Forewarning: A Little Heads-Up, Lovely Ladies and Beautiful Degenerates
A lot of you already know this, but for the newcomers or those who skipped the memo...I don't like rewriting canon events.Why? Because you've already seen them. You watched the anime, you read the manga, you memorized Deku's crying ratio by heart.
So, whenever possible, I bend, twist, and rewrite the plot to hell and back without breaking the actual logic behind it.New chaos. New jokes. New disasters. That's what I'm here for.
BUT.There are times, like this Sports Festival Arc, where there's no escaping the canon chain of events without punching the entire plot in the face.
So when that happens, I cut the filler, speedrun the obvious fights, and focus on what this fanfic is actually about:Comedic chaos, dumbass dialogue, and the gremlin energy you all came for.
You don't need me to waste ten chapters re-explaining fights you already know.So I condensed them. Simplified. Streamlined. All packed into one long, stupid, hopefully hilarious chapter.
Feedback, shitposts, or complaints about me skipping Bakugo's 37th explosion—throw them at me.I appreciate all of it.
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Back in the medical tent.
Recovery Girl sighed. "I swear, you make my job harder on purpose."
I tried to shrug. My shoulder cracked.
She hit me with her cane. "Stop breaking yourself."
The brackets updated.
Quarterfinals:
Ryuu Midoriya vs. Yaoyorozu Momo
Iida Tenya vs. Kaminari Denki
Izuku Midoriya vs. Bakugo Katsuki
Kirishima Eijiro vs. Todoroki Shoto
I sat up. "Alright. Round two."
I got up, feeling like shit.
"System, I told you, you should not have given me Last Laugh. It is cheat!"
[I SAID I DO NOT GIVE THEM. I JUST DRAW! DESPITE HAVING 1 LUCK, YOU ARE A LUCKY MOTHERFUCKER!]
"Hey, keep my mother's name out of your fucking mouth!" I slapped it in my imagination.
Back in the waiting area, the brackets flashed on the screen. Quarterfinals. Next fight was mine.
Yaoyorozu looked over. "You are limping."
"I am fine."
"You are visibly struggling to stand."
"Still fine."
Iida crossed his arms. "That is not a healthy mindset."
"It is a winning mindset."
Kaminari whistled. "Dude's gonna crawl to the ring at this rate."
Bakugo scoffed. "Tch. That is what he gets for being a dumbass."
Izuku still looked like he wanted to say something. Probably some heartfelt speech about pushing limits and believing in yourself. I walked out before he could.
Midnight stood in the arena, whip in hand.
"Alright! Next match—Midoriya Ryuu versus Yaoyorozu Momo!"
Yaoyorozu stepped up. No hesitation. I could already see her mind working, piecing together a counter to whatever I tried. I had a plan too.
"Win."
Midnight cracked her whip. "Begin!"
Yaoyorozu moved first, pulling a staff from her arm.
I closed the gap before she could swing. She blocked, barely, the wood rattling in her grip.
"You are going to fight like that?" she asked, stepping back.
"Like what?" I feinted left. She didn't fall for it.
"Recklessly."
"Works so far."
She created a flashbang. I turned before it went off, but she was already shifting, pulling out a shield.
I did not slow down. She braced.
I kicked under her guard. She stumbled. I followed up. She ducked, swinging the staff to push me back.
I caught it, yanked. She let go before I could throw her off balance and jumped away, already making something new.
Smart.
"Kind of unfair, right?" I gestured to her Quirk. "Infinite weapons?"
She held up a taser. "You are free to quit."
I stepped forward. She lunged, aiming for my ribs.
I twisted. The shock grazed my side, but my fist caught her shoulder.
She winced but didn't go down.
Taser gone. Next weapon.
She pulled a net. I ducked. She tried to trap my legs.
I stomped on the edge, ripping it from her grip.
Next.
She switched to a spear.
I dodged the first thrust, then the second.
She adjusted, stepping in.
Close range. Bad idea.
I grabbed her wrist, twisted. She gasped but she stepped back before I could lock her stance.
Distance reset.
She exhaled, then her expression shifted slightly. Calculation. A new plan.
"You do not slow down, do you?"
"Not my style."
She pulled something new.
A cannon.
I stared. "Oh, come the fuck on."
She fired.
Smoke exploded outward, blinding everything.
She moved.
I heard her steps, but the sound bounced everywhere.
Smart.
I stepped back. "You still there, Yaoyao?"
Silence.
She was waiting. Calculating.
I grinned. "Alright. Let's see if this works."
I closed my eyes.
[INSTINCTIVE AWARENESS – PASSIVE.]
[WHEN SIGHT IS BLOCKED, OTHER SENSES COMPENSATE. PRECISION INCREASES.]
I moved.
A shift in the air—left.
