Chapter 29: End Of Year Exam
The morning sun blazed down on the snow-dusted academy like the unblinking eye of a drunk god. The gates creaked open, and in flooded the Gu Masters - a tsunami of sweaty ambition and unpaid therapy bills.
At the front stood Gu Yue Qing Shu, his emerald mane billowing like a My Little Pony OC. "Ahhh, the memories," he sighed wistfully. "Remember when we used to duel to the death over cafeteria pudding?"
Beside him, Gu Yue Yao Hong chewed her grass stalk like it owed her money. "Leader, if you start another 'back in my day' speech, I swear to the heavens I'll Moonblade myself right here."
Little did they know, today's exam would be more chaotic than a Skibidi Toilet marathon at a kindergarten.
The stands were packed tighter than a can of sardines with:
Veteran Gu Masters (scanning students like Walmart shoppers eyeing discount meat)
Clan Elders (pretending to care while secretly placing bets)
Mo Yan (radiating 'disappointed older sister' energy so thick you could spread it on toast)
Chi Shan (shirtless in winter because sigma grindset doesn't acknowledge seasons)
"OMG IT'S LORD QING SHU!" screamed a fanboy, immediately fainting into the arms of his equally useless friend.
Meanwhile, the D-grade talents were making peace with their life choices:
"My uncle's butcher's nephew's dogwalker knows a guy who needs someone to polish his Rock Turtle Gu. It's... it's fine. This is fine."
After Clan Leader Bo's speech (which contained exactly three memorable words: "Don't die embarrassingly"), the battles kicked off. Three stages. Fifty-seven students. One shared existential crisis.
Early Rounds Highlights:
Moonblade Spam™: The Gu equivalent of two kids throwing rocks at each other from across a playground
That One Guy who brought a Flower Boar Gu to a mobility fight (instant L + ratio)
The Awkward Fistfight when both combatants ran out of energy (like watching two drunk uncles hug it out)
Yao Hong yawned so wide her jaw cracked. "I've seen more excitement watching mold grow on week-old rice."
Then—
"GU YUE FANG ZHENG VS GU YUE MO BEI!"
The crowd perked up like meerkats spotting a snack.
GU YUE FANG ZHENG VS GU YUE MO BEI!!! (NOW WITH 200% MORE DRAMA)
Mo Bei stepped onto the stage, sweating like a sinner in church. "I-I can totally beat a Rank Two!" he whispered, trying to convince his trembling knees.
Fang Zheng just charged like a bull that spotted a red flag with Mo Bei's face on it.
Sigma Stratagem:
☑️ Said "screw the meta" to long-range moonblade duels
☑️ Closed distance faster than a Twitter cancel mob
☑️ Tanked hits like his pain receptors were on vacation
Mo Bei backpedaled like he'd just seen Fang Zheng's search history. "WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOPATH FIGHTS LIKE THIS?!"
Crowd Reactions:
Qing Shu: "Fascinating... Clan Leader's been teaching him the ancient art of 'fuck your spacing'."
Yao Hong: "Okay this kid's got that dawg in him." (Immediately started drafting marriage proposal)
Mo Yan: [Grips chair so hard it splinters] "THAT'S MY BABY BROTHER YOU'RE BULLYING—"
Six brutal minutes later, Mo Bei resembled a half-chewed piece of bubblegum stuck to the bottom of a desk. The referee called it before Fang Zheng could commit actual war crimes.
FANG ZHENG: 1 | MO BEI'S DIGNITY: 0
SEMI-FINALS: FROG BOY VS THE TERMINATOR
Chi Cheng activated his Dragonpill Cricket Gu and started bouncing around like a caffeinated kangaroo. "You'll never catch me, loser!" he taunted, mid-backflip.
Fang Zheng just smirked like a chess player who'd spotted checkmate in three moves. "Keep jumping, clown. Your Rank One primeval essence will dry up three times faster than mine."
The Arena:
Collective gasp so loud it startled birds three mountains over
Chi Lian choking on his tea
Clan Leader Bo hiding a proud tear in his beard
Chi Cheng's confidence evaporated faster than a puddle in the Sahara. Two botched jumps later—YEETED offstage like a bad habit.
