I don't know how to fix this.
I vent to my mom, explaining what happened, she just tells me to "give her time, she'll come around", I don't know how that's going to help, but I decide to listen to her words anyway.
It's night, I'm in the bathroom washing my face with my facial cleanser, I splash water on my face 5 times, before grabbing a towel, and dabbing my face gently with it.
I look up at my mirror, both of my hands grabbed on each side of the counter. I just stare into my relefection with lingering thoughts.
Why did I ever crush on him? I think to myself. If I never crushed on him, none of this would have happened.
I scratch my head, twist the knob, and head out of the bathroom. I get in my bed, and curl up under my covers, my knees meeting my chest.
I can't sleep.
My thoughts are to crowded with what happened today. My dad once told me when I was 5 years old-, it was in preschool, when I left out a girl from playing with us, I told her she couldn't play with us, because I thought she was weird with those red, crimson glasses, she ended up crying to her mom.
Pointing to me, as her mom comforted her.
My dad bent down to my height, and put a hand over my shoulder, eyes full of wary. " Child, you might be extremely happy and satisfied when you bully or be rude to someone to bring you satisfaction, but keep one thing in mind, you won't have a good sleep. Compare it to when you do something good for someone, you will go to sleep feeling great about yourself".
Those words have stayed with me ever since, before he left for Europe, and never came back.
Now I just live with my mom, I was always a single child, since my mom can't have any more children medically, I have always wished for an older sister though, one who could protect me.
I turn over to my back, staring at my ceiling fan,which winds in rotation in such speed, I narrow my eyes, to try and focus on a fan arm, and follow it in circles.
My eyes moving in the same speed as the fan. I eventually lose concentration, due to the aching in my eyes.
I open my eyes slowly, I am blacked out for a few seconds, I see white dots.I rub them, and open my eyes, my vision starts coming back slowly.
I flap my arms, spreaded out, on my mattress. Great, now how am I supposed to fall asleep.