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The stage lights stayed bright. After the applause faded, the skit continued right on.
Mia asked curiously, "So how many people are in your company?"
Kyle answered proudly, "Over a hundred!"
Mia looked surprised, "Over a hundred thieves?"
Kyle looked even prouder. "Not all of them are thieves. The real ones out there putting in the work on the front lines—just the two of us."
Mia scratched her head. "So what about the rest of them?"
Kyle curled his lip. "All management."
Mia's eyes went wide. "Wait, even a thieves' company has leadership?"
Kyle puffed out his chest and struck a pose. "Hey, what're you saying! A train doesn't go fast without the engine. Leaders take the lead, then thieves get motivated. No leaders? Then your thieves won't steal well—it's either they don't steal enough or they just can't run fast enough!"
"Daaamn! Hahaha, the way he talks is so slick!"
"Not stealing enough or can't run away—yo, this guy really goes hard flattering the bosses!"
"Leaders taking the lead—what, leading the stealing?! Hahaha! This dude has no chill!"
The audience roared with laughter, practically rolling in their seats. The way this skit was poking fun at bureaucracy was fearless and sharp.
Even one of the judges, Nick, was laughing so hard his face wrinkled up.
He didn't expect Kyle and Mia to be this bold. Not only did they dare to touch this kind of subject, they even went deep with it!
Lily, another judge, was covering her face with both hands, her shoulders shaking from trying not to laugh.
Meanwhile, Matt's face was turning blue. He was thinking:
"Kyle, you've got some serious nerve, saying that kind of stuff about officials! Alright, if you actually manage to move to the next round, I'll write my own last name upside down!"
Outside the venue, people watching the livestream were howling too.
Kyle's lines hit way too close to home—everyone working office jobs had heard that kind of corporate-speak a million times.
Every field, every industry—obeying your leaders and sucking up to them is the norm!
"This totally sounds like Miller from Group 2. Just a deputy team lead and already full of official lingo. You'd think he's some big-shot!"
"Man, right?! All day it's meetings, but when things go wrong, then suddenly he's 'the leader in charge'!"
These jokes were sparking all kinds of discussion.
Back on stage, Kyle and Mia were still going strong.
Mia clapped and said, "That's actually so true! So what kind of management do you have?"
Kyle grinned. "Oh, we've got loads. One general manager and forty-eight vice managers."
Mia grabbed his arm. "Forty-eight vice managers?!"
Kyle nodded. "Yep! Each one in charge of a different department."
Mia leaned in, curious. "Like what departments?"
Kyle started counting on his fingers: "We've got admin, business, HR, publicity, logistics, and even... family planning."
Mia blinked. The more she heard, the weirder it got. She interrupted, "Hold up, hold up—why would a thieves' company need family planning?!"
Kyle replied seriously, "Hey now! It's all part of the national plan. We thieves aren't exempt!"
"If everyone else sticks to the plan but thieves just keep having kids—big thieves raising little thieves, little thieves raising baby thieves—thieves would multiply like crazy! Good people would be outnumbered! Who are we gonna steal from then?!"
"HAHAHA, this thieves' company is actually thinking long-term! They're even managing population control!"
"He's not wrong though! Birth rates are dropping every year, and here you are, thieves having second and third kids—pretty soon there'll be no rich people left to steal from!"
"Damn! These two are really going after the system. They roasted everything! I'm a fan now!"
The applause was thunderous, and even people watching on their phones were laughing their faces off.
"More thieves, fewer good people—man, I'm losing it!"
"No, no—more rich people being born, fewer workers! Now that's why there's no one left to steal from!"
"Even these 'vampire thieves' know what's going on. And we're still acting like we don't? Haha... sob…"
"Shhh! Don't go exposing the truth like that!"
Down at the judges' table, Nick was laughing so hard he was slapping the desk.
Lily was hunched over, holding her stomach, trying not to ruin her makeup with tears.
Only Matt sat there with a frosty look.
To him, Kyle and Mia had already crossed the line. They were wild and reckless!
A thieves' company with an entire organizational structure like this? They were obviously mocking real government agencies!
He was fuming: They're slandering! You hear that? Slandering!
But the crowd's enthusiasm only made Kyle and Mia go harder.
Mia smacked her lips and said, "So you guys are just trying to keep the ecosystem in balance, huh?"
Kyle stood tall with his hands behind his back, acting all statesmanlike. "Of course. And that's just the permanent departments. When we've got a special task, we also set up temporary ones."
Mia leaned in. "Like what kind of temporary departments?"
Kyle, sounding like an old employee giving a company tour, explained: "Oh, lots of them! Like for Chinese New Year, we set up the Spring Theft Office."
Mia blinked in confusion. "Wait… what? Spring Theft Office?"
Kyle tapped the air with his finger. "Yeah! During Spring Festival, it's all about targeted theft operations. Hence: Spring! Theft! Office!"
"HAHAHAHA! Targeted theft during holidays—someone hearing this might think it's real!"
"That sounds exactly like those departments that spend the budget before year-end. They're out here 'stealing' too—just legally."
"Yeah, finance always burns through the budget at the end of the year—this skit is really going in hard!"
Some people couldn't stop laughing. Others couldn't even laugh anymore—because it hit too close to reality.
This was satire, and satire always has a target.
Audiences in front of TVs were cracking up. What started as a chuckle turned into a deeper realization.
"Guarding against thieves outside is easy—it's the ones inside you gotta watch." The slogans are loud, but behind the scenes, people are still pocketing stuff like it's nothing.
Not just government offices—even the workplace and schools had the same nonsense going on.
Nick saw it too. This joke wasn't just funny—it had staying power.
It was self-deprecating, sharp satire. The kind of comedy that sticks with people. After they stop laughing, it lingers in the back of their minds. Next time they hear someone spouting official lingo, this bit will pop up. That's the kind of line that becomes legendary.
That's top-tier comedy—satire that exposes the absurd truths of reality.
Lily thought the whole skit was super tightly written too. One bit flowed right into the next. And oddly enough, the thieves' company actually did seem to have a logical structure.
That's what made it hilarious—it sounded reasonable. Too reasonable!
And that made the punchline even better.
But Matt? He was breathing heavily through his nose, practically steaming.
In his head, Kyle and Mia were already canceled.
This "thieves' company" structure? It was clearly aimed at real institutions!
He growled internally: He's making fun of me! Slandering me!
Did you hear that?! They're slandering us!!!
As the laughter finally began to settle, the performance continued.
Mia muttered awkwardly, "It's hard to guard against your own people…"
Kyle nodded and counted on his fingers again. "Exactly. And those are just the regular departments. When there's a big campaign, we gotta set up all kinds of temporary units."
Mia leaned over and asked, "Like what kind?"
Kyle, with the seriousness of a seasoned vet, replied, "Oh tons. Like for Spring Festival—you need the Spring Theft Task Force."
Mia blinked. "Spring Theft... what now?"
Kyle pointed his finger, one word at a time: "Spring. Theft. Office. Special ops for New Year thefts!"
"HAHAHA, New Year raids! Sounds so real!"
"Why does this sound just like how departments rush to spend budgets at the end of the year?"
"Spring Festival theft, year-end budget blowouts—it all tracks!"
Some folks were dying laughing. Others couldn't even bring themselves to smile.
Because when comedy gets too real—it stops being just a joke.
"....."