FANG ZHENG: 2 | CHI CHENG'S EGO: [ERROR 404 NOT FOUND]
AFTERMATH (NOW FEATURING MORE TEARS)
As Fang Zheng basked in his victory, the crowd erupted:
Clan Leader Bo: [Proud dad mode activated]
Mo Bei: [Audibly sobbing into his sister's shoulder]
Chi Cheng: [Having existential crisis behind the bleachers]
Recruiters: Fighting each other to offer Fang Zheng internships like he's Harvard's golden boy
Meanwhile, lurking in the shadows like the ominous little gremlin he is:
FANG YUAN: "Adorable." [Sips metaphorical tea]
Final Announcement:
"LAST MATCH: FANG ZHENG VS FANG YUAN! BROTHER VS BROTHER! TWIN VS TWIN! PLACE YOUR BETS NOW!"
BROTHERLY LOVE? MORE LIKE BROTHERLY BLOODBATH
The arena was so quiet you could hear a mosquito fart. Then—
"BROTHER, PREPARE TO BE MOGGED!" Fang Zheng screamed, his voice cracking like a prepubescent Skibidi Toilet. His jade-green primeval essence swirled around him like a bad TikTok filter, giving him the aura of a dollar store protagonist.
Fang Yuan blinked. "Get ratioed bozo."
The crowd gasped. Clan Leader Bo choked on his tea. Somewhere in the back, Mo Bei fainted from secondhand embarrassment.
ROUND 1: FAILED PROTAGONIST ARC
Fang Zheng lunged forward, his moonblade so slow you could've dodged it in your sleep. Fang Yuan sidestepped with the grace of a man who'd spent 500 years perfecting the art of "nah, I'd win."
"YOUR FORM IS TRASH," Fang Yuan declared, driving his elbow into Fang Zheng's kidney with the precision of a sigma male crushing a beta's dreams. "DID THE CLAN LEADER TEACH YOU THAT? ASK FOR A REFUND."
Fang Zheng went flying like a poorly yeeted NPC, skidding across the stage like a drunk flamingo. He spat blood, his pride in shambles. "Y-YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I TRAINED FOR THIS MOMENT!"
Fang Yuan yawned. "And I took a nap. We all have hobbies."
ROUND 2: JADE SKIN GU? MORE LIKE JADE SKIN COPE
With a roar that sounded like a dying lawnmower, Fang Zheng activated his "hidden" Jade Skin Gu (which everyone knew about because he flexed it in the bathhouse last Tuesday). His body glowed neon green like a radioactive glowstick.
"NOW YOU CAN'T HURT ME! AHAHAHAH!!" he declared, channeling his inner shonen MC.
Fang Yuan sighed. "Adorable."
Then—
CRACK. First punch shattered the jade like a Walmart vase.
CRUNCH. Second punch turned Fang Zheng's face into abstract art.
SPLAT. Third punch sent him back to the shadow realm.
The crowd's cheers died in their throats. Clan Leader Bo's smile froze like a Windows 98 error screen.
THE STOMPING (IT'S GIVING WWE)
Fang Zheng, stubborn as a cockroach in a nuclear winter, tried to stand.
Fang Yuan STOMPED.
"I-I'LL NEVER LOSE—"
STOMP.
"THE CLAN BELIEVES IN ME—"
STOMP.
"MY FANS ARE CHEERING—"
STOMP.
The rhythmic THUDS were so satisfying even Chi Shan's stone-cold expression twitched in what might've been approval.
HOT-BLOODED COMEBACK (FAILED)
Suddenly, Fang Zheng GLOWED UP like a My Little Pony on steroids. The crowd SCREAMED.
"I... WILL... WIN! WITH THE POWER OF... FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!!" he roared, staggering up like a zombie with WiFi connection issues.
Fang Yuan raised an eyebrow."Oh wow, a power-up. How original."
Two punches later:
BAM! Jade armor exploded like a piñata filled with Ls.
BAM! Fang Zheng face-planted so hard the stage cracked.
The silence was DEAFENING.
AFTERMATH (BLOOD, TEARS, AND BROKEN DREAMS)
Fang Yuan stood victorious, his fists looking like they'd lost a fight with a blender. "Sorry for disappointing you all," he said, shaking blood off his hands like a chef discarding bad ingredients.
The academy elder rushed to "heal" Fang Yuan while low-key spying on his meridians.
Findings:
✅ No White Boar Gu
✅ No Jade Skin Gu
✅ Just a fat Liquor Worm vibing
The elder's face: 🤨📸
Clan Leader Bo, sweating bullets: "FANG YUAN! AS WINNER, YOU MAY JOIN ANY GROUP YOU WANT!"
Translation: "PICK A TEAM SO WE CAN SPY ON YOU, YOU MENACE."
Fang Yuan's response?
Oh shit, I'm cooked.