Is this death?
Am I in oblivion?
But I can still think.
Don't tell me I have to exist for the rest of reality as a sentient formless soul.
I feel like that would get boring really quickly.
The room is somewhat dim, only lit by the warm, caustic light.
And what is that slurping noise? Is someone sucking on a popsicle?
Is this a dream?
My head hurts; it hasn't hurt this badly since I had a migraine as a kid, but for some reason, my lower half feels good.
"Don't die on me! I promise to save you!"
Whose voice is that?
Save me?
Wait...
That's right, I was shot.
Does that mean I'm dead?
Am I in heaven?
It certainly feels that way.
But as my eyes adjust to the darkness, there are no pearly gates; the only pearls I see are a pair of bouncing earrings. Looking down with a groan, there is a pink-haired woman moving her head up and down.
"Wha- where?..."
"Uhmf!" The woman's eyes dart up as they widen. "Youf awafe!"
"I am... and, what exactly are you doing?"
Wiping away the saliva from her lips, she gives me a thumbs up. "I heard CPR is the best way to revive the dead."
Is this girl a necrophiliac?
"Well, you're blowing into the wrong hole."
She tilts her head. "But CPR stands for cock pumping regulation; unless boys have a second one tucked away somewhere else?"
"How do you even come up with that?!"
"Well, I'm just glad that it worked."
"I want to disagree, but I am somehow alive."
Pushing myself up, I scratch my head. "How did I even get here?"
Her pearl earrings sway as she tilts her head up. "Well, the police apprehended the crazy bank robber guy, then the paramedics checked you over and said you looked fine."
"I- They did? No bullet wound or bleeding arteries?"
"They were confused as well."
She sits there on her knees, with an innocent smile. I fail to avert my eyes from the saliva stains between her chest cutout of her white turtleneck.
"That still doesn't explain why we're in my room."
"Well, they asked if we knew each other, so I kinda...lied." With a wink, she bonks her head. "You said you owned an apartment here, so I asked the front desk and she directed me here."
"She told you where I live? That doesn't seem safe nor legally sound."
"She also gave me these." She holds up a pack of condoms. "I'm not sure how this will help with the CPR though."
"We're a little beyond the point of CPR."
"Then I brought you here."
"I see... and the... room service?"
"Well, I don't want to sound like a hippie, but I didn't trust the doctor's assessment!" Clenching her fist, her blue eyes glisten. "So, I decided to take matters into my own hands!"
Literally.
"That's very... diligent of you. So, thank you, I guess?"
"I was signed up for a course, but I ended up skipping the class because there was a discount at the grocery store for bacon, but then I went to the wrong store and ended up in a hardware store, and they said they didn't have bacon, so then I-."
"Alright, land the plane."
"Oh, all I'm trying to say is, I've never done it before, and kinda made a mess."
"I can tell, for starters, I think you're supposed to do CPR mouth to mouth."
She jolts back, covering her face. "What?! That would be way too embarrassing?! And what would that even accomplish?"
"Certainly more than whatever you're doing.
Not that CPR would do much against a gunshot wound in the first place."
"There's no need to worry! Trust me, I know what I'm doing, I'm a trained professional!"
She states this with an impressive amount of confidence as she gets right back to it.
I can't tell if she's horny or just got the brains of a pebble.
"Right... well then, doctor, I'd like to see some ID."
Without losing her rhythm she continues sucking as she reaches into her pocket and hands me a drivers license.
"Your name is Cafune? Let's see, and you were born... what the hell?! You're old enough to be my mom?!"
"Welph thafs nof a nife fing to fay to a lafy."
"Can you at least take it out when you talk to me?!"
With a suctioning pop, she takes it out. Picking herself up, a line of saliva trails from her mouth.
"You don't look very pleased. Was I not doing it properly? Is it because of the mess?"
"No, it's not that, more that I'm afraid I would be the one making a mess. Now, I appreciate you doing... whatever that was. But it's late, so let me take you home."
She suddenly looks guilty as she plays with her hair. "Well, the thing is, I was at the bank to withdraw my last 100$ when he robbed it and then took me hostage... And you know the rest. So I don't really have anywhere to stay tonight.
"You... don't have an apartment?"
"Nope." Her eyes dart around as she awkwardly fiddles. "So... I was wondering if I could stay here."
I can already see where this is going.
"But... I don't have a way to pay you..."
Yep, called it.
She begins blushing, looking around, and she sways back and forth as she points her fingers together. "But... there is one way I could pay you..."
Here it comes.
She lunges forward, grabbing my shoulders. "I have an interview tomorrow morning, and once I get a job, I can pay you back pronto!"
...huh.
Every cliche just betrayed me.
Well, after that whole fiasco, I'm not really sure how I currently feel about my existence, and if it helps her, I guess it's fine. "Sure, I'll take the couch, you make yourself at home."
With groggy eyes, I begin to make my way towards the living room. "Feel free to use whatever's here."
She grabs my hand. "I can't do that to you! This is your house!"
"Alright... then you take the couch."
"Ehhh... I feel like that would be uncomfortable."
(-_-) I just want to go to bed. "Alright, Goldilocks, what do you propose we do then?"
"Sleep in the same bed!"
"I know we've crossed the line of courtesy, but doesn't that seem a bit blasphemous for the sake of your husband?"
"Husband? I'm not married."
"Boyfriend?"
She shakes her head.
"Body pillow?"
"Uh...no?"
I don't judge. "Girlfriend?"
"Why would I sleep with another girl? Like a slumber party?"
It's like talking to a fence. "Whatever, do that which you desire and just work around me and my sleepiness."
"Yes, sir!" Despite being older than me, she salutes for some reason.
As she runs off to the shower, I make my way towards the bedroom. It lies on the second-floor loft, overlooking the kitchen and pool.
The angled windows tilt toward the sky, making the stars seem just within reach, their faint shimmer reflecting off the sleek surfaces of the penthouse.
Underneath it is a plush, beneath the elevated bed, an inviting sunken couch plush, a nest of pillows and blankets promising comfort. A large, stuffed whale rests against the cushions.
Beyond the tilted windows, the city pulses with distant lights, a river of gold threading through the darkened streets. The faint outline of inferior skyscrapers stretches toward the heavens, their silhouettes softened by the misty haze of the night.
It really is a nice place, I wonder how the other rooms on this floor look, even if they're not as nice as this, I could make a fortune renting them out.
That's tomorrow me's business venture.
Despite having just been unconscious for however long I was out, my eyes start to close on their own.
I guess getting shot really drains you of energy.
"It seems strange, but I never did ask what the name of my savior was."
"My name is Graves. Now, could you try and be a little more-" My tired eyes widen. "What the hell are you wearing?!"
Cafune stands before me with a shirt that fails to contain her venturous chest and redundant briefs that are a little too brief.
"Oh, sorry, I should have asked before I borrowed your clothes."
"That's... not really the issue here-"
She jumps onto the bed and hugs the blankets. "This bed looks so cozy!" Rubbing her face against the fur blankets, Cafune squeals. "I might end up oversleeping and miss my interview just for 5 more minutes in this bed!"
"No, then how are you going to pay your rent?"
She smirks, crawling towards me. "Well, I just thought of another way I could pay you back."
I revoke my previous statement, cliches, don't fail me now!
Now that the confusion of dying has died down, I'm actually feeling flustered. Barley catching my words, I gulp. "Uh... is that right? And what would that be?"
She smirks as her large breasts press against me, her voice has become a whisper. "It would be hard... likely take a lot of sweat, and it would take a lot longer to pay you back." She smirks.
"I mean if-"
"I saw an opening for a convince store clerk!"
(v_v) huh...