Give up
Keifer's POV
They're all looking at me like I'm a criminal. I deserve it.
"What the hell Keifer!" Yuri said and grab me at my shirt. "You hurt Jay-jay and Kit because of your suspicions!"
I pushed his hand away. Despite what happened, I couldn't bring myself to show that I was sorry, even though that's what I truly felt. I'm full of regrets and agony.
It took a while before I came to my senses. It took a while before I realized that my anger consumed me again. I hurt her. I hurt the woman I love and my friend.
What the fvck is wrong with me?!
I just said I didn't want to hurt her anymore, but it's like my body has a mind of its own. I knew she was already in pain. I noticed how she was having trouble walking. She even fell earlier on the stairs.
But I became blind to her suffering because I only thought of the pain I was feeling. How selfish of me.
"What's happening to you, Keifer?" Ci-N almost whispered.
I can feel his fear of me. I looked at him and the others with a blank expression.
"Is it wrong for me to be angry?" I ask them.
"It's not wrong to be angry. But what you did was wrong! You let your temper take over!" Yuri said, still shouting.
I let out a bitter chuckle.
"He didn't kiss Jay-jay." Someone said, and that make me stop.
I saw Edrix walking toward me. The anger in his eyes was obvious, but the concern was there too.
"I heard them having an argument about it."
"I heard it too before! But Jay-jay clarified that it didn't happen. Kit just attempted it," he explained.
Shit! I'm a fvcking dim-witted!
"Are you telling me the truth?"
He slightly shook his head. "I can't believe it. Are you really that narrow-minded now?!" he shouted.
He's obviously mad. I can't blame them. I embarrassed Jay-jay in front of them and others just because of my jealousy and anger.
"...of course it's true! Do you really think Jay-jay would just let anyone kiss her? Use your head!"
I almost laughed at his question. I looked at David whose face was still swollen from my punches. If I could crush his skull, I would have done it.
I know Edrix is telling me the truth. He's not lying to me, and he has no reason to do so.
I sat on the floor and pulled at my hair. What is wrong with me? I'm not supposed to be like this, but I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I want this to end! I want my suffering to end! Even the people around me are getting dragged into this because of me. I unload all my stress and pressure on them from everything that's happening to me.
"I think we should leave Keifer alone," Yuri said to them.
"Yeah, better that way… let's go check on Kit at the hospital," Rory said.
"Let's drop by the faculty first and ask permission," said Calix.
They all walked together and left me alone. Until two pairs of feet stood in front of me.
"K-Keifer… I'll go check on Jay-jay first. She doesn't look like she's in a good condition," Ci-N said.
I look at him and force a smile. "Please do… I want to know if she's alright."
"It's obvious she's not okay," Felix said. "...I hope, Keifer, that you really think about what you did. You can't always let your temper take over."
I just nodded and watched them leave. How can I control myself? How can I control this anger? If I let it lead me, I'll only keep hurting Jay-jay.
I don't want to see her suffer. What should I do?
In times like this, there's only one person I can think of talking to. He's the only one who can clear my mind. The only one I know who can give me a good answer.
I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.
["Keifer..."] is the first word I heard from him.
"Can we meet? I just need someone to talk to."
["Alright. Same place."] He said and ended the call.
My mind is filled with so many thoughts. It feels like this day will never end.
I'm sorry, Jay...
I don't usually apologize to anyone. I don't like lowering or blaming myself. But for Jay-jay, I'm ready to kneel. I'm ready to humble myself.
I forced myself to stand and walk out of the classroom. It felt like I was out of it as I walked down the path toward the parking lot.
I didn't even realize I almost passed my car. Good thing I noticed the parked car I almost crashed into.
I got inside my car and immediately started the engine. I tried to focus on driving because I might crash. But I still couldn't help stepping hard on the gas.
I reached my destination without even realizing it. I parked my car and noticed that the car of the person I wanted to talk to was already there.
He came here before I did. Maybe he's thirsty and ready to taste some alcohol. I quickly got out of my car and entered inside.
Kingsground...
I remembered the first time I saw this place. It was just an empty building. Used as a boxing ring by people who wanted to test their strength. A hangout for students who didn't want to attend classes and a hiding place for those who did illegal things. I can't believe Tiger really pursue his dream.
To have a place where everybody is free. Free to have alcohol, free to dance crazily, free to fight till death stops them, and free to be whoever they wanted to be.
I thought that was just a joke. One of their drunken talks with his friends. While Angelo and I just listened, laughing at him.
Upon entering, there was no one except for the crew cleaning and mopping the floor. The disco section just closed, that's why it's like this.
I heard a slow clap from not too far away. I looked to see who it was.
"Look who we have here!" Tiger yelled while walking toward me.
He was wearing a black tank top and white shorts. His shoes were yellow and painful to the eyes.
"I'm looking for someone!" I said.
"I know... He's upstairs." He answered and points to his office.
I didn't wait for him to say anything else. I went straight up to his glass-walled office. This place is soundproof so no noise from inside or outside can be heard. Since it's a glass wall, you can clearly see the stage and disco ground below.
A great office for the owner of this place. That yellow-haired guy really knows how to plan well.
When I opened the door, the person I came to meet was sitting with his back turned, seated on a swivel chair. He was already drinking expensive Brandy.
"You're late." He said and took a sip. "...or I'm too early?"
"I hurt Jay-jay."
After saying those words, his glass flew toward me. It almost hit me in the head but I remained in my position.
"Dammit Keifer! I told you to stay away from my cousin!" He shouted while pointing at me.
It's been a long time since I last saw him angry. But the feeling is still the same. There's still a part of me that's afraid of him.
Michael Angelo.
