Lifting his head and removing his arms from the embrace, Tao Hua placed his hands flat against the floor, one over the other, and momentarily stared up at Shan Si.
It was an innocent stare, one that announced he hadn't a single idea why Shan Si offered such a thing; however, he was capable of understanding that it intimately charged.
On what level? Tao Hua wasn't sure.
"Huh?"
"Whatever you want," Shan said, a hand still against the back of Tao Hua's head, his thumb moving generously against the side. "I'll comply. It's all yours."
Like filling up a cup, Tao Hua's face slowly became red. He looked away, down to his hands which sat between Shan Si's legs.
His thoughts were unrelated, just as he blinked through the heat.
Wasn't that my offer? What is he—
Then he finally noticed the position they were in. Immediately reacting, Tao Hua swung his body back until he was sitting on his legs. Trailing black strands of hair remained hooked between Shan Si's fingers, serving as the sole remnants of an embrace that once was.
Sent straight into a tizzy, Tao Hua attempted a try at sorting through his thoughts, but it was just too many things all at once. And the noise? Ugh.
Using Shan Si's leg, he pushed himself up off the ground and onto his feet.
"Um…okay." He nodded, then after some thought, nodded again. "I will."
The two stared at each other for a short period—one red in the face and the other as calm as an underground lake.
"…"
Tao Hua promptly turned around. It was done so seamlessly, that if one blinked, they'd miss the action entirely.
One slap, two, and a final. Tao Hua squished in his own cheeks and extended his fingers against his eyes, peeking through the cracks of his fingers. And his chest? It seemed to be the source of the blaring noise.
What's going on?!
No time to worry further, however. His static mind was screaming at him to be productive. That surely would solve the problem!
Tao Hua lowered his hands and fumbled forward, aimlessly searching the room from one side to the other, repeating multiple areas as if he hadn't already checked them.
During this, Shan Si just watched the poor man stumble and mutter to himself. He had on an amused expression, sitting comfortably amid the other's clear fuss.
Tao Hua lifted a few sheets, books, and even tipped chairs as he hunted through that room, making a few questionable noises amid the process. Mumbling in a low voice, he vacantly said, "Where…it's somewhere…I know. I know? I don't. Where is it?"
Stalling, he looked up at the gently swinging lantern, it's glow subtle yet radiating Tao Hua's clear nervousness.
"What am I looking for again?"
Shan Si propped a fist to his cheek, his lips laden with a smirk. "Not sure. It must be important—whatever you're searching for."
He was quite enjoying the show, watching this man attempt to solve two things at once, and clumsily so.
"Ummmm…It is. It is? Yes." Tao Hua stopped before the realization lodged itself straight on his expression. Against his forehead, he slapped his hand, tilting his head back. "Duh! It's still in my palace bedroom!"
And thus, the pair had set out for the palace. It was late, and the nightly storm had already started stirring its howling gales. Despite Shan Si's prior warnings, he gladly escorted Tao Hua through the snowy winds of the inner court, into the Eastern Wing, and toward his old room.
Of course, this confused Tao Hua to no end. Shan Si was acting like a man reborn, and for what reason? More open and enjoyable, to be exact, and Tao Hua was almost convinced his soul had switched out for another...or he'd been threatened by a ghost past midnight.
Who knew?
But even through his confusion, Tao Hua's smile lit up more and more, highlighting his cold-bitten cheeks.
It was like discovering treasure in a place where treasure wasn't supposed to be found, and continuously striking gold over and over. It's all he ever wanted, and somehow he was having this version of Shan Si delivered to him on jade-plated platters.
The only hitch to this questionable euphoria wasn't Shan Si, but another. Tao Hua side-eyed The Palace of Celestial Favour on their way through the Eastern Wing, only to find the other concubine, Wu Mi, glaring at the pair.
The wrinkles staining her pristine complexion didn't quite suit such an ethereal face.
Tao Hua just looked away immediately, staring down at his boots. Things were going so well; what was there really to worry about, and what could he do to solve it?
It wasn't as if Shan Si noticed, or cared; he was too busy focused on Tao Hua's trek through the ever-growing pile of snow. Wu Mi was nothing but a passing thought.
And according to Suo Han, well, this woman barely smiled.
So maybe, just maybe, Tao Hua didn't have to worry for once. He was finally at a place with the first person he'd ever made friends with and craved attention from.
Why tarnish it over one angry concubine?
A lesson learned, though not without its hesitance, was enough to strike Tao Hua dead in the face.
Was it that easy to move on from situations?! One glance at Shan Si was enough to answer his question, and to Shan Si's smile, Tao Hua would pause before offering him a genuinely happy smile in return.
Perhaps it only mattered when it was those who put the effort into him. People like his father or Wu Mi—they were different cases.
Though he couldn't help but feel slight guilt for leaving his old life behind, that guilt was often short-lived.
Tao Hua decided to leave it behind, just like he did with the fading image of the concubine, blurring out behind the wall of falling snow.
As soon as they made it to the Palace of Great Benevolence and into his old bedchamber, Shan Si began dusting the piles of snow off Tao Hua.
All the while Tao Hua brought his hands up to his mouth and began blowing puffs of hot air into it.
