"Okay, quick update: I'm part-lizard, part-assassin, and 100% vibe check. But like, stealthy vibes. Metal Gear Solid but with memes."
Alexander took a deep breath and focused.
[Reverting to Human Form…][Warning: Clothing not included.]
With a crackle and hiss, his scales faded, claws withdrew, and tail popped away like a bad DLC. His human body returned, along with the mild embarrassment of being buck-naked in a lab full of glass walls.
"Okay, mental note: invest in elastic pants. Or at least some Naruto boxers that don't explode when I transform."
He swiped a lab coat from a rack, tossed on some stolen slacks, and did what every good assassin-in-training would do after mutating from licking floor serum:
Infiltrate a billion-dollar corporation.
Oscorp Industries – 2:15 AM
Alexander snuck through a side vent, earbuds in, blasting LiSA's "Gurenge" like a Shinobi on caffeine. His system provided a mini-map and a soft ping every time a guard passed near.
[Reminder: DO NOT reveal the system to anyone. You're a lone weeb in this cruel world.]
"Right, no telling people I've got the anime cheat codes installed. Got it. Trust no one. Especially not Peter 'plot armor' Parker."
He dropped into a corridor and immediately ran into…
Peter Parker.
The boy genius was fiddling with a busted drone, muttering to himself.
"C'mon, Oscorp… seriously? You're supposed to be a tech giant, not RadioShack."
Alexander froze. Peter looked up, eyes narrowed behind thick glasses.
"You're… not security."
Alexander's brain screamed divert, lie, say something cool—
"Hey, you seen the bathroom? I need to power-up and drop a Spirit Bomb."
Peter blinked. "…What?"
"Never mind. Uh… Intern program. Real hush-hush. I'm in… reptile research."
Nailed it. Totally not suspicious.
Before Peter could press further, alarms blared.
[WARNING: Hostile Response Detected – Oscorp Security Mobilizing.]
"Freeze!" shouted a guard behind them. "Hands up!"
Alexander sighed, popping in his other earbud as "Silhouette" by KANA-BOON kicked in.
"Time to go full anime opening."
He kicked a desk into the first guard, drew one katana (materialized from his system's inventory), and charged.
Peter ducked behind a pillar as Alexander front-flipped, cleaving a baton in half, twirling into a roundhouse kick, and—
WHAM!Right into a reinforced exo-guard.
"Oh hey, Oscorp has mini-mechs now? Didn't see that on the brochure."
Alexander grinned, slicing a support wire, sending the mech suit crashing sideways. He rolled through the chaos like a caffeinated Deadpool.
Then came the roar.
"YOU... SHOULD NOT BE HERE!"
Enter: Green Goblin, flying in like a dollar-store Joker on a glider made of war crimes.
"Oh no. Not the discount Willem Dafoe."
Goblin hurled a pumpkin bomb. Alexander yeeted it back like a dodgeball champion, exploded mid-air, then leapt up and kicked the glider, sending both of them tumbling through a lab window.
"I REGRET EVERYTHING!"
They smashed into a prototype tech chamber, landing right next to…
Shocker's unfinished Vibro-Shock Gauntlets.
[New Item Detected: Vibro-Shock Gauntlets (Unstable)][Fusion Option Available: Combine with High-Frequency Blade?]
"Why yes, strange system I won't tell anyone about… I would love a new toy."
[Fusing…][Success! Vibro-Blade Gauntlets Acquired – Now you can punch reality so hard it stutters.]
Alexander slipped them on, raised a fist, and slammed it into the ground—sending Goblin flying into a wall like a green bowling pin.
"It's Morphin' Time!"
[DING!]
[New Quest: Eliminate Local Gangster Cell – Reward: +20 Skill Points, Stealth Upgrade, Bonus Snack Crate][Target: The Rhino's East Side Thugs]
"Wait, a snack crate? Why didn't you lead with that?"
Post-Fight: Back in the Alley
Alexander, now cloaked again in lab gear, walked off into the night, humming anime openings and flexing his new gauntlets. Peter remained behind, confused, muttering:
"Who was that guy…?"
Alexander turned to the fourth wall.
"Don't worry, Peter. I'm just your friendly neighborhood meme swordsman with anime plot hacks."
[TO BE CONTINUED…]