Warning: I'm not sure if this applies as a warning, or if of the M rating is accurate or not! It's suggestive at most, but I feel it's necessary to have a bit of a warning for mature content? Ugh. I don't know.
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Brows pinched, Tao Hua first glanced down at Shan Si's hand. He had placed it on Tao Hua's thigh after dropping the book on his lap, inching closer than what the poor soul understood was acceptable.
The blue fabric around tightened, then released, and repeated around his thigh with each gesture made by Shan Si.
Even worse, his hand could easily wrap the upper part of Tao Hua's thigh, highlighting the stark difference between the two.
Now, most people in this situation would ask the questions, "Is this normal?" or "Why is he doing that?"
And the best one: "Are friends usually this way?"
However, that didn't happen. Not with Tao Hua, at least.
This was a man who was totally inept to normalcy and couldn't comprehend what his own body was doing. Even through his erratic breathing, Tao watched those fingers slink further and further, his face drawing a blank as his mind screamed, Why am I reacting to this?!
And this time? He didn't have influence to blame if caught.
To handle the issues plaguing him, Tao Hua pulled the two books closer to his stomach, which blocked any further access, and curled his body inward.
"U-Um…" He looked toward Shan Si's other hand, swallowing what little saliva he had in his mouth. Once dangling, that hand now trailed itself toward Tao Hua's upper arm and brought him in closer with a gentle and slow tug.
But the word "stop" didn't quite exist in Tao Hua's current vocabulary, and it was even more peculiar that he refused to mouth it.
"Go on," Shan Si replied. "I'm listening."
Lowering his lids, Tao Hua's lips curled clumsily upward, and his hands trembled against the books. All he could do was rub against the back of his hand, trailing sweat along each protruding bump and scar.
"Ah, um," he stuttered breathlessly. His lips tingled and became restless with the exact feeling he had in his arms earlier. Mindlessly, he asked, "What was I doing again?"
"Forgotten already? Well, you were going to write the tales of my heroic deeds. Hm, or would it be villain tales?" Shan Si pursed his lips and glanced up. Shrugging, he returned to his activities of teasing. "No mind. You'll do that for me, right?"
"R-Right…" But just as Tao Hua leaned his body toward Shan Si, a memory finally smacked him hard in the face.
He immediately grabbed Shan Si's hand, only capable of lifting it a few inches, and whipped his head towards the jester.
"Stop! Why are you saying it like you'll die?! Stop that!"
Shan Si momentarily ceased moving his hand, but couldn't help the urge to dip his head and chuckle. His forehead pressed against Tao Hua's shoulder, and his entire body shook with humour.
"I'm serious! Shan Si!"
"Ah, fine. Fine! Since when did you get so domineering?" Shan Si removed his hand; however, kept Tao Hua smothered close with his other. Lying on his cheek, he peered up at Tao Hua's stern and worried expression. "Didn't I promise you I'll always return? I was serious, too."
Tao Hua's expression softened into mild guilt, both at Shan Si's reaction, and a small part of him that didn't want it to stop.
So, he bounced his foot a bit before leaning his own head sideways, his cheek somewhat pressed against Shan Si's forehead. If one was slowly warming up—perhaps boiling—then Tao Hua couldn't remain disappointing, could he?
Self-doubt was a caged monster, and it tore his stomach apart from the inside just to escape.
Hands pressed back onto the books, Tao Hua shamelessly held them close.
"From where, though?" he asked. "Tell me…please."
"So needy." Shan Si went quiet, looking up at the pair of eyes that side-glanced him, before a rather impish thought arose. In the wake of Tao Hua's impatience, he lifted his head from the shoulder, reached for the books on Tao Hua's lap, and tugged them out of his tight grasp.
"H-Hey!" Tao Hua cried, reaching for them, but before he could reach them, Shan Si took advantage of the situation.
He first tossed the book to the end of the bed and grabbed the hand that longingly hesitated for those now scattered books.
Leaning inward, Shan Si flipped Tao Hua around and reclined him, back against the sheets. The hand that was on his arm now coiled around Tao Hua's wrist, extending it upward and over his head. Shan Si's other hand indented the bed next to Tao Hua with his own free hand, but the slope was remedied by the way Shan Si crawled in closer, atop of Tao Hua.