"What did you do to her?" He asked while trying to hold his anger.
I stared at him for a while. How does he do that? How does he control his anger? If you think about it, we're almost the same. He's just scarier when he's angry.
"H-how did you do that?" I asked out of curiosity.
For a moment, I forgot the reason I was here.
"What?!" He asked, confused. "I'm asking you about Jay-jay!"
My anger. I have to control it!
While looking at him, I couldn't help but hesitate to answer his question. He might kill me if he hears my answer.
"I-I..."
"Aries called me earlier. He said Jay-jay might have gone home because she wasn't feeling well. I texted the house but they said she's not there yet." He said. "...Do you have anything to do with that?"
I lowered my head. "She's at the hospital."
Less than a second later, I felt his fist hit my face. I didn't know how he closed the distance between us so quickly.
I fell to the floor, writhing in pain. He hit my jaw.
Fvck his fist and punch!
"I'll kill you, Keifer! What did you do to make them take her to the hospital?"
"N-no..." The pain is giving me trouble to speak.
He grab my shirt and lift me up. He force me to face him.
"Keifer... Speak now or I will break every bone in your body." He said with authority.
His eyes are raging with anger. His threat is real because he's truly capable of doing it. He can literally break every inch of my bones.
"I-i... I humiliate h-her in front... of many p-people and ignore... the fact that she's i-in... pain." I explained while catching my breath because of pain.
He let go of me, and I fell to the floor again. I struggled to sit up and leaned against the glass wall. I catch my breath properly and rest at the same time.
"What do you mean she's in pain?" He ask calmly.
"I don't know what happened but I noticed she's having trouble walking."
He took his phone out from his pocket and dialled a number. He turn his back at me while waiting for someone to answer his call.
"Hey... It's me." He said. "Please check the CCTV record around my area. Look for a girl wearing an HVIS uniform and riding a bike." He paused for a while. "...yes. I'm talking about my cousin Jay-jay." He paused again and look at me. "Sure. I owe you."
He put the phone back in his pocket after ending the call and approached me. I stood up and brushed off my clothes. I still felt a bit dizzy, but I chose to ignore it.
"Explain everything to me," he said.
I followed his order while drinking some liquor—the same kind he was drinking. I started by explaining how I got angry and ended up taking it out on Kit and the others.
He listened intently, sipping from his new glass of brandy. I expected him to get mad again after I told the truth. I even braced myself in case his fist flew at my face again.
But after I explained what happened, he didn't say a word. He kept sipping from his glass until it was empty.
Since he still wasn't speaking, I broke the silence. "Aren't you going to hit me again?"
He shook his head. "One punch is enough. Maybe before, I would've smashed your face in, but now… I can handle things without always using my fists."
I stared at the glass in my hand. I swirled it slightly, and the ice clinked inside.
"I don't know what to do anymore," I whispered.
Angelo cleared his throat. "To be honest, what you did wasn't all bad. You just pushed Jay-jay away from you."
Yes, I just did.
I knew he didn't want me getting close to Jay-jay. He didn't want me near her. He didn't want what happened to him before to happen again. He didn't want it to happen to us.
I'm not stupid. Even if he doesn't show it, I know he's still carrying his past. The woman who made him whole but also broke him.
Ion.
"…You're both so stubborn," he said, pouring more liquor into his glass. "…I want Jay-jay to focus on her studies, but it's like she's gotten even more hardheaded." He sighed. "Maybe I should've had her transferred to another section back then."
"Do you hate me that much?"
He stop before taking another sip from his glass.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you hate me that much that you don't want me for Jay-jay?"
"I don't hate you but I don't really like you for Jay-jay." He answered.
Even knowing the truth, I couldn't shake the sadness. It feels like no one wants me.
"W-why?" I feel numb from my throat
"Because you have a very complicated life. I don't want Jay-jay to get involved in the mess of your family. Her life is already chaotic, and she doesn't need someone like you." He's looking straight at me while explaining "...and one more thing... I see myself in you."
Maybe he's right. I shouldn't involve Jay-jay in the mess of my family. As long as she's close to me, she and she alone will be targeted by Clyde and the Elders.
"What should I do?" I asked him without thinking.
His eyes filled with authority, like a King on his throne. No one can dethrone him from his position. And like before, his words are still powerful.
"Push her away from you."
Those words struck me like an arrow. I have to push her away. It's the only way to protect her from my family... from me. But pushing her away means... hurting her.
No.
The image of her crying because of me is already causing me so much pain. But I have no choice. I have no other option.
I feel like I can't do it, I can't be separated from her. I can't bear to lose her. I would go crazy! I can't handle it.
I couldn't stop myself. I knelt down as tears started to fall. I dropped the glass I was holding.
"N-no... I-i can't." I said and cried like a child.
I don't know, but I feel like I'm being crushed. I can't bear to lose Jay-jay. I don't know what I'll do if that happens.
All the people I liked back then, didn't like me. I did everything to make them mine. But it was all in vain because Yuri was still the one on their minds. And I was left with no one who loves me.
This is the only chance I've been given to love and be loved. But why does this have to happen? Why do I have to push her away from me? I feel like I no longer have the right to be happy.
I heard footsteps walking toward me. I didn't bother to look.
"Look at yourself. You're weak." Angelo said. "...How can you fight for her against me if you can't even protect her from your own anger?"
I'm not strong enough.
"...Show me our difference. Prove to me that you deserve her."
I will... I will prove to you.
I will do anything to prove it. I will fight for her and I will never let her go. I will make myself stronger. But I have to protect her first. From my relatives and from me. I have to push her away. I need to do that.
But I need you so bad... Jay-jay.