Haruto sat cross-legged just outside the ruins, staring blankly at the cracked stone archway like it had personally insulted his bloodline.
He was trying to look calm.
Zen.
Like a lone warrior preparing for his next journey.
But instead, he looked like a man who'd just realized the vending machine ate his last coin.
"...This building is useless," he muttered, gesturing vaguely at the glowing stone structure behind him."It's got mystery energy, sure, but nothing helpful. No weapons. No map. Not even a cursed fridge."
From a few steps away, Noelle knelt politely with her grimoire resting on her lap, watching him with shining, slightly fan-girl eyes.
"You're so composed, Haruto-sama," she said softly. "It's like watching a samurai before battle."
"I'm literally just trying to accept my life choices," he replied.
"Still majestic."
Haruto opened his mouth to respond—
VVVVRRRRRRRRRMMMM—!!
A high-pitched, fast-approaching wind tunnel of noise suddenly ripped through the air like a magical F-16 enginecoming straight from the cursed forest side.
Haruto blinked.
"…What the hell is—"
He squinted into the blur of motion streaking toward them like a heat-seeking missile.
Orange streak.Twin tails flying like streamers.Shrine maiden red-white fabric flapping in the wind.Fox ears.
"Kohana?" he said, stunned.
FWOOOOOOOSH–KNEE.
"HRRNNGGG—!!"
Her knee collided with his face with precision only seen in fighting games. Haruto's body went airborne in the opposite direction—flipping once, twice—
CRUNCH.
He embedded face-first into the ruin wall like a squishy cartoon sticker.
Noelle gasped.
"HARUTO-SAMA?!"
Haruto's consciousness flickered.
He didn't see stars. He saw disappointment.
"…Why is it always me…?" he groaned, muffled by ancient rock.
Then darkness.
As his vision faded, he heard voices echoing around him:
"Haruto! Haruto! Are you okay?!"Kohana's voice—panicked.
"Who cares? If he dies, I finally get to go back to my NEET lifestyle."Yue. Obviously Yue.
"No—Haruto-sama!! You can't die! Not after I finally debuted as your general!!"Noelle, shrieking in dramatic despair.
And then—
Silence.
Haruto remained gloriously unconscious.
Half of his body was still wedged inside the cracked wall of the ruin like someone had rage-thrown a life-sized Haruto plushie into a stone vending machine.
Around him?
Chaos.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNEED HIM IN THE FACE AT MACH 2?!"Noelle was in full panic-mode, hands flailing, voice hitting octave levels that summoned bats.
"I–I didn't mean to!" Kohana stammered, waving her arms just as wildly. "I thought it was a monster! Or a cursed deer! He looked so... meditative!"
"That's literally worse!!" Noelle screeched.
"Cursed deer don't sit cross-legged and talk to themselves like depressed salarymen!"
Meanwhile.
Yue sat cross-legged by Haruto's partially-buried legs.
Calm. Emotionless.
Holding a stick.
At the end of that stick?
A marshmallow.
She slowly rotated it over a tiny fire she had conjured using cursed grass and Haruto's hoodie sleeve as kindling.
"Honestly, this might be the most peaceful he's looked since arriving here," she muttered, turning the marshmallow with eerie precision.
Kohana gasped."YUE! What are you doing?!"
"Testing if he's crispy enough to awaken via passive burning. I read it in a cursed cook—"
"PUT THAT OUT!!"
Noelle scrambled to extinguish the fire.
Kohana dropped beside Haruto, shaking him like a vending machine she just lost money to.
"Haruto! Haruto, wake up!"
"Maybe try kissing him," Yue deadpanned.
Noelle blinked.
Kohana turned red.
Yue slowly took a bite of marshmallow.
"That usually works in your genre."
Kohana twitched violently. "WE'RE NOT THAT KIND OF STORY!!"
Noelle looked even redder. "W-Wait, am I allowed to do it as his general?! Is there a legal clause?!"
