After finishing a morning bath, getting dressed, and eating breakfast, I spent some time alone in the lobby, reading the newspaper. Misago had stepped out for a bit, saying she needed to make some preparations.
"Is there any work for me?"
I directed my question at Yata-chan, who was casually sipping tea beside me, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"If there's work for you, it'd be either as a bathhouse assistant, a night caller, or a mascot for mixed bathing advertisements," she replied.
I blinked in surprise and looked at Yata-chan. She met my gaze and smirked.
"If you include breeding services, you'd be quite popular, you know?"
I was at a loss for words. This was definitely a moment where I should be questioning everything.
"By the way, if we're talking about official work, it's usually government-related. Just remember, the official story should always be that two people met in a mixed bath, fell in love at first sight, and things naturally escalated into a romantic night together."
"Do we really need to keep up appearances?"
I finally managed to find my voice. This was starting to sound like a high-end soapland.
"There's a law in place that technically bans prostitution, stating that men shouldn't be financially burdened. It's such a complicated world we live in," Yata-chan sighed, taking on the role of an experienced madam.
"As for payment, you can accept it as a tip, or even as an upfront fee."
"If it's paid directly, there won't be any receipts left… dodging taxes, huh?"
"Exactly. It's quite the deal, isn't it?"
"This is completely shady!"
I couldn't help but interject. The tax office would have a field day with this.
"By the way, what's the going rate?"
I was curious now.
"Our inn usually charges 20,000 yen for a one-night stay with two meals included. But if you just wander around like this, it'd go up to 100,000 yen per night, and we'd probably have reservations booked years in advance."
"Isn't that overestimating my value?"
"If anything, that's a bargain price."
"And how many people would be staying here?"
Because if this became a thing, I obviously wouldn't be able to service everyone.
"Only those who are lucky enough. Think of it like a lottery."
"Isn't charging 100,000 yen just for the chance a bit excessive? And does night crawling really have that much value?"
"It's like a dinner show ticket. Everyone gets the mixed bath and back-washing service, but sometimes, there's a lucky night crawling bonus. And occasionally, there's a jackpot prize."
"Jackpot?"
"Pregnancy, of course."
She said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. The sheer difference in values stunned me. My mind briefly wandered to certain radical feminists who treated pregnancy and childbirth like a punishment. Their influence was stronger than I thought.
"If it happens, it happens. It's only natural," Yata-chan nodded confidently.
"Well… yeah, I guess?"
My mind flashed to a certain manga trope where the protagonist gets a heroine pregnant in one go, leading to a forced marriage ending. Back then, readers used to comment, 'If you do it, it happens.'
"Most women would be happy if it actually worked, you know? Just look at how eager Misago was yesterday."
"She was really enthusiastic… but isn't there another reason for that?"
"If you bonded with her, even a little, you wouldn't just up and leave, would you?"
She said it so naturally, like it was the most obvious thing. No malice, just pure logic.
"That's the whole reason?"
"That's the ultimate goal, isn't it? Misago was insecure about being inexperienced, so the best way to give her confidence was to change that. At the same time, we want to keep you here. If you were both each other's firsts, you'd naturally feel a connection, right?"
"Well… I suppose that makes sense."
"As a man, wouldn't you find a woman asking you to impregnate her adorable?"
"Uh… well…"
At this point, everything seemed like it was orchestrated by Yata-chan.
"Just so you know, I didn't set this up. The entire world works this way. It was pure chance that you met Misago, and that I was here. No matter where you went, you would've been welcomed the same way."
Now that she mentioned it, Misago had told me that from the very beginning.
"I didn't realize what she meant at the time… I was still half-asleep when all this started."
"It's just fate. She's cute, isn't she?"
"Well… yeah, she is."
I hesitated for a second but ultimately admitted it. There was no point in denying it anymore. Yata-chan nodded in satisfaction. She might be biased since they were family, but she seemed pleased.
"Then it's fine for Misago to be your official wife, right?"
She pulled out a piece of paper and slid it across the table.
I looked down.
It was a marriage certificate.
The bride's name was already filled in: Misago Umino.
"For the record, Misago wrote that herself."
The guardian's section had Yata Umino's name on it. So they really were related. The handwriting was different, too, confirming it.
"Isn't this moving a little too fast?"
Getting married the day after meeting felt like a record-breaking shotgun wedding.
"The sooner, the better, right?"
"Aaaaaaaahhh! Grandma Yata, what are you doing?!"
A shriek rang out as Misago stormed in.
Wait. Grandma?
I just found out an earth-shattering truth. So she's actually a loli granny…?
For some reason, it made perfect sense. I just decided to roll with it.
"I thought it'd be best to have the paperwork ready in advance."
"You can't just decide that on your own…!"
As the two argued, I exhaled and let out a small chuckle before picking up the pen.
I signed my name: Hisui Umino.
"Aaaaaaaahhh!"
Misago let out another shriek.
Tears welled up in her eyes, though it wasn't clear if she was crying from joy or sheer shock.
Meanwhile, Yata-chan laughed heartily, and Misago was soon swarmed by the inn's staff, who congratulated her enthusiastically.
Author's note :
By the way, in real life, the tax situation for high-end escorts is pretty murky. Since everything is done through private verbal agreements with no receipts, it's hard to track, and workers often change locations every few months, making enforcement difficult.