Kikidori stared up at the sign like it had just insulted his bloodline. Actually, that would've been less offensive. The sign above the ivory double doors read: *REDEMPTION CHAMBER – Cleansing of the Heart, Soul, and Spirit.*
He blinked once. Then again.
Then turned to Haruna and said, "What. The actual. FUCK."
Haruna crossed her arms, trying to look firm despite the heat rushing up her neck. "It's not what you think—"
"Oh, really?" Kikidori snapped. "Because I *think* this looks like some sparkly little therapy circle where I'm supposed to cry about my feelings and 'find myself' and maybe get a free sticker for not slaughtering an orphanage."
She sighed. "It's more spiritual than that."
"Oh so we're calling it spiritual now? Haruna, I'm a DEMON. I thought when you said 'take you somewhere,' you meant like… I don't know, some forbidden garden or a dark library or at least a heavy petting session. But THIS?" He motioned to the ornate, glowing chamber of redemption. "This looks like a holy intervention hosted by Care Bears!"
"You're impossible," she muttered.
"And you're insane if you think I'm going to let some toga-wearing incense priest chant over me while trying to 'realign my energy chakras.'"
"It's not that kind of place—"
"I'M NOT DOING IT!" Kikidori roared, throwing his arms up and storming off.
He didn't get far.
The moment he reached the edge of the divine path, he sprinted.
Angels gasped. Clouds trembled. Statues turned their heads.
"HE'S RUNNING!" someone shouted. "THE DEMON'S ESCAPING!"
"I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!" another wailed, clutching their halo.
Kikidori laughed as he tore through the golden halls like a bat out of Hell—literally. "FREEDOM, YOU FEATHERED FUCKS! EAT MY INFERNAL DUST!"
Haruna bolted after him, wings flaring, eyes blazing with fury and embarrassment. "KIKIDORI, STOP RUNNING YOU ABSOLUTE JACKASS!"
He didn't.
He kept going.
He dodged a choir of cherubs.
He leapt over a pool of baptismal water and shouted "CANNONBALL!" as he soared through the air.
And then—midair, still laughing—he felt it.
Haruna's hand gripped his cloak.
"Oh shi—"
WHAM.
They slammed together with divine force, crashing into the courtyard marble, clouds puffing out around them like a sanctified explosion.
And when the dust settled… there they were.
Mouths locked.
Eyes wide.
Hands gripping each other.
Lips…
Still.
Everything froze.
Every angel in the courtyard stood still.
One dropped a harp.
Another screamed.
"ARE THEY—?!"
"OH HOLY SHIT THEY'RE KISSING!"
Jesus—yes, *Jesus*—was literally standing to the side sipping something in a wooden cup. He nearly spit it out. "What in My Name is happening?"
Kikidori blinked.
Haruna blinked.
They both realized what had just happened.
And instead of pulling away instantly, Kikidori slowly moved his lips off hers and said, *very* quietly:
"Well… not the worst thing I've ever done in Heaven."
Haruna looked mortified. "I… I didn't mean—"
"You *pulled* me," Kikidori said. "I was escaping an unwanted therapy session, and you *yanked* me. That's on you."
"You could've dodged."
"You *launched* yourself at me like a horny javelin. That was assault with lips."
"I WASN'T—" she stopped mid-sentence, realized where they were, who was watching, and said the only thing she could: "Shit."
The courtyard erupted into chaotic angelic yelling.
"EXCUSE ME?!"
"THAT'S A DEMON, HARUNA!"
"DOES KISSING COUNT AS CONSORTING?"
"JESUS, SAY SOMETHING!"
Jesus pinched the bridge of His nose and muttered, "Man, I just wanted a quiet eternity."
Kikidori stood up, helped Haruna up, and grinned ear to ear. "Well… looks like I'm going back to Hell in style."
Haruna groaned and buried her face in her hands.
The whispering angels circled like vultures of virtue. The judgment practically hung in the air like lightning before a holy storm.
But Kikidori?
Kikidori just winked and flipped off a seraphim. "You all need to loosen up. First kiss I've had that didn't end with fire and screaming. That's progress."
And with that, he flared his black wings, gave Haruna a two-fingered salute, and vanished in a puff of brimstone.
Leaving Heaven to figure out what the *hell* just happened.
The end of Chapter 31.