Keifer's POV
They're all looking at me like I'm a criminal. I deserve it.
"What the hell, Keifer!" Yuri said and grabbed me by the shirt. "You hurt Jay-jay and Kit because of your suspicions!"
I pushed his hand away. Despite everything that happened, I couldn't bring myself to show regret. Even though that's exactly what I feel. I'm full of regrets and agony.
It took me a while to come to my senses. It took me a while to realize that I let anger consume me again. I hurt her. I hurt the girl I love and my friend.
What the fvck is wrong with me?!
I just said I didn't want to hurt her again, but it's like my body has a mind of its own. I knew she was already in pain. I noticed how she was having trouble walking. She even fell earlier on the stairs.
But I was blind to her suffering because I only cared about the pain I was feeling. How selfish of me.
"What's happening to you, Keifer?" Ci-N almost whispered.
I could feel his fear of me. I looked at him and the others with a blank expression.
"Is it wrong for me to be angry?" I asked them.
"It's not wrong to be angry. But what you did was Wrong! You let your temper take over!" Yuri said, still shouting at me.
I chuckled bitterly.
"Kit didn't kiss her."
Someone said that—and it made me stop. I saw Edrix walking toward me. The anger in his eyes was clear, but there was concern too.
"I heard them having an argument about it."
"I heard it before too! But Jay-jay clarified that it didn't happen. Kit only tried to." he explained.
Shit! I'm a fvcking dim-witted!
"Are you telling me the truth?"
He shook his head slightly. "I can't believe this. Is your mind really that narrow!" he shouted.
He's obviously mad. And I can't blame them. I humiliated Jay-jay in front of them and others just because of my jealousy and anger.
"...of course it's true! Do you think Jay-jay would just let someone kiss her? Use your head!"
I almost laughed at his question. I looked at David, whose face was still swollen from my punches. If I could crush his skull, I would.
I know Edrix is telling the truth. He never lies to me and he has no reason to do so.
I sat down on the floor and grabbed at my hair. What is wrong with me? I'm not supposed to be like this but it feels like I'm going insane.
I just want this to end! I want this pain to stop. Even the people around me are getting dragged into this because of me. I'm dumping all my stress and pressure on them.
"I think we should leave Keifer alone," Yuri said to the others.
"That's probably best… Let's go check on Kit at the hospital," Rory said.
"Let's drop by the faculty first and ask for permission," said Calix.
They all walked away and left me alone—until two pairs of feet stopped in front of me.
"K-Keifer… I'll go check on Jay-jay. She doesn't seem to be doing well," Ci-N said.
I looked at him and forced a smile. "Please do... I want to know if she's alright."
"It's obvious she's not okay," Felix said. "...Keifer, I hope you really think about what you've done. You can't let your temper control you all the time."
I just nodded and watched them leave.
How can I control myself? How can I control this anger? If I keep letting it take over, I'll just keep hurting Jay-jay.
I don't want to see her suffer. What should I do?
At times like this, there's only one person I can think of talking to. He's the only one who can clear my mind. He's the only one I know who can give me a proper answer.
I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.
["Keifer..."] was the first word I heard from him.
"Can we meet? I just need someone to talk to."
["Alright. Same place."] he said and ended the call.
My mind is filled with so many thoughts. It feels like this day will never end.
I'm sorry, Jay...
I don't easily ask for forgiveness from anyone. I hate lowering myself and blaming myself. But for Jay-jay, I'm willing to kneel.I'm willing to put my pride aside.
I forced myself to stand and walk out of the classroom. It was like I was out of my body while walking down the hallway toward the parking lot.
I didn't even realize I almost passed my car. Good thing I noticed the parked vehicle I nearly bumped into.
I got inside my car and immediately started the engine. I forced myself to concentrate on driving, afraid I might crash. But I still couldn't stop myself from pressing hard on the gas pedal.
I arrived at my destination without even realizing it. I parked my car and noticed that the person I wanted to talk to was already there.
He came here before I did. Maybe he's thirsty and ready to taste some alcohol. I quickly got out of the car and went inside.
Kingsground...
I remembered the first time I saw this place. It was just an empty building. It used to be a boxing ring for people wanting to test their strength. A hangout for students cutting class and a hideout for those who broke the law. I can't believe Tiger really pursued his dream.
To have a place where everybody is free. Free to drink alcohol, free to dance crazily, free to fight until death stops them, and free to be whoever they want to be.
I thought it was just a joke. A drunk dream shared between him and his friends. While Angelo and I just listened and laughed at him.
When I entered, there wasn't a single customer—only crew members cleaning and mopping the floors. The disco section had just closed, that's why.
I heard a slow clap not too far away. I looked to see who it was.
"Look who we have here!" Tiger yelled while walking toward me. He was wearing a black tank top and white shorts. His shoes were yellow—bright enough to hurt the eyes.
"I'm looking for someone!" I said.
"I know… He's upstairs." He answered and pointed to his office.
I didn't wait for him to say more. I went straight upstairs to his glass-wall office. The place was soundproof, so no noise could be heard from inside or outside. Since it was made of glass, the stage and disco ground below were clearly visible.
A great office for the owner of this place. That yellow-haired guy really knows how to plan.
When I opened the door, the person I came to meet was seated with his back to me in a swivel chair. He was already drinking expensive brandy.
"You're late," he said and took a sip. "...or I'm too early?"
"I hurt Jay-jay."
As soon as I said those words, his glass flew past me. It nearly hit my head, but I didn't move.
"Dammit, Keifer! I told you to stay away from my cousin!" he shouted, pointing at me.
It's been a long time since I last saw him angry. But the feeling was still the same. There was still a part of me afraid of him.
Michael Angelo.
"What did you do to her?" he asked, trying to hold back his anger.
