Rusty was dumb but not cat dumb.
An' so dat how we met my dumb-dumb Daddy.