A soft step—right.
The faintest breath—front.
I punched.
Her body jerked back from the hit.
The smoke cleared.
She stumbled, caught herself—
But I was already moving.
I grabbed her collar, twisted, and threw her out of the ring.
The buzzer went off.
Midnight raised her hand.
"Winner—Midoriya Ryuu!"
I stretched out my hand. She grabbed it. I pulled her up.
"I told you before, Yaoyao. You waste your potential. Why staff, spear, and shield when you can create chemicals, weapons, and bombs?"
She bit her lip. She knew I was right. Last time we teamed up, I told her to make a chemical to stop Todoroki's ice. She could do the same shit now. She was basically Batman but didn't need prep time.
We walked back toward the waiting area. No need to yap. Next fight started.
Iida won. Kaminari got cooked. Bakugo won. Izuku got smashed. Todoroki won. Kirishima got tossed.
Semifinals.
Semifinals:
Ryuu Midoriya vs. Iida Tenya
Katsuki Bakugo vs. Shoto Todoroki
Kaminari dropped into the seat next to me, still shaking off the zaps. "Bro, Iida's gonna run circles around you."
I shrugged. "If he runs, he cannot fight."
Mina leaned forward. "What's the plan?"
"Break his legs."
She blinked. "Holy shit."
"Metaphorically," I added. "Maybe."
Yaoyorozu crossed her arms. "You should take this seriously."
"I am."
Iida walked past, nodding at me. "Do not hold back."
"Never do."
Bakugo cracked his neck. "Tch. Just don't lose before I get to kick your ass."
"Then hurry up and win your fight, Number Four."
His eyebrow twitched. Mina covered her mouth. Kaminari wheezed. Iida pinched the bridge of his nose.
Midnight called us in. Time to go.
I stepped into the ring. Iida was already there, stretching his legs.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"Yeah. Run at me so I can hit you."
He adjusted his glasses. "I will not make this easy for you."
"Would not be fun if you did."
Midnight raised her whip. "BEGIN!"
Iida activated his engines. The roar filled the stadium. He shot forward, a blur and speed.
I barely shifted in time. His knee grazed past, fast as hell.
He pivoted, kicking off instantly. Another pass.
Faster.
I exhaled. Hitting him clean was not happening.
I needed him to stop.
He rushed again. This time, I turned at the last second and stuck out a foot.
His ankle clipped it.
His speed betrayed him.
He stumbled forward, skidding across the stage.
"Are you seriously tripping me?!"
"Worked, did it not?"
He pushed up, brushing dust off his uniform. "You will not catch me with that again."
"Do not need to."
I rushed in.
He was still getting up. By the time he braced, I was already swinging.
He blocked.
The impact forced him back. He tried to counter, but I kept pushing.
He could not use his full speed up close. He needed space.
He tried kicking off. I grabbed his shoulder and yanked him down.
His foot missed.
I slammed an elbow into his ribs.
He grunted, twisting out of my grip. His boosters flared again.
He launched backward, resetting distance.
"Smart," I said. "But now what?"
His engines revved.
He exhaled sharply. Eyes locked. No hesitation.
"Recipro Burst."
Oh.
He shot forward.
Faster than before.
No hesitation. No stumble.
His leg swung—full-force kick.
I leaned back. His foot whiffed past my face.
Close enough to feel the heat.
He twisted midair, using the momentum to spin into another strike.
I barely caught his leg, but the force carried me back.
His boosters sputtered.
I grinned. "Out of gas?"
He landed hard, breathing heavy.
The overuse was catching up. He knew it. I knew it. The crowd knew it.
He adjusted his glasses, standing straight. "I will not go down easily."
I cracked my knuckles. "Let's find out."
He tried rushing again—but the burst was weaker.
The second he stepped in, I moved first.
My fist caught his stomach.
He gasped, staggering.
I followed up.
A hook to the jaw.
His stance wobbled.
One more.
A straight to the chest.
His feet left the ground.
His back hit the stadium floor.
Buzzer.
Midnight raised her hand. "Winner—Midoriya Ryuu!
I stretched out a hand. He grabbed it. I pulled him up.
"You are fast."
He smiled. "Not fast enough."
We sat in the waiting area, watching the next match.
Todoroki moved first. Ice surged forward—sharp, thick, an immediate wall.
Bakugo dodged.
"You using fire or what?" Bakugo shouted.
Todoroki didn't answer. More ice. Colder this time.
Bakugo blasted through it. "Tch. Fine."
He rushed in, explosions firing. Todoroki blocked with another wall of ice, thicker than before.
Bakugo didn't stop. He jumped over it, twisting midair, palm sparking. His fist shot forward.
Todoroki countered—more ice. But not enough.