"NO ONE IS KISSING ANYONE!!" Kohana shouted.
"Boooo."
Just then, Haruto groaned.
Everyone froze.
His head slowly dislodged from the wall with a pop.
He slumped forward like a collapsing scarecrow, dirt in his hair, one eye twitching.
"…I dreamed I was finally back home… and someone threw a fox at my face."
"Haruto-sama!!" Noelle gasped, teary-eyed.
"You're alive!" Kohana cried.
Yue: "Unfortunately."
Haruto blinked slowly.
Took in the scene.
Smelled burning fabric.
Saw three girls, one half-crying, one beet-red, one roasting marshmallows.
Then he laid back down again.
"…I'll just go back to being dead for a while, or cosplaying rock... I need some time to restore....."
Haruto lay on his back in the grass, arms sprawled, face still dusted with ruin-wall residue.
Above him, the sky slowly faded into hues of orange and crimson—sunset swallowing the blue in glowing waves.
The scene was peaceful.
Which was unfortunate, because everything around him was not.
From one side, Kohana and Noelle were bickering over firewood angles.
From the other, Yue poked Haruto in the ribs with a long stick like she was testing a questionable piece of meat.
"Still alive, trashbag?"Poke.
Haruto grunted. "That stick feels cursed."
"It is."
He sighed and closed his eyes.
A memory suddenly returned.
Spirit monkeys.
Jungle court.Coconut assault."Loglet."
"…Nope," he mumbled, shaking his head. "I'm deleting that memory like old browser history."
He sat up slowly, finally pushing himself off the grass.
At the campfire, Kohana glanced over. She was kneeling beside the newly arranged stones, brushing ash off her sleeves.
Her eyes flicked to him, then away. Her cheeks were faintly pink.
"Um… Haruto…" she said, eyes fixed on the fire. "A-Are you okay?"
Before he could answer—
Poke.
Yue stabbed him in the cheek with the stick again, deadpan.
"She was worrying about you, you human trash bag with arms and legs."
His eye twitched.
"…Yes," he muttered. "I'm fine. Thanks for the... check-up."
Kohana smiled—just a bit—and nodded. "I'm glad."
Then she blinked and looked across the camp."By the way… who's that girl?"
She pointed at Noelle, who had been quietly seated, back straight like she was in the world's weirdest royal tea ceremony.
Suddenly activated, Noelle jumped to her feet, grimoire held dramatically.
"I am Noelle Ragna! Dark Magician! Loyal general of—"
"She's Noelle," Haruto cut in mid-monologue. "Dark Mage. Waited three years for me. Now she's a member of our... disaster RPG party."
Noelle paused mid-pose, visibly deflated.
"Y-You could've at least said it with some gravitas, my lord..."
From her ghostly seat, Yue looked between Haruto and the girls.
Then back at Haruto.
Then back at the girls.
"You know," she said slowly, "I'm genuinely surprised a human trashbag with limbs like you can pull this many beautiful girls into your orbit."
Haruto's eye twitched again.
"…Thanks. I think."
Then he looked up.
Paused.
"And... wait. Did you just include yourself as one of them?"
Yue nodded smugly.
"Of course. I am the most beautiful. You're welcome to bask in my aura of cursed elegance."
Haruto inhaled deeply.
Then exhaled with audible emotional damage.
"…Loli gremlin."
Kohana snorted, nearly choking on a rice ball.
Noelle choked on tea.
Yue raised her nose proudly. "Flattery will get you nowhere, peasant."
Haruto muttered to himself, staring blankly at the stars above:
"…Since arriving in this world, every girl I meet is a walking chaos generator. I swear, I'm collecting weirdos like I'm building a cursed dating sim."
The campfire popped.
Noelle adjusted her grimoire.
Kohana hid her face.
Yue poked him in the back again.
Haruto sighed.
As this was his party now, and his new reality...