He glanced around it a bit. It was dark and unused; however, the same since he last saw it. To be precise: when he convinced Suo Han to sneak out to the baths.
Pressing his lips together, Tao Hua looked away, guilty. But that soon passed.
The snow covered his shoulders, arms, stuck to the outer robe given to him by Shan Si, melted into his hair, and dusted his face.
Using his thumb, Shan Si massaged some of that snow off Tao Hua's cheek until it melted into his skin, enough to push his cheek into his lower lashes slightly.
The look on Tao Hua's face was a mix of confusion and bothersome; however, thankful all the same.
Why is he doing all of this?
But he just couldn't make sense of the change.
"So lonely," Shan Si said, referring to the room. And yet? He hadn't once looked away from Tao Hua, and in the wake of his confusion, Tao Hua could only stare back. "Do you miss it?"
Pausing for a moment, Tao Hua averted his eyes and finally shook his head. That was enough to please the normally brooding thief of a compartment organized with complaints.
"Good answer." Shan Si removed his hand, now brushing the snow off his own robe. "So, what are we looking for exactly?"
"Oh!" Tao Hua pulled away and darted toward the desk, sitting at the end of the room, just under an aged painting of inky mountains, blue skies, and watercolour'ed pink petals. He patted his hands around the desk, his only source of light from the window, but that was useless all the same.
Holding up a hand, Shan Si approached, igniting a small ball of fire. Resourceful man! That was enough to highlight the items on the desk for Tao Hua. He offered Shan Si a cheeky smile before turning his head back to the search.
Upon the wooden desk lay tattered scrolls, some opened, some sealed, and many, many, maaaany books.
As soon as the candle nearby was lit, Shan Si shook the flame off his hand and watched as Tao Hua fumbled along until cheering a loud, "aha!"
He finally picked up a smaller book. Turning towards Shan Si, he proudly held it up to him.
"This!" he exclaimed—possibly one of the first times Tao Hua ever let his guard down around his excitement, enough that Shan Si was now left in a haze of his own desires.
In those delicately smooth hands was the very book Shan Si had once stolen from him.
"Hmmm," he tilted his head, perhaps guilt becoming of him—maybe. At the same time, had he not done it then they wouldn't be in this position? Glass half full, half empty kind of thing.
"Interesting thing to look for. Why?"
Realizing how open he was being, Tao Hua immediately lowered it and shyly replied, "I…I wrote down questions in it. When you were healing."
Tao Hua opened the book, flipping through it with a smile that was both genuine and anxious.
"It's somewhere in here. I forgot to bookmark it. Ha ha, oops."
"Wrote them down, huh?" Shan Si clasped his hands behind his back, leaning toward Tao Hua, causing the small man's breath to elate slightly. "Could that be because…oh, I don't know, you enjoy spending time with me?"
And now, Tao Hua speedily flipped through the pages, his eyes shifting, skimming each passage within for a list.
I…I don't get what he's doing. Is he teasing me? Tao Hua's thoughts raced. Do I mind it?I don't...think I mind it. Do I? I don't. I do?
Luckily, the last two weeks being with Shan Si—compared to their trip through the Buzhi Forest—were enough to ease Tao Hua's worries and settle his overthinking tendencies.
As for Shan Si's statement? It absolutely deepened the colour on Tao Hua's face, and that only worsened the longer he anticipated the radiating warmth approaching him step by step.
In a shaking manner, he softly replied, "I do."
"And you enjoyed dinner with me?" Shan Si asked.
Tao Hua stopped flipping through the book, his thumbs nearly dampening the old sheets of paper.
Though stiff, Tao Hua nodded. He was absolutely unable to understand what he was feeling at that exact moment.
"Oh?" Shan Si questioned, bemused. "What about sleeping with me?"
Tao Hua's nails nearly dug into the paper, but he kept that clumsy smile despite refusing to look at Shan Si.
Invasive, or poorly worded? Tao Hua didn't know! He knew nothing about this subject!
And yet he still earnestly replied, shaking his head once more.
"Good." Shan Si reached his hand back up to Tao Hua's face, causing him to clamp his eyes shut and stand as still as possible. "You know, Tao Hua...it's nice having a warm bed to jump into each night."
An arm began to wrap around Tao Hua's waist, enough for his breath to hitch and a cold sweat to emerge. He held the open book against his chest.
"And do you know what else I enjoy? This one's my favourite."
Tao Hua quietly replied, refusing to open his eyes. "Mm?"
"Waking up to find you nestling close," Shan Si teased. "Is it really that cold in my palace?"
Nearly collapsing with embarrassment, Tao Hua held the book flat against his face and quietly apologized. He assumed that went unnoticed, but he was naïve to think someone like Shan Si wasn't observant or hypervigilant.
"I-I'm sorry! I'll stop—"
And just before Tao Hua could pull back, expressing his regret, Shan Si pulled him into a lazy hug. One where his chin rested on Tao Hua's shoulder, and arms dangled around his waist.
His eyes scanned the books on the desk, reading each title.
What? Tao Hua thought as his elbows squashed against his chest, staring straight at the darkened ink of the book.
"Nah. I don't want it to stop," Shan Si replied plainly, almost with a bored pout. He reached for one of the books, opening it against the desk. "So don't."
What's going on?!
Chapter end.