With troubled and hard breathing plus sweat dripping down my face, I slowly take in the sight of my room, I am in my room.
"Sie, God. You scared us. Are you okay?"
Still catching my breath and trying to get my vision straight, I could figure out Amana talking to me while I felt my hands in their grasp. I slowly closed my eyes, taking the time to calm down, and I was glad they waited for me to be normal.
Once all calmed, I opened my eyes as tears welled in my eyes, a whimper from my lips was all it took for them to hold me in their embrace, God, I am so lucky I have them.
"It's okay, Sie. That's just a nightmare." Viotta says, making me nod my head silently, but how would I not be scared when it has been haunting me since that very day?
"You are safe here." Amana adds, sniffing, I hold them tight, snuggling even closer.
I was stuck in that damn forest for a whole night almost freezing to death before they finally found me, how I was alive was still a mystery, even to me.
I take in a deep breath, slowly pulling away, "Thank you." I whisper as they smile warmly at me.
"Are you sure you want to do that, Sie?" Amana questions, looking all hesitant but worried.
"You know, I have to." I whisper, Viotta heaves out a sigh, "You are practically trembling, and this is not a good idea." She adds.
"Yeah, the job is not more important than you and your health. That place, you know… terrifies you." Amana says, I force out a smile and look up at them, "I will be fine. Maybe I can find my closure if I realize that day was just some misfortune to me."
I said what I said, but it seems like they didn't like me saying that. Anyway, I can't risk the first job I got accepted to.
"I guess you ain't listening to us?" Viotta says, heaving out a sigh.
"It's not that… How long can I have you guys and your families looking after me even now? I need to be capable enough for that." I say, my words draining towards the end.
It's right, I am living with them. We all are childhood friends and practically grew up together, but things took a turn when my parents died out of the blue and I was left behind… alone.
Ever since Amana's parents took me in, they were very close to my parents, and their daughter held onto me, which I was always grateful for.
But now, it's my turn to repay them.
"Stop." Amana says, glaring at me.
"You never are a burden to us. Why do you keep hurting us when we love you, Sie?" Amana adds, sniffing as she looks away, "We care and look after you because you are more than a friend to us, we are a family." Viotta adds, making me swell with tears and love for them.
I always think I am unlucky, but they make that statement so wrong. I might be unfortunate to lose my family back then, but I still have a family, right here.
"I love you both so much, you know that right?" I whisper, trembling while I jump on them, hugging the shit out of them, they both giggle and hug me back.
After cuddling for a few minutes, "Are you seriously considering the job? You know, we left that place years ago. Where will you even stay?" Amana asks, playing with my hair while I smile at how thoughtful she is.
My thoughts jump back to that man, that very man whom I keep seeing amidst the chaos. How I yearn for his touch when I don't even know who he is or why I was in that state with him.
"Right, and we also won't be there. " Viotta adds, holding me tighter.
I wish things could stay the same, me and them, happy together. But I need to go, find the man, and figure out what happened to me.
I smile, "It's not like I am leaving for good. I am going to make a life of mine as I grow and pave my path towards my dream so I can invite my family to see how much they are a part of that space I would make." I say, giggling as I eye them both.
"Tch, such a sweet tooth you have." Amana says, "Always." Viotta adds making me laugh out loud and they both laugh along with me.
"You need to call us, okay? Like every day. Also, you need to call us whenever you get scared because of the dreams." I nod to all their requests and accept their love pouring out through their words and actions, I am happy.
I am so happy with them, even when I am a horrible mess. But I need to put a hold on my happiness for now. My state isn't just affecting me but them as well.
But, not that I ever thought I would say, my life wasn't a mess… yet. That wasn't even a little bit close to mess and I had it very perfect.
How would I have known of the storm coming my way, crashing off every hope and dream I held onto, with just a mere blow?
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With what little of the day was left, I started focusing on packing my stuff. I needed to catch a bus tonight to make sure I got myself there early in the morning so I could busy myself looking for a small apartment to stay in while I start a new phase of my life.
Amana and Viotta spent the whole day with me as we went shopping to get some essentials and now that it's time I need to go, it's kind of already making me homesick.
Amana called her parents and set up a place for me to stay but I plan on finding a place for myself. Not to come off rude, but I will be crashing there shortly.
"Sierra, are you done?" Viotta speaks, peeking inside with only her head, I nod my head as I carry my bag and grab my suitcase.
"Let me help you." She lends me a hand as we both walk out of my room.
"Ah, you are leaving, like really. " Amana speaks, looking sad yet forcing a smile to cheer me, I felt myself pouting as I was just equally sad leaving them behind. Only if they hadn't been settled with a job already and not to forget, Amana has a boyfriend, someone she can't leave behind.
"Not like I will be gone for long. It's just a few hours' bus ride away." I say, snickering, trying to uplift the moment from being gloomy, Viotta chuckles, wrapping her right hand around my shoulder.
"Don't worry, we will try to visit on weekends. On this matter, we three can go around the places we once used to." Viotta says, earning nods from me and Amana heaves out a sigh and comes to us with her arms wide.
With the clear invitation, we both jump onto her, relishing the moment before I walk out of the door and catch a cab, "Take good care of yourself, okay?" Amana says, fondling her pocket as she takes out a box of pills, "I got this from a nearby pharmacy, it helps with anxiety and sleep. Don't depend on it but when it's worse, use it."
I found myself sniffing as her concern touched me, "Also, this." Viotta says, taking her phone out.
I look at her confused, "I found this particular app. We can keep ourselves updated with our notes and pictures." Viotta says, all excited, "Also, we can keep up with our daily activities!" She adds all hyper.
I chuckle and look at Amana who seems interested in the app, "Let's download it." Amana says.
"I will send the link to the group, and download it later. For instance, come here." Viotta says, pulling both of us towards her as she takes a selfie instructing us how to use the app, the app seems pretty good and convenient.
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"I will miss you girls." I say, getting onto the bus, again, they insisted on fetching me to the bus stand.
I could see them tearing up, now I am all sobbing seeing them cry broke my heart. How will I manage to survive without them?
"We love you Sie!"
"Take good care of yourself!"
"Eat on time, okay!?"
"Bye!!"
The bus roars as the engine starts, I stretch my hands trying to get a hold of them as I feel like they are seeping from my grasp, they run along a little as they encourage and cheer me up, wishing me luck for my new job and the new life.
And just like that, I left a part of me behind, with them.