Heavy breathing bounced against the pages of the book in Tao Hua's hands, steaming his face red. Despite his discomfort, he refused to remove it.
It was silent in that room, all for the sound of the howling winds outside, Tao Hua's irregular breathing, and the rustling of paper.
The source of such a sound came from Shan Si, who was flipping through the books. In doing so, his elbow kept brushing along Tao Hua's side, and his cheek squashed into Tao Hua's shoulder completely.
He'd made himself entirely comfortable using Tao Hua as a crutch, so much so that Tao Hua wasn't sure if he could withstand the weight.
But he persevered! Somehow.
"I didn't realize you read these types of books too," Shan Si said, finally breaking the silence. "I just assumed you were into fairytales, and…well…fairytales. Can't seem to get you to read a history book even if I tried."
And that was true, he had tried! But Tao Hua preferred it when read to him, preferably by Shan Si.
Fingers gripping the book in his face, Tao Hua's voice echoed.
"Um…I didn't read those," he admitted, as if reading whatever they were bore sin. "Suo Han just brought whatever he could get his hands on."
"Ah, that explains the scrolls of poetry and administrative records," he hummed, still scanning the book. "Not sure how he got that."
At the mention of Suo Han, Tao Hua immediately jumped on opportunity number one. Through complete hesitation, he finally asked, "Why didn't you tell me Suo Han was your brother?"
"Half," Shan Si replied. "Didn't think it mattered. Does it?"
"It does!" Tao Hua exclaimed, before lowering his voice. "I…I want to know things too. Why doesn't he share the same last name?"
Shan Si paused for a moment before a slight, gentle smile caressed his lips and a soft sigh. It seemed he was moved slightly by Tao Hua's words, but erased it through efficiency completely.
Truths were better buried than on display to be mocked.
"Father hated Suo Han and refused him the surname. It's not really that difficult."
But it was. Tao Hua, for example, was despised by his own father and yet was still given the surname "Tao" rather than "Zhuan."
Just what kind of father did Shan Si endure?
Shan Si continued indifferently. "Father had many concubines, all bearing him children. Nothing more than background noise. He claimed only those he deemed worthy and sent off those he felt were useless. Suo Han only stayed cause he was born a boy. Court politics."
So that meant Shan Si was related to God knows who, with countless siblings running amok in the world?
The thought was rather fretful and small-town, but given Shan Si's range through the world, maybe it wasn't all that worrisome.
Even so, Tao Hua didn't like that thought.
"So…where are your other siblings?"
"Probably dead. I don't know, never met them." Shan Si slightly shrugged, repeating, "Background noise. Don't think about it too much."
"But!" Tao Hua paused, a slightly uncomfortable feeling sinking in his stomach. "How do you know we're not related?!"
"Awwwh, are you worried? Now, why might that be?" he laughed teasingly before continuing on in a serious manner. "I promise you, Tao Hua, we are definitely not related. Lord Tao comes from a noble family, who carefully chooses who they can and can't marry. You should know this."
And it was true; he was supposed to marry Gui Chang. Ah, the thought made him feel slightly guilty.
"Besides, I doubt many of them even made it past the palace walls before they were killed." Murmuring under his breath as he skimmed the passages, Shan Si mumbled, "I have my lineage tracked down centuries back. Pay it no mind."
Tao Hua froze entirely just as the rustling stopped, alongside Shan Si.
Frowning slightly, Tao Hua couldn't help but find there was more than Shan Si was letting on. To lose one sibling after another…well, Tao Hua was an only child, so he couldn't quite empathize entirely with Shan Si.
It had to mean something, though? Why track them down if it didn't matter?
But Shan Si didn't seem bothered in the slightest. Maybe it was best to view it the same way Tao Hua viewed his mother—done and dealt with, all there was left to do is move on.
He marked off another question from his list, only to arrive with three more. Tao Hua wanted to groan, had he not held it back.
"…" Shan Si's cheek dug into Tao Hua's shoulder more, prompting Tao Hua to lower the book from his face slightly. He changed the subject and asked, "You're really telling me you've never read these kinds of books? And here I thought you were a hopeless romantic. Perhaps romantic could apply to seeing the cosmic universe as hope and not stars."
"…"
The book returned to Tao Hua's face. This man really knew how to change the subject.
