A/N (battle cats is peak, you should play it. not sponsored. btw)
In the corner of a dimly lit bedroom, where the walls were covered in posters of various anime, games, and "stuff". A lone girl sat on the edge of her bed. Shoulder-length black hair framed her face, her eyes narrowed in intense focus as she stared at the screen of her phone. The blinds were shut tight, save for a sliver of golden light from the setting sun slipping through.
This girl was me, it was currently summer break, and I was just going into my 2nd year of high school. After at least hmm... 10 weeks of rest. But enough of my situation, it was gambling time.
On my screen, a small golden, cat-eared capsule bobbed up and down, its tiny face staring back at her. mocking me, in my eyes.
I closed my eyes and prayed, "This... this is the last one... Please Give Me Kasli... OR any Uber. PLEAAASE"
After a small breath, she repeatedly pressed the capsule impaction as it was slowly opened by a claw.
The capsule cracked open, light bursting from within, then faded. The silhouette of a unit emerged. My breath hitched. Was this it?
The light fully cleared, revealing…
._.
Archer Cat.
The single worst unit in the entire game.
Silence.
Then
"Hehehahahahahah. AAAAAGH! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MEEEEEE?!"
I collapsed backward onto my bed, grabbed my pillow, and screamed into it. Then, with all the force of a rage-fueled gamer, I threw it across the room before slamming my face into the mattress. My fists hit the bed repeatedly in frustration.
This game was actual garbage. OVER 100 PULLS, IN FUCKING UBER FEST. What is the double Uber rate a lie? what the fuck is this BULLLLSHIT.
I stood up and started raging as hard as I could.
And before long, I... well... let's just say repeatedly smacking my head against the wall might not have been the best idea.
Now with a mild headache (and maybe? a small concussion), all my energy was completely drained, leaving me slumped in place, utterly defeated.
(shinji style)
The thought of never touching a gacha game again was suddenly… really tempting.
"...fuck it... KFC fixes all wounds, right?"
I got up and dragged myself out of the building, trudging down the street with all the enthusiasm of a dead fish.
"Man, this sucks… Haaah. Well, at least senior year is almost over. Exams are done, so all I gotta do is wait. Ugh. At least it can't get any worse. I'll just grab some food and maybe hop on a game with Tyler later… Though, knowing him, he's probably grounded. Fuck. My plans are not panning out great. Well, whatever, it can't get any worse-"
fate really said fuck you huh?
Because the second I said that, a massive car barreled through a puddle, sending a tidal wave of muddy-ass water straight at me.
I stood there, dripping, inhaled deeply—
"*Breathe in* *breathe out* murder... isn't an option... IT ISN'T. *BREATH IN* *BREATH OUT* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
---
Anyway. After that tiny, tiny, itty-bittyminor inconvenience, I finally made it to KFC, still soaked, still pissed, and so beyond giving a fuck.
So, naturally, I walked up to the counter, looked the dead-eyed employee straight in the face, and ordered a bucket of boneless chicken.
Yes. A motherfucking bucketfilled with boneless chicken. Easily over twenty pieces.
The cashier, who looked one bad customer away from dousing the place in oil and lighting it up, especially pouring most of the oil on the customer. The only thing stopping her from snapping was probably the law… and the knowledge that prison was only slightly worse than this job.
After finishing my order, I took my seat and waited.
And waited.
waited
Waiting
Some more waiting.
Even more waiting.
Wtf is going on in the back?
Even more waiting.
Is that smoke?
even more waiting. Then, finally,
it was finished, and I had my chicken and my Sprite. All was good.
I reached out to take a bite, but.
At that exact moment, the doors to the KFC slammed open.
"EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING GROUND!"
A hulking man with a Glock stormed in, firing a bullet up into the air for no reason other than to intimidate (or maybe just show off, I dunno). Whatever the reason, he was there, and he wanted to rob a Kentucky Fried Chicken.
(Why not Burger King? Nobody goes there anyway.)
As the gunshot echoed through the restaurant, I looked up from my food. My brain processed the scene: Oh shit. But then, I realized something… I didn't care.
"You know what? Fuck it."
Taking a sip out of my Sprite.
Why didn't I panic or run? Why didn't I hide? Simple. There was no way I was getting shot. Why the hell would a robber shoot a high schooler?
Right?
(…Yeaaaaaaaah, I'm foreshadowing. she gone die today)
The robber, still holding the gun like he was auditioning for a bad action movie, pointed it straight at the cashier - a depressed looking goth? girl - and screamed, "GIVE ME ALL THE FUCKING MONEY OR I WILL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!"