Bakugo's blast slammed into him. Todoroki skidded, boots scraping against frozen ground.
He braced. Another wave of frost.
Bakugo tore through it. Another explosion. Another dodge. He kept pressing forward.
Todoroki's ice was slower now. Less power.
Bakugo grinned. "You holding back?"
Todoroki tensed.
Bakugo saw it. He shot forward, grabbing Todoroki's collar.
"Use your fire, or lose."
Todoroki's breath hitched.
Bakugo pulled him forward, sparks crackling. "USE IT!"
A flicker. A moment of hesitation. Fire sparked.
Then—BOOM.
Todoroki shoved Bakugo back with a burst of heat. The ice melted instantly. The arena steamed.
Bakugo laughed. "THERE IT IS!"
Todoroki clenched his fists. "Shut up."
Bakugo launched forward. Todoroki didn't flinch. Flames erupted, cutting across the stage.
Bakugo dodged, weaving through the fire. Explosions launched him around the flames. Faster. Closer.
Ice shattered under the heat. The stadium roared.
Todoroki looked pissed. "You want fire?"
Flames roared, swallowing the ice instantly. The air warped from the heat. "Then burn!"
Bakugo grinned, blasting through the fire like it was nothing. "About time!"
He shot forward.
Todoroki didn't back off. He swung his arm—fire cut across the stadium, a wave of raw heat.
Bakugo spun, explosions flaring at his heels. He vaulted over the fire, shooting higher. Twisting midair.
"Howitzer Impact!"
Todoroki moved. He planted his foot—ice shot out, racing up, thick and fast.
Bakugo's explosion hit.
The ice shattered.
Steam exploded outward, swallowing the arena in a white cloud.
The crowd roared.
Bakugo hit the ground hard. Skidding. Rolling. He growled, pushing himself up—
Todoroki was already moving.
Fire cut through the smoke.
Bakugo barely dodged, rolling to the side.
"You're late to the fight," Bakugo spat, teeth bared. "Should've done this from the start."
Todoroki didn't respond.
He raised his hand. Fire and ice spiraled together.
Bakugo gritted his teeth. His explosions weren't closing the distance fast enough.
The moment he slowed, he was cooked.
"Enough of this shit."
He forced himself higher. Twisting in the air.
Todoroki watched. Waiting.
Bakugo flipped, using every bit of stored sweat left in his palms. "Die, bastard!"
He slammed his palms together. A shockwave blasted downward.
Todoroki didn't move.
He raised his hand.
Fire surged. Ice climbed.
The explosion hit.
The stage cracked.
Fire burst through, swallowing the impact.
Ice followed, climbing up like vines.
Bakugo crashed down.
The buzzer rang.
Midnight's voice cut through the stadium.
"Winner—Todoroki Shoto!"
The crowd erupted.
Todoroki exhaled, lowering his arm. Bakugo lay flat, smoke rising from his skin. His fingers twitched. His hand clenched.
Todoroki glanced down. "We're done."
Bakugo growled but didn't get up. He knew.
Medics rushed in. Todoroki stepped off the stage without looking back.
I leaned back in my seat. "Damn."
Mina whistled. "He really pulled it off."
Kaminari scratched his head. "Man, Bakugo's gonna be pissed for weeks."
Iida adjusted his glasses. "It was a hard-fought battle."
Jiro side-eyed him. "You sound like a sports commentator."
Bakugo sat up, looking like he wanted to kill someone. The medics held him back before he could start something.
I stood. "Alright. Finals."
Midnight stepped up. "Final match—Midoriya Ryuu versus Todoroki Shoto!"
Todoroki didn't look at me. He just walked to the stage.
The crowd rumbled. Cheers, shouts, murmurs of excitement.
["CROWD FAVORITE" (PASSIVE SKILL) ACTIVE!]
[The bigger the audience, the bigger the show.]
[When performing in front of a crowd, all stats increase in proportion to the number of spectators.]
[More cheers? More buffs. More boos? Even bigger buffs.]
[Grandstanding, taunts, and dramatic flair amplify the effects—the louder the reaction, the stronger you get.]
I rolled my shoulders. Right. Let's give them a show.
Midnight cracked her whip. "Begin!"
I raised my hands. "Hey. I got you. You don't have to use your fire to become a great hero. You can be the number one hero with ice only. I believe in you."
Todoroki deadpanned.
"Just saying. To be honest, you should not use either. Let us have a manly fight. What do you say?"
He hurled fire at me.
Fucker.
I kicked off the ground, dodging as flames scorched the arena floor. The heatwave hit a second later. I barely caught myself before stepping out of bounds.
A massive heatwave rolled across the arena. The front rows gasped, shielding their faces from the sheer intensity.
The crowd reaction hit like a surge of energy.
