Have you ever had a voice inside your head? Telling you things you shouldn't be listening to? That constant ringing of intrusive thoughts that seem to never end despite you shaking your head?
Well, guess what? That same voice resides in you.
Growing up, our experiences tell us who we are and what we'll become. And yet, we never have full control over the course of our lives. The cause of such instability?;
The world around us.
The path we want to choose, we want to pursue, becomes a living hell due to the unwanted factor of this world.
Some say it's a part of getting through life, of becoming someone better. But can you really say that when you look at Kayn's perspective?
A man that once held up his beliefs, his dignity, in pursuit of something beyond himself. He wanted not only the betterment of himself, but of others as well.
A person who has value to offer and is willing enough to face difficulties because of it.
To say the least, he was a righteous man, selfless in his acts, and still kind enough to hold up his own smile even through the weight behind it.
He saw what the people around him were in, and as any good person, he wanted to help.
And those same experiences have led him to this.. disappointment.
Sometimes, under the pressure of our own minds, we can't help but forcibly reflect on such experiences.
This pressure, this stress, all of these problems weigh on us so much that it breeds something entirely different from who we really are.
Stand. Find a mirror. Look at it. Now, tell me exactly what you can comprehend in your sight.
A reflection of yourself? Give me more. That's it? Look carefully.
Do you judge yourself? The image presented to you as a whole, do you find it different from what you imagined it to be?
Do you feel the urge to tell yourself to bedifferent?
That's what we all go through.
It isn't self-criticism if what you're doing is the result of other people judging you.
Now, listen carefully to that mirror. What do you hear?
Yes and no. That's the voice of that mirror.
Wouldn't you say it feels like an alternate version of yourself? Telling you something that only you know that you'd ever actually consider at the back of your mind?
This voice doesn't simply talk for the sake of talking, but it whispers to you what you don't want to hear. What you don't want to accept.
Our lives' failure, our rock-bottom, is the key point of that voice.
It echoes to us at our lowest, when it knows we need to hear its truth despite our protests.
Some try to fix themselves without their voice, but what do they gain in trying to achieve what's not to be?
This voice speaks for a reason. It preaches to us what we can't get from anywhere else. It gossips to us what we know, but it a way we hate.
We can't get away from it, no matter how bright your life may be, if your voice lingers, then there's something wrong with your life.
Something subconsciously out of order, your voice addresses it. It mends to it. And it heals it. Just not in the way we expect it to.
Kayn still stood there, unknowingly hating the very presence of his office building, trying to act as if it was any other day at work.
He knows what's wrong with him right now, but he doesn't tell himself. He can't even think of it. He ignores his own problem, and shakes his head.
But as you know, nobody can simply move on, especially when he's about to enter the very problem itself.
In his mind, he's at the edge of what he should do and what he could do. But his so-called righteousness tells him to ignore whatever's bothering him.
Pushing away his thoughts that hinder him from thinking straight.
And so, he enters the building, but this time, it isn't the same anymore.
The door handle feels a little rougher, the lights a little dimmer, the air a little thinner.
At that moment, a voice whispered to him something.
'You don't like this place, do you?'
It almost sounded like the noise of the air conditioning, blending in with the rest of the obnoxiousness around this place, but he couldn't mistake it.
And yet, he continued with his way. The rest of the day plays off into static music.
Back then, he was always so confident to do a good job, not simply for that salary, but for the connections he sought after.
He endured the work of this place, because he thought he would be repaid with kindness around him.
That's how he always thought about it.
But sitting at his desk, that wasn't the goal anymore. I don't think there was any goal at all.
Simply to get by.
To do what's necessary, like a piece of code in a system. It didn't matter if it did its part; it was its job.
He looked around the air, wondering if this was still the same place he celebrated whenever a promotion came by.
The same place where the people laughed in harmony towards anything.
The same place where he could feel at ease because he knew it was alright.
The same place...
Was it the same?
Would it have been the same if it weren't for that call? For breaking his belief?
Kayn would always hold his own values way above himself, if it meant for the greater good. For that purpose, he tried to give a damn.
This coldness he felt, it wasn't from the air conditioning, it was from within.
'What a waste of time that must've been, huh?'
The voice rippled through the distraction of his thoughts, leaving a sprout of doubt in that mind of his.
He shook it off, trying to regain composure. Regain that same attitude he once had.
The typing around him felt ever-so monotone, almost as if it was getting under his nerves.
And yet, he endured it. Ignoring it completely.
It was already the dawn of day, but all he wanted was for it to end. End this annoying reminder of what this place really meant for him.
Everything felt like it was falling apart, like nothing ever mattered anymore.
His efforts to befriend, to get to know, to like, to love, were all stepped on. Over what?
His thoughts felt like strangled wires trying to connect something, trying to find any spark of electricity around this world.
But nothing lit up.
'They could've done better on their part, but what of it if this was how they really treated you?'
He couldn't take it anymore. The pain of knowing the truth. It was...
An alarm clock rang loudly.
That clock made him snap out of those thoughts for a second.
He realized the day was over.
Hah. Unusually, it felt calming. Almost as if he didn't know when it was ever going to end.
His office rattled up in slight chaos, as people began to walk up and outside the building.
But he sat there, unmoving of anywhere. Without a clear reason, he watched as others passed him by.
Things were moving too fast for him to see, but he saw it.
He couldn't mistake them for anyone else.
Catching glimpses of his co-workers. The very same people he thought he was on the same side with.
Laughing together, in the same harmony he always saw.
But he was never a part of it.
That laughter.. it was supposed to always, always signify a sort of happiness.
And yet, he only saw demise if ever tried following it.
'You really trust them?'
No, he didn't.
Among anything else, he didn't want to risk getting broken down any further than what he already has become.
He clenched himself, knowing that the path he once took was poisoned by the people he once believed in.
Everything was supposed to stay the way it was, in the comfort of the present, he never foresaw any of this happening.
These whispers grew more evident in every single thought he had over the mistake he made.
It was infuriating, but he had no power.
In a society like this, where only crimes are judged, things like this always slip by anyone who dares to do it.
Nothing can be done. Kayn was powerless.
He had no influence in the world around him, only ever able to make a speck of what anyone would ever consider human contribution.
Just another particle of dust that floats away and away.
He took a breath, trying to calm himself down, as he eyed elsewhere.
But guess what he saw?
It was a reflection of himself in a window.
For a second, he thought it was raining outside. But that wasn't it.
He found tears dripped down his face, so unknowingly that it didn't seem like anything.
But it was more than obvious in his eyes.
That window, the same window he always used to look upon in every free time he got, looked cracked.
His reflection, the same person he always stood beside, told him the truth he never once considered the truth.
Kayn was now faced with the reality of things, far beyond what he always knew about the world.
The world needed new judgement.
There was no easier way to say it but that.
He trembled under that thought because he knew nothing would ever make that happen.
Nothing will stop anyone from committing the same things that Kayn has gone through.
The same goes for the rest of this society in every crevice of the world.
In the end, it didn't mean anything.
Sitting there with his eyes down, he feels that nothing will ever change because of how things have always been.
'You want things to change?'
And again, his voice continued to speak to him, despite that he's already accepted what it is.
But he felt nothing but disappointment, so he might as well go on with it, I guess.
"Yes."