"I…I don't know!" he shamefully admitted in a whisper.
"They're like fairytales, you know? The only difference is that the adventure is secondary rather than a priority. Are you just not interested or something?"
"I never really tried, to be honest…" Tao Hua replied, folding the book against his cheeks and muffling his speech slightly. "I-I do like the undertones in—"
Shan Si pulled back, freeing Tao Hua from his embrace. Staring down at the book in the flustered man's face, he reached a hand upward, fingers grazing the top of the book, and lowered it until Tao Hua's embarrassment was fully exposed.
The two stared at each other for a solid minute.
Then, a smile. Shan Si used his other hand and gently patted Tao Hua's head with the book.
The genre? A simple romantic title, usually read by the women of the palace.
"Try it out when I'm gone," he said, taking Tao Hua's book and replacing it with the romance one. Holding it up, he turned away and slowly sauntered toward the bed, reading the list. "I think you'll figure out a lot of things about yourself the more you expand that library in your head, Little Flower."
Tao Hua looked down at the book, his cheeks flushing madly. Granted, Tao Hua knew exactly who those books were for and how they were written. Touching them almost felt violating.
And then, when it finally hit him, Shan Si's statement. Tao Hua's head whipped up and stared at the wandering figure anxiously.
"Gone?"
"Yeah. You know? Life's as fleeting as morning dew. A white horse passing a crevice," Shan Si recited in jest, just as he reached the bed. The moment he turned to take a seat, he saw the horrified expression on Tao Hua's face. He mouthed a simple "ah," before placing the book on the blue sheets next to him. "Bad joke. I'm…I won't do it again. Don't worry."
He patted the spot opposite the book. "We can go at the same time. How's that sound, Tao Hua?"
It was an awful joke, causing Tao Hua to pout slightly. However, he listened to Shan Si's orders without objection and hurriedly made his way over—the romance title against his chest.
"Don't…you better not do that again." He frowned, crawling onto the tall bed. "It's not funny."
"Oh! Well, the little flower is actually growing a backbone! Soon you'll be standing on both feet without me—what would I ever do, then?" Shan Si quipped, reaching over for Tao Hua and helping him adjust. "Mmm, maybe it isn't a bad thing after all. Should I continue until you ultimately want to murder me? I'm kidding!"
Tao Hua furrowed his brows, staring up at Shan Si, who just cheerily smiled down at him. He wrapped an around Tao Hua's shoulder, and picked up the book in his grasp, holding it ahead of Tao Hua.
"You said you'd do whatever I wanted, right?"
"…" The wrinkle between Tao Hua's brows grew. "I…did?"
And he would! But Tao Hua wasn't sure where this was going, even when his eyes shifted from the book to Shan Si's playful expression and to the hand dangling from his shoulder.
All of this after a terribly placed joke? Was this man on something?
Planting the book on Tao Hua's lap, Shan Si hummed, "Then read this book while I'm gone. You'll do that for me, won't you?"
Tao Hua's face twisted slightly, just as his breath caught a hitch.
"Where are you going…? Why won't you tell me?"
The anxiety seemed to be growing tenfold, and yet Tao Hua couldn't quite understand it. The earlier joke was merely a joke, and Tao Hua fully understood that, so it had to be something else.
Was he scared of being left alone? Surely not—he spent twenty years being alone! And, well, he had other people in the palace now.
The feeling didn't seem to ease up any at his attempt at reassuring himself.
Placing his hands on the book, he tightly held onto it while trying to manage his emotions. Shan Si observed this, and the smile only grew.
"Cute," he muttered, causing Tao Hua to jerk his attention toward Shan Si. Reaching up to his cheek, Shan Si brushed along the loose strands of hair, and calmly assured Tao Hua to the point Tao Hua nearly died of frazzled he'd become.
What is happening today?!
"Don't worry. I'll always return to you," Shan Si promised wholeheartedly, tucking the hair behind Tao Hua's ear. "I'll bear gifts, too. Books, and all of them titles you've never read."
However, what felt like genuine moment crashed at another mere jest.
"And when you miss me, well…" Shan Si reached for the book next to him—the one he had once stolen from Tao Hua—and placed it atop the romance title.
"You can write all about my grand adventures and make me famous. Deal?"
Chapter end.