I barely caught myself before stepping out of bounds. "That is a no, huh?"
He did not respond. More fire.
I weaved through, closing the distance. He backed up, switching to ice. A wave of frost shot forward.
I jumped, rolling over it. He followed up—another flame burst. I ducked, pushing forward.
His hand flicked. Another ice sheet—this time covering the floor.
I landed on it, feet sliding.
Todoroki lunged, aiming to push me out while I was off balance.
I caught his arm and yanked. He twisted midair, breaking free before I could toss him.
We reset.
"You were all dramatic about not using fire earlier," I said. "What happened?"
He exhaled. "I changed my mind."
"Wow. Such character growth."
The audience chuckled at that.
Somewhere in the stands, someone shouted, "GET HIS ASS, RYUU!"
Todoroki hurled another fire blast.
Fire roared.
No hesitation now.
I feinted left. He reacted, ice flaring up in that direction. I cut right instead, slipping past his guard.
He barely brought his arm up before my elbow slammed into his ribs.
He stumbled back. I followed up.
He caught my wrist. I swung my other fist. He ducked, twisting my arm to throw me off balance.
I went with it. Used the momentum—brought my leg up. My knee clipped his chin.
His grip loosened. I yanked free and stepped back.
He rubbed his jaw.
"Thought you were supposed to be a genius fighter," I said. "Why are you letting me hit you?"
His eyes flicked to me. "Not letting you."
"Could have fooled me."
Ice spread again, creeping toward me.
I stomped on the ground, shattering it before it could reach.
Todoroki raised his hand, fire flickering.
He hesitated. I saw it. The second of doubt before he committed.
I took advantage.
I lunged.
He reacted too late.
My fist connected with his stomach. His breath hitched.
I followed with a hook to the side.
He tried to block. I twisted—brought my other arm down on his shoulder.
His knee came up. I shifted, barely avoiding the strike.
He grabbed my collar and pulled.
I countered. Locked his arm—threw him over my hip.
He hit the ground but kicked off, flipping back to his feet.
"Nice," I said.
He didn't respond.
Fire burned in his palm. The hesitation was gone.
"Alright then," I muttered.
He thrust his arm forward. Fire erupted.
Mixing with the lingering frost.
Steam burst out, covering the arena.
My vision blurred.
I moved anyway.
Todoroki's silhouette flickered in the mist.
I rushed toward it.
His fire flared.
I felt the heat before I saw it.
I ducked, feeling the scorch pass overhead.
My foot slid on the damp floor. I adjusted, pushing forward.
Todoroki moved back, trying to maintain distance.
I didn't let him.
I grabbed his wrist, yanking him toward me.
He countered—short burst of ice.
Forced me to release him.
I twisted, kicking out.
He blocked.
Skidded back from the impact.
The steam started to clear.
No point dragging this out.
I rushed in.
He flared fire to keep me back.
The crowd was on their feet.
Cheering. Shouting. Chanting.
I felt it. The raw energy rolling off thousands of people screaming my name.
I kept moving through it, ignoring the heat.
He switched to ice.
I shattered it with my fists.
He froze the ground.
I stomped—broke through.
He shot a direct blast.
I caught his wrist.
He tried to twist free.
I slammed my forehead into his.
The crowd exploded.
BOOS. CHEERS.
Everyone screaming, everyone reacting.
His grip loosened.
I grabbed his collar.
Twisted.
And threw him out of bounds.
The buzzer went off.
Midnight's voice cut through the stadium.
"Winner—Midoriya Ryuu!"
The stadium erupted.
BOOMING cheers. Grumbles. Some pissed that Todoroki lost. Others hyped that I won.
I smirked, shaking out my hands. Damn. That boost was real.
The final match. The final moment.
Hell of a way to end the festival.
Final Gains:
✔ Total XP: +1425 XP
✔ Stat Boosts:
Strength +4
Agility +4
Dexterity +1
Intelligence +2
Charisma +3
Awareness +1
✔ Titles Unlocked:
Unrivaled (Combat perception and reaction speed buff against multiple opponents)
The Shit-Talker Supreme (Intimidation effect on weaker-willed opponents, buff against taunts)
✔ Skills Unlocked:
Rage Bait Passive (Enemies become reckless when provoked, increasing mistakes)
Relentless Survivor (Survive lethal damage once per fight, gain Last Laugh's boost without using the skill)
Tenacity (Reduces penalties from exhaustion and injury, but increases recovery penalties later)
Instinctive Awareness (Boosts other senses when sight is blocked)
--
cue Kira Voice
"I knew they wouldn't vote.Which is why I already wrote their names into the plot twist."
Kaminari clutches his chest"Wh…what is this feeling?!""It's guilt.And it's terminal."
Only one way to break the curse:Drop.A.Power.Stone.
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