She froze for a second, fear briefly flashing across her face, but that quickly faded. I think she realized - that she too, could also not give a flying fuck about this situation.
"Okay, geez. I'll get you the money. No need to be a bitch about it."
She yawned and casually grabbed the stacks of cash from the register, plopping them in front of the robber. A nice, solid $151.
For a regular person, that's a decent chunk of change. You could buy a solid meal for a week or… 30 Big Macs. But for the chicken bandit, it wasn't enough.
"HEY, THIS IS FUCKING NOTHING!" the robber yelled, his face contorting in frustration. "GET ME THE REAL CASH!"
The cashier - still dead inside - raised an eyebrow.
"Huh. What the fuck did you expect? It's a KFC. Maybe rob a bank next time. It'll probably have some money."
Her totally unbothered response ticked off the robber. I mean, when I say "ticked off," I mean he lost his shit.
and I was there, slurping my spicy lemon water like I wasn't in the middle of a gun point robbing, instead it felt like a stage play.
"Fine. IF YOU WON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, THEN HOW ABOUT I DO THIS?!"
The robber lifted the gun, clearly aiming at someone to make his point. The cashier, realizing exactly what was about to happen, paled instantly. She didn't want to die over KFC.
"H-hold on, wa-..."
But before she could finish her panicked plea, a deafening bang rang through the air, echoing throughout the KFC.
As if she'd just witnessed the absolute stupidest thing in the universe unfold right in front of her. The confusion was palpable, then it morphed into something almost like disbelief.
And then
She snorted.
Because, y'know, she wasn't the one who got shot. So, of course, humor was the right response, anyway.
Can you guess who was shot? hmmm?👂 yep, thaaaaaat's right. MY FUCKING ASS was shot. Well done. 👏👏👏 gold star👏👏👏 For you👏👏👏
"Wow," the cashier's deadpan voice cut through the stunned silence, thick with sarcasm so sharp it could've won an award… twice over. "You sure showed me by shooting this random high schooler."
I reached a trembling hand up to my chest.
With a trembling hand, I reached up, fingertips brushing against the warm, wet mess of blood. There was no padding (flat as fuck) to cushion the impact. So the bullet tore straight through me, piercing my breathing organ, and exiting out the other side.
A sharp, wet cough forced its way out of my throat
COUGH
And with it, a mountain of blood splattered onto the table. My vision swam, my body drained of all strength in an instant. My limbs went numb as I slid down the bench, unable to hold myself up.
The world tilted, as I fell onto the cold, dirty floor, blood spilling out and onto the floor.
Before the sweet embrace of death clawed at my soul, I heard one last thing from the so-called chicken bandit.
"Heh, see that? Now give me the money!"
Wow.
I was dying over KFC.
That was so unbelievably stupid.
This guy was dumb.
That goth chick was also dumb.
This entire situation was just stupidity personified.
why?
My eyes grew heavy, and in the corner of my vision, I saw it.
My bucket of uneaten chicken. Still sitting there. Untouched.
A new wave of despair hit me harder than any bullet could ever hit.
Why, life. Why. I didn't even get to have a single bite... Fate must really fucking hate me. if this is how I end... if I knew I was going to die today, I would have pulled for Zhongli... oh well.
soon, every thing faded to black, as I could no longer hear anything, all my senses cut off from life. I was dead.
---
My eyes fluttered open as a loud, blaring alarm jolted me awake.
What a depressing dream. Why the hell did I dream about dying over KFC? I know it's good, but come on.
I sat up and rubbed my eyes, stretching out my arms and legs before reaching over to shut off my alarm. My body still felt sluggish, so I sat there for a moment, letting it catch up before yawning.
Time to grab my phone, claim my daily rewards, and—
"That's not my phone."
My brows furrowed. I looked around.
"This is not my house."
Panic set in. I jumped up, ready to leave, but as I moved, I caught sight of something in the mirror attached to the tall wooden cabinet.
I froze.
My reflection stared back at me.
Except.
"T-That... That's not my fucking body!?"
My hands shot up to my face. My fingers trembled as they ran through hair that was most definitely not black.
It was blue.
Why the hell was my hair blue?
And then, just behind my reflection, something flickered to life in the air.
A glowing blue interface appeared, white text forming in real-time.
[Good morning, new user. Welcome to your second life.]
I whipped around so fast I nearly fell over.
... that was a system screen, and it was now in front of my face. telling me good morning.
"No, what the actual fuck is happening!?"
my head drifted back to the mirror, then back to the screen, then—
"At least I'm hot now."
A/N I feel that was an alright start... i think maybe. anyway hope you enjoyed reading. ig. also humor is how i cope with my measly existence.