I stared at him for a while. How does he do that? How does he hold back his rage?We're almost the same, but he's scarier when he's angry.
"H-how did you do that?" I asked out of curiosity.
For a moment, I forgot why I came here.
"What?!" he asked in confusion. "I'm asking you about Jay-jay!"
My anger. I have to control it! While looking at him, I couldn't help but hesitate to answer his question. He might kill me if he hears what I say.
"I-I..."
"Aries called me earlier. He said Jay-jay might go home because she wasn't feeling well. I texted home, but they said she hadn't arrived yet." he said. "...Do you have anything to do with that?"
I lowered my head. "She's at the hospital."
Not even a second passed before I felt his fist slam into my face. I didn't even see how he crossed the distance between us.
I crashed to the floor, writhing in pain. He hit me square on the jaw.
Fvck his fist and punch!
"I'll kill you, Keifer! What did you do that she had to be brought to the hospital?"
"H-hindi..." The pain is making it hard for me to speak.
He grabbed my shirt and lifted me up. He forced me to face him.
"Keifer... Speak now or I will break every bone in your body." he said with authority.
His eyes were raging with anger. His threat was real because I knew he could actually do it. He could literally break every inch of my bones.
"I-I... I humiliated h-her in front... of many p-people and ignored... the fact that she was i-in... pain." I explained, gasping between words because of the pain.
He let go of me and I fell to the floor again. I forced myself to sit up and lean against the glass wall. I caught my breath and rested at the same time.
"What do you mean she's in pain?" he asked calmly.
"I don't know what happened, but I noticed she was having trouble walking."
He pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialed a number. He turned his back to me while waiting for someone to answer.
"Hey... It's me," he said. "Please check the CCTV record around my area. Look for a girl wearing an HVIS uniform and riding a bike." He paused for a while. "...Yes. I'm talking about my cousin Jay-jay."
He paused again and looked at me. "Sure. I owe you."
He put the phone back in his pocket after ending the call and walked toward me. I stood up and dusted off my clothes. I still felt a bit dizzy, but I chose to ignore it.
"Explain everything to me."
I did what he told me while drinking the same liquor he had. I started with how I lost my temper and took it out on her and Kit.
He was listening intently while sipping from his new glass of brandy. I expected him to get mad again after I told him the truth. I even prepared myself in case his fist came flying toward my face again.
But after telling him everything, he didn't say a word. He just kept sipping until his glass was empty.
He still wasn't speaking, so I broke the silence myself.
"Aren't you going to hit me again?"
He shook his head. "One punch is enough. Maybe in the past, I would've smashed your skull, but now... I can handle things without using my fists all the time."
I stared at the glass in my hand. I gently shook it, and the ice inside clinked and shifted.
"I don't know what to do anymore," I whispered.
Angelo cleared his throat. "To be honest with you, what you did might actually be for the best. You just pushed Jay-jay away from you."
Yes, I just did.
I knew he never wanted me for Jay-jay. He didn't want me getting close to her. He didn't want a repeat of what happened to him before. He didn't want it to happen to us.
I'm not dumb. Even if he didn't show it, I knew he still carried the scars of his past. From the girl who built him up but also shattered him.
Ion.
"...You're both so damn hard-headed." he said, pouring more liquor into his glass. "...I just want Jay-jay to focus on her studies, but now she's gotten even more stubborn." He sighed deeply. "Maybe I should've transferred her to a different section from the start."
"Do you hate me that much?"
He paused just as he was about to take another sip from his glass.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you hate me that much that you don't want me for Jay-jay?"
"I don't hate you, but I don't really like you for Jay-jay," he answered.
Even though I already knew that, I couldn't help but feel hurt. It feels like everyone's against me.
"W-why?" I felt numb all the way up to my throat.
"Because you have a very complicated life. I don't want Jay-jay getting dragged into your family's mess. Her life is already chaotic—and someone like you isn't what she needs." He looked directly at me as he spoke. "...And besides... I see myself in you."
Maybe he's right. Maybe I shouldn't drag Jay-jay into the chaos of my life. As long as she's connected to me, Clyde and the Elders will keep targeting her.
"What should I do?" I asked him without thinking.
His eyes were filled with authority, like a king on his throne. No one can dethrone him from his position. And like before, his words still hold power.
"Push her away from you."
Those words struck me like an arrow. I have to push her away. It's the only way to protect her from my family... from me. But pushing her away means... hurting her.
No.
The image of her crying because of me is already tearing me apart. But I don't have any choice. I have no other option.
I felt like I couldn't do it—I couldn't bear being away from her. I couldn't stand losing her. I'd go crazy! I wouldn't survive it.
I couldn't stop myself anymore. I fell to my knees as my tears began to pour. The glass I was holding slipped from my hand.
"N-no... I-I can't." I said and cried like a child.
I don't know why, but I feel like I'm being crushed. I can't lose Jay-jay. I don't know what I'll do if that happens.
Everyone I used to like back then... they never liked me back. I did everything just to make them mine. But it was all meaningless, because Yuri was always the one they thought about. And I was left—unloved.
This is the first time I've been given a chance to love and be loved. But why does it have to turn out like this? Why do I have to push her away from me? It feels like I no longer have the right to be happy.
I heard footsteps approaching. I didn't bother to look.
"Look at yourself. You're weak," Angelo said. "...How are you going to fight for her against me if you can't even protect her from your own anger?"
I'm not strong enough.
"...Show me our difference. Prove to me that you deserve her."
I will... I will prove it to you. I'll do anything to prove it. I'll fight for her, and I will never let her go. I'll make myself stronger. But I have to protect her first. From my relatives—and from myself. I have to push her away. I need to do that.
But I need you so bad... Jay-jay.