Every part of Tao Hua vibrated with the increasing heat. Unsure what to do, Tao Hua avoided Shan Si's eyes, or any part of either of them for that matter, lest Tao Hua face more humiliation.
Using his other hand, he lightly pressed it against Shan Si's arm, trying to keep a space between the two.
But it wasn't out of discomfort over Shan Si's actions. It was rather clear Tao Hua wanted them without understanding why.
And that was the problem. He didn't want Shan Si to see that he wanted it. Such an odd feeling for someone who never even initiated things.
It was best to chalk such things up to twenty years of loneliness and inexperience, never once satisfying himself.
No point in dwelling on it any longer than necessary.
"If I tell you…" Shan Si began, eyes locked on Tao Hua. "What do I get out of it?"
Suddenly, Tao Hua froze. His erratic breathing, sweating complexion, and all else followed shortly after, as soon as the realization finally settled in.
It was a callback to Tao Hua's first ever words said to this man. Spoken ahead a shelf of books, in the very precious sanctuary known as The Bookstore of Siyue Town.
All he could do was stare at nothing with a deadpan expression. To get worked up for what? A joke?
Shan Si removed his grip and flopped onto his side next to Tao Hua, nearly bouncing Tao Hua off the small bed. He was now laughing, one arm under Tao Hua's head and the other lazily dangling over his stomach.
Red in the face, Tao Hua just peered up at the beams of the bed, a grumpy look becoming of him. When he turned his head to look at Shan Si, he saw that he was still laughing, utterly amused. But instead of taking offense, Tao Hua's peach eyes widened in awe, almost iridescently cured of his ailing annoyance.
It was, possibly, the most innocent he'd ever seen this man; that was enough to nearly stop Tao Hua's heart completely.
So, he rolled over and instinctively hugged him without thinking twice. He wasn't sure what feelings were coursing through him, but it was like an innate desire to protect such an expression—one that rarely, if ever, showed—overcame him.
"I leave to sort out matters with the relic situation. Like in Siyue Town," Shan Si answered after finally calming down. He held the back of Tao Hua's head closer to his chest. "Normally, once a month, depending on the intel received. I'm gone for a maximum of seven days. No death—just work."
"Ah…" Tao Hua mumbled amid the fabric against his mouth. Pulling back some, he looked up at Shan Si.
"What?" Shan Si asked. "Is the answer not up to your standards? Should I alter reality for you instead? Because I will if you ask me to."
"N-No, that's fine..."
But Tao Hua didn't just want to say: What's gotten into you? The fear of ruining whatever good this was demolished the desire to know.
So, he just dallied until finally saying, "I never got to ask many questions…"
A worthy excuse.
"Fine. Fine."
Using his foot, Shan Si kicked the book at the end of the bed up, enough for him to grab it with his hands. Placing it on Tao Hua's side, he said, "Ask away, delicate little flower. Your wish is my command."
Tao Hua twisted slightly, halfway leaning up with Shan Si's support against his back. Opening the book, he flipped to the page with scribbled-down thoughts all scattered across it.
"Um…first one is a request."
"Mhm?" Shan Si brought his hand up, elbow against his hip, and finger flicking the page of Tao Hua's book. "And that is?"
"Your poetry."
Shan Si's finger froze. Raising his brows, he glanced once at the desk before turning back to the book. "Suo Han?"
Tao Hua nodded bashfully.
"Go figure." Shaking his head, he started once more, the echoes of the paper resounding that room. "I'll tell you when I hear the words I want to hear. Next one."
"…"
So much for his wish being at Shan Si's command; some genie.
The flicks hastened, thus leading Tao Hua to rush onward and drop the issue. "Um…when escaping Siyue Town, what did you want to show me—"
"That's a surprise."
Tao Hua paused, staring at the distracted face of indifference. Granted, Shan Si read the list before they reached the bed, so why was he surprised?
So, he just said, "Oh. Okay."
He still wanted to know. Badly.
"It's in the works. I promise you it'll be ready soon." Shan Si smiled up at him. It was another sincere one, and yet he wasn't sure what to do with it, or his stalling heart. "Next?"
"Um…" Tao Hua hesitated. He looked at Shan Si as if waiting for him to interrupt again, but Shan Si just held up the hand and defended himself instead.
"That's as far as I read. Honest. Strike me dead if I'm lying."
"I'm not going to do that."
Turning back down to the book, he was about to read before closing the book, causing Shan Si to twist his head in confusion. Setting the book aside, Tao Hua dug in his sleeve and instead pulled out a poorly folded sheet of paper.
"I forgot about this!" he exclaimed, unfolding it.
"Hm. Could have saved us a trip," Shan Si teased. "More questions?"
"These ones are a bit more interesting." Apologetically, Tao Hua nodded with a smile before turning back to it. He read the first one that caught his interest.
One that surprised Shan Si, unpleasantly.
"Why can't Daoist Master Weng open his eyes?"
"Ugh." Shan Si's face contorted with disgust. "Let's get one thing clear, Tao Hua, Weng Jing is far from a Daoist Master. Just 'Weng Jing' is fine; don't sully the title any more than he already did. Hah—and if you're daring, you can even call him Daoist Bastard. That's a popular title."
Popular among two people. Seemed Shan Si and Wan Mie were on similar wavelengths—such was expected of relatives.
With a light laugh, Tao Hua shook his head. "I'll just go with Weng Jing."
"Too kind." Disapprovingly, Shan Si brushed his hands over Tao Hua's, focused on them as he answered, "I'm not sure why he keeps them shut. He's not blind by any means and claims it's for an array of some sort, insisting that if it breaks, we'll all die. I think it's bullshit."
"Ah…" Tao Hua shyly looked away, the smile fading a bit. "I guess I wouldn't understand it—cultivation and all."
Looking up at Tao Hua's reddened ears, Shan Si watched him for a moment. He had on the expression of a man deep in thought, studying.
"I'll teach you," he finally replied. "It'll give you a chance to protect yourself when I'm gone."
Thinking back to their time in his bedchambers, when Shan Si attempted to teach Tao Hua the fundamentals, Tao Hua jittered a bit.
"I don't know…you saw how—"
"It doesn't happen in a day. Patience is key," Shan Si said. "I know you have the foundation, and if the Daoist Bastard is telling the truth—that you're related to Daoist Master Zhuan somehow—then there is a lot of untapped potential, Tao Hua."
Reaching his hand toward the paper, Shan Si gently took it from Tao Gya and set it aside. "Trust me, okay?"
"Mm…" Tao Hua was uncomfortable with the idea, truthfully. It wasn't that he felt forced or anything of the sort; he genuinely wanted to be useful, but the idea of failing in front of someone like Shan Si made him nervous.
However, rather than express such insecurity, the voice in his head screamed at him to just agree.
Thus, he did just that and agreed with a nod.
"Good. I think you'll do fine, and I'm willing to wait for however long it takes."
Before Tao Hua could respond, Shan Si immediately began to shuffle. He pulled Tao Hua back down to his side, and straight into his grasp.
Arms wrapped around him, Shan Si slowly lowered his eyes and breathed, "Sleep. All that talk about the Daoist Bastard has me exhausted."
But Tao Hua had a lot more on his mind, much of it relating to his now deepening anxieties. From the discussion of cultivation to whatever happened earlier, he was already a mess of emotions.
In an attempt to gain one more answer, he decided to aim for the easiest and least harmful.
"What was that earlier?"
Shan Si peeked open an eye, glancing down at Tao Hua. "What was what?"
"…Nevermind."
Embarrassment enveloped him; however, Shan Si was a clever one, and he knew immediately what Tao Hua was referring to based on his reaction.
Closing his eyes once more, he said, "Don't worry. Remember what I told you last time?"
"Last time?"
"We can do things when you're ready," he reassured Tao Hua, tugging him closer onto his body. But Tao Hua wasn't entirely sure what Shan Si even meant!
"Let's get some rest. You still have to help Qian Jue tomorrow."
The room shrouded in silence, all for their breathing. Shan Si hadn't any issue with sleeping, and it seemed to arrive quicker when someone lay with him.
Tao Hua, on the other hand?
His brows furrowed, and eyes widened. Staring straight at the black fabric of Shan Si's chest, his thoughts started racing faster and faster, enough to render sleep a foreign concept.
Wasn't that a dream